Please come and share your toddler tantrum stories, mines about to break me!!!

[CatchaStar]

Dd is 20 months old. Why do they call it the terrible two's? She hit 18 months and I swear since then I'm finding every day a battle with her.

Not that she'd let anybody else see this 'precious' side to her, oh no no. She keeps it all in reserve, for me.

I'm a single parent and she is slowly breaking me lol.

Bedtime routine has recently gone out the chuffing window as she's been quite ill, so have just put her to bed, she'll likely be up again once she's finished her milk. Tidied her room whilst her milk is warming up, put her books all back on the bookcase and I shit you not, the little mer walks over to said bookcase, looks at me, smirks and pulls the fecking things all off again.

Last night I had washed and ironed all of her clothes, put them away, went to the bathroom to tidy up the bath toys, came back into her room to find her swimming in the newly washed and ironed pile of clothes that had just been put away, that were now in a heap on the floor. I told her that it was naughty to do that, she threw the biggest tantrum I've ever seen, went purple and I suspect woke the whole of Japan up with her screaming.

I'm not even going to go into the finer details of her tantrums and screaming when she doesn't 'get her own way.'

I want my nice little girl back, worst thing is I know she'll likely get worse!

How long does it all last? I'm desperately trying to study the second year of my degree via the OU, but I get to the point where once she's in bed, I am ready to collapse!

I seem to remember that DS threw his first tantrum at around that age and practiced them for a few months. DH perfected a winning way of whistling and ignoring him so DS gave up and turned back to our angelic little boy until a couple of months ago ( just about to turn 3).

I don't know why they call it the terrible twos at all, just ignore her tantrums and hopefully she will give up soon.

Oh there is a god, she's asleep.

It's hard to ignore her tantrums as she headbutts everything when she gets frustrated, so she regularly hurts herslf as a result.

How do I deal with that? I know she understands 'no' but she chooses when to listen to it!

You want a story? Take one 2.5 year old DS and one 3 month old DD in pram + me + late afternoon on a saturday in supermarket (yes I dont know why either).

DS starts tantrum in car when I say he cant take his sweets he found in the car in the shop. Have to do that draggy walk thing with him to get him in. He cheers up when spots a sticker book which I say he can have if he is good.

He then runs away trying to hide from me (thinking its hilarious). I tell him no, and if he does it again I will take the sticker book and put it back. He looks straight at me then runs off giggling. I cannot really chase with DD in her pram. Old ladies start tutting.

I catch him and as threatened take book off him... oh my. He turns purple and lies on floor screaming the place down - real comedy tantrum. More old dears tut. I pick him up (best you can whilst pushing pram) and keep walking. Tell him if he doesnt stop we wont buy the stuff to make the cake.

He doesnt stop. I tell him we are going home. He flips even further and runs to nearest aisle - yoghurt aisle and proceeds to pick things up and throw them on the floor. As I chase still pushing DD and pick them up he stops, looks at me in slow motion and peels lid off yoghurt and throws all over the floor.

Might I add no one is helping at all just staring and tutting. I have to leave DD all on her own in middle of shop - with my purse and keys on top of her and run to stop him. He chucks it on floor and runs to homeware aisle where he proceeds to pick a plate up and try and smash it on the floor. Luckily he has picked a plastic one and the frustration on his face when it doesnt smash at this point is hilarious if you look at it from a distance. He tries to smash again and I grab him.

Chuck him over my shoulder and weave back to find DD who is screaming her head off in the pram. Still no one helping just tutting. I frog march him out of the shop. As I turn to put a few things back as not risking queuing and paying he bolts for the door - full speed - straight out towards the car park and passing cars. Finally someone helps and grabs him about 3 seconds before he would most likely have been hit by a car.

I would like to point out this is the worst tantrum he has ever had and has never been repeated on that scale (and never will I hope). He seemed to "come down" on the way home and just sobbed hysterically "sorry mummy, sorry mummy, sorry mummy" over and over.

He still has tantrums but not so often now - approaching 3. I try and see things from his point of view - it must be very frustrating when you dont understand consequences to be stopped doing things by someone else. I mean if you really wanted chocolate and the guy in the shop refused to sell it to you you would probably be pretty annoyed kind of thing. Doesnt mean I give him chocolate when he screams but I try and explain now to him why not and then distract him. And kind of take a does it really matter in the grand scale of things approach.

She will get better one day lol

xxxx

Okay, first of all take a deep breath. Toddlers are annoying little shits challenging sometimes.

It's irritating but she's testing boundaries with you because she knows you will not reject her for being bad. You are the most important person in her life and that's why she is being such a bugger. Sorry.

DD did this when she was about the same age. She's now 2.4 and I have to say, she has about one tantrum a day but they are steadily declining and we know longer have 'blue faced bawling rages at the checkout of Woolies' (not least because there is no Woolies!)

If she's mucked up your ironing -well that's up to her - leave her in the mess. Don't clean it up. If she throws all her books on the floor, calmly put them in a box on a high shelf and don't let her have them back for a week - explain that unless she treats things nicely you will take them away and always, always follow through - consistency is key.

You don't have to ignore her if she's hurting herself, but hold her silently and don't look at her as much as possible, just sit them holding the writhing octopus child (ideally humming in your head and imagining you are 60000000 miles away on a beach). She will calm down.

I have found that you should never ever have a conversation with a cross toddler either, they don't take it in. You isolate and ignore them till they calm down.

Also if you can, get hold of a little life backpack - they have reins on but toddlers seem to accept them better than reins per se - DD has a bee one, she loves being a 'buzzy bee' and will walk calmly wearing it. They have, as well as a rein on the back, a hook, so if you suddenly need to grab them close, you can do so safely without hurting them, but very effectively (this is starting to sound like dog training!) Then get out of the house and exhaust the little madam. I regularly make DD walk for miles so she's properly tired - and then we sit and read books. Nice, calm activities which force her to conk out at 7pm and stay asleep all night.

There is nowt so refreshing as a snoring toddler!

Chin up though, it won't last for long if you really make a resolution to treat it as a challenge. Remember, you are guiding her and showing her what behaviour you expect, be consistent and it'll work out.

hmmm... I swear you could be describing my destructive dd too!! It has happened so suddenly.

We had a similar incident in the supermarket Peppapig - only I had stupidly allowed dd to push her doll's pram... so I'm managing a squirming toddler, a shopping basket, and a doll's pram. It annoys me greatly when people feel the need to comment, tut, or even move out of a toddler's way when they are running off.

Bed-time has completely gone out the window lately so I understand your exhaustion after 15 or so hours dealing with a full-on child.

Aaaah bless her heart, she was helping you with the clothes, she felt she could maybe fold them better . Some tantrums can be avoided and some just can't, now how, no way. The good thing is they do grow out of them, although my dd started tantrums at about 14 mths and i think am sure she has just recently grown out of them

Sorry forgot to mention she is now 8.

Snort at helping me fold the clothes techpep!

Thank you very much for the replies. My head is really sore, her constant screaming and yelling is giving me constant headaches!

I'm really struggling with her today. She goes to nursery at 1pm, can't afford to send her but if I don't I will crack up.

This morning she emptied her bottle of milk all over my living room floor, told off for it and had a tantrum.

She then mushed her toast into my couches, told off for it, and another tantrum.

She then got out all of her dvds, has ripped some of the covers off them, and decided to slide them all over the floor so many of them are now scrathed. Told off, another tantrum.

When I told her she had to go and play in her room because she was just destroying everything in the living room, she had another tantrum.

Whilst I was in the kitchen sorting out her lunch box for nursery, she made her way into my room and pulled out everything in my chest of draws and wardrobe that she could reach. By this point I can't even muster the energy to tell her off and just want to cry.

She's bit me on the hip, repeatedly hit me and is now walking round screaming because I've told her it's not time to go out yet. My head hurts so much I now feel sick.

I need to change her nappy but everytime I try she kicks the shit out of me.

I fear I may end up in a corner rocking today

I'm exhausted, I just want to cry.

put her in the bath with a load of toys. tell her its a treat to have a dry bath and she can pretend shes in a boat.

make coffee... scoff biscuits and try and relax for five minutes.

poor you.

I ate all the biscuits last night!

Can anyone offer advice on trying to get her to play in her room and with her toys more, without me needing to be there all the time? It seems she'll walk in, pull a few things over and then come into the living room and start being destructive.

My attempts at trying to get her to play with her toys for more that a minute are short lived.

Must go and do the nursery run, 4 hours peace at least.....

catchastar... do you think that she is wanting more attention from you. When I read your last post, it seemed that everything she did she got a telling off for = attention from Mum.

I mean to say this with every good intention... not to question your parenting at all. I find it dreadfully boring to spend every minute of the day playing with her but it seems to be what she wants. By the time dh comes in at night... I'm begging for a break. He just wants to eat his dinner and relax.

But, that all said... her latest thing is pulling the covers out of the dvd cases too. I need to find another place for them (out of reach).

dd2 was a terror for tantrums, a red mist would descend and that was that..

one of her more memorable ones was when we'd been shopping on the highstreet and split up, I took dd1 off one way and DH took DH to the cashpoint. This did not suit dd2. She apparently started complaining while queuing, started to get really cross when DH got to front of the queue and ended up lying face down on the floorflailing arms, kicking her legs, screaming at the top of her voice that she wanted her Mummy!

It was so bad that DH got stopped by two other Mums who were convinced she had been abducted

I heard the commotion from a long way further down the high street and had to go and rescue DH

dd2 is much more civilised now and rarely tantrums. She is nearly 9 though.....

catchastar - Im my opinion, i have found routine and rules make all the difference. Doesn't totally rule out tantrums of course.

My boys 2.5 and 16 months, do not eat their meals anywhere other than at the table in highchair or on booster seat with straps if needed. No toast in our couches.

I make sure that everything i dont want them to play with, mess with etc is out of reach or locked away. when my 1st son was 18 months old and i needed to leave him in his room while i had a shower etc I would make sure that he couldn't open his wardrobe, or he would have emptied it, i used hair bands round the handles in the end. They both now pull their books off the book case at least 4 times a day, i either put them back away or leave them out the way on the floor. Its them losing out on nice books if they get wrecked.
I have only recently come to realise, as my patience and energy (i'm 33 weeks pregnant)are running low that if they want to make a mess and cover the floor with toys, does it really matter? i make sure they both tidy away toys before mealtimes, not necessarily all the toys, just a couple of things each, like all the bricks and food, or cars etc i help them too and make it a bit fun. Maybe you could get your daughter involved in the tidying more if you dont already.

They do not mess with anything in my room, if we're all upstairs then they are either in one of their rooms with a safety gate on the room, we have a travel one, i use it in many rooms, or i put the gate on my room door. going in there and messing my things up is not an option. If they throw all the clothes toys etc over their own rooms, which they do everytime they're in there, then we all tidy it up before we move on to the next room.

My 16 month old is too young to understand a lot of things but my 2.5 year old still sometimes kicks me at nappy time, not good with a very pregnant belly. I resort to sitting with my thighs over his legs, and release a leg at a time, sounds cruel but works, he hates it and stops kicking me.

I have also noticed myself becoming a very shouty mom the last 3 days i have made a concious effort to spend more time with them, even if its just in 10 minute intervals of playtime. Rather than trying to clean and tidy all day long, I've tried to shout less, because my eldest just copies me and shouts too. Its working, we're all calmer.
Its very very hard to stay calm, especially when you wake up in the morning still tired and angry from the day before. You need to start every day as a new day, and remember how blessed you are to have a daughter at all. Some people aren't as fortunate as us.

I found because i was so pissed off sometimes, i'd shout at them over things that didn't really matter as well as the bigger things. lifes too short not worth it, and i constantly worry that they'll grow up believeing that you need to shout to get what you want.

You can do it. set boundaries, have rules and start enjoying her.
Do you sit down and play much? or read stories. or even sit down both of ou and watch 20 mins of cbeebies. it sounds like she wants your attention or at least more of your attention.

Give it a try, you'll see the results in days, i have

Fraid they come an dgo for a while yet. Boy started out with teh head banging on floor routine at 11months, progressed to screams and tears and refusing to move, was OK while I could pick him up and sling over shoulder. Now hes nearly 3 and still occasionally melts down. I aim to ignore, then comfort when he calms down a bit. The tantrums DON'T get him what he wanted ...

Yesterdays was a goodie. DS didn't want to leave friends house, strop and cry. got him out their door and he was OK ish.He didn't want to walk so we waited at bus stop ( not a problem) until bus hove into view at which point he started running towards next bus stop. ARRRGH. no enough time to catch him and bring him back so I ran after him and MADE him run all the way to next stop- we caught the bus. I decided to not let him chose where we would sit- he was in trouble for running off. SO boy screamed, and kicked and fought me all the way home. I restrained him on my lap. I had to carry him off the bus as he refused to walk off. he then ran off after bus again. SO I caught him and picked him up in uncomfortable way. carried him across road. put him down. he lay down screaming and crying and refused to move ( now only 100 yrd from home).
A Neighbor ( also childcare worker I know) came out to see what noise was about. she stayed with boy while I took shopping to out front garden an dumped it, then came back to carry boy home. put him straight to bed. 2 mins later he was asleep.

I think we will be avoiding calling in at friends after shopping for a while, he's not dealing well with that situation. Today - different day- pretty good. one or two minor strops over snacks and how mean a mother I was not to let him have an endless supply all day.

my dd was complete nightmare until at least 3 annd a half. is still challengig but ni where near what she used to be so please believe there is hope at the end of the tunnel. At one stage she would hit random children for no reason, refused (and by that I mean cried, screamed and lashed out til emotionally and physically shattered) to get dressed and was generally a ball of energetic, lovely, chaotic, nightmarish, challennging (ie hideous) lovable toddlerness. Have complete respect for you, doing it on your own is tough so believe me you are doing a fabulous job!!

ps; have you tried parentline? had lovely woman call me once a week for half hour at a time and although advice wasn't fabulous was nice to chat to someone and know i wasn't doing a bad job

How you doing this week catchastar?

God tantrums are the worst arent they. I often have days when I am watching the clock for his bedtime! Its especially hard on your own...

I have recently realised a link with negative attention and tantrums with my ds (not by any means suggesting it is the same for all toddlers). I notice he has more tantrums on days when I have less patience (and yes, I do think its that way round!).
He comes into the room and pulls the books out, and I dont like the mess and get him to tidy it up - tantrum.
He is a nightmare while I am cooking tea and wont leave the cupboards alone - tantrum.
He wont get dressed, I have no patience to distract, cajole etc him into it - tantrum.

What I am getting at with my ds anyway, is when I am short on patience, and telling him off for relatively minor things (like pulling things out of his drawers, making mess, eating felt tips - all normal 2yr old behaviour i reckon), and also not spending much POSITIVE time with him, I think he is naughty to get my attention.

So, now I ignore, then warn he will have time out (no attention there!), then straight into time out if he is naughty. And make a concious effort to sit and play too (I am working on getting him to tell me he wants me to play with him, rather than trying to grab my attention by being naughty), and also I am picking my battles - does it REALLY matter if he wants to play for 5 mins more before dinner time?

dunno if that is of any use to you? and I am by no means suggesting you are doing what I do (ie negative attention stuff). But I found since doing all that the tantrums have gone down in frequency

and I think that by reserving all their tantrums for you (I get this too - annoying isnt it!) shows how secure they feel with you that they can be a TOTAL ARSE and know you still love them.