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Parenting

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Original poster

Leaving a toddler with grandparents

19 replies

cmcloughlin · 19/02/2009 11:47

Hi
My husband and I have been asked by one of my closest friends to attend her wedding in Venice. She's only inviting us and although I am really looking forward to the prospect of a weekend away I feel guilty about leaving my two year old with her grandparents.
She's stayed with them a few times for a night and completely adores them. But, and this is where it gets complicated, my mum, who is pscyhotherapist has exporessed doubts at the length of time were away and that our daughter might get confused/anxious(we'll be flying at 7 on Thursday and returning Sat evening). However, I don't always take my mums word at gospel- despite being a fantastic therapist she doesn't always get it right when it coms to my daughter. Plus I think she is more worried about us spending money we don't have on this break (but that's another story!)
Has anyone experience of leaving a 2.3 year old for two nights. Did you regret it? Was it fine? Adive please.././.

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HollyGoHeavily · 19/02/2009 11:51

I think it will be fine - as you said she adores her grandparents!

I think your mum may be over analysing the situation - professional therapists don't switch off

supergluebum · 19/02/2009 11:51

I think you're mum's over thinking your daughters feelings on the matter. Or possibly she's the one who is anxious?

Are your parents staying at your house? That might make life a bit easier.

When my DS was 2 my DH and I went to Copenhagen for 2 nights and he was absolutely fine. I pre prepared meals for him and my parents, they decided to take him out to garden centres and the swings and had a fab weekend.

Tell your mum not to worry!

supergluebum · 19/02/2009 11:52

that should read your mum's....

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crokky · 19/02/2009 11:53

How is her speech (can't remember what it is like at 2.3 )? Would she be able to talk to you on the phone or understand what is going on?

stealthsquiggle · 19/02/2009 11:55

Mum is over-analysing - it's only 2 nights. We left DS for similar amount of time at similar age - he cried when he talked to me at bedtime but was fine again in 5 minutes (the phone call was the mistake ) - I agree it might be easier if your parents were at your house?

Could it be in fact that your mother is anxious about her own ability to cope?

Neeerly3 · 19/02/2009 12:04

having been leaving my dt's with grandparents for weekends since they were titchy. My family all live MILES away so a trip to visit for a few hours has never been an option, so instead they would have them for a weekend about once a month to give us a break and so they could spend quality time with the boys. Its meant a great bond has formed between them all and the boys are happy to stay wherever with them whenever needed. Which is great now the impending arrival of their little brother or sister is looming, and they will need to be with grandparents a great deal. (they are now 4 btw)

iwantitnow · 19/02/2009 12:04

Only two nights and your daughter will understand at that age - promise a present when you get back. Main problem will making sure your mum doesn't make your DD anxious!

Original poster

cmcloughlin · 19/02/2009 12:47

Wow - just got back from lunch to find your posts.
Thanks soo much for all your messages - feel better already. I have been obsessing about this for days so its good to get it off my chest!!
Crocky, she can speak quite well so I will definitely phone her - but not at bedtime!
stealthsquiggle and supergluebum - it will be at our house - and I will chat to my mum to double check shes not worried its giong to be too much

I will let you know how I get on..

OP posts:

Gemzooks · 19/02/2009 12:51

I would totally do it, get her used to it a bit now (and grandparents). It's not very long, you can phone her and once she's experienced you coming back once, the next time will be easier, as she knows mummy and daddy always come back. We have only not done this so far due to logistics (live in different country to gps).

You could have a little treat like a little plant or tree with 3 treats or little surprises in bags hanging on the branches and she takes one off and eats it on the first day, second one on second day, third one etc. with explanation that by the time third one has been eaten, mummy is coming home on the same day or whatever.. I still remember this being used on me as a small kid when my mum went away for a few days, and how reassuring it was

PlumBumMum · 19/02/2009 12:57

She'll definately be fine I went for a weekend to Amsterdam friday morn to sun afternoon,

ds was 6months(didn't really want to leave him but it was aurprise b'day present) and dd was 2.10,
they had a fab time getting spoiled and dd loved all the little goodies we brought her back

Also I remember one of the mums at toddlers telling me to relax and enjoy it as we'd be back before we knew it and guess what that was 5 yrs ago, don't think we've been away on our own since, so take the opportunity while you have it

purpleduck · 19/02/2009 13:10

Yes, GO!!!
Explain to her (many times) that you will be going away for 2 sleeps - she will be having fun with Grandma, and then you will come home.

Maybe arrange for some post to arrive for her when you are gone? My kids go berserk for post

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/02/2009 15:33

def go

i do a lot of proxy parenting (24hr care) and all of the children i have had have been fine, had fun and parents came back refreshed

in your case it is easier as she is staying with a loved family member

sometimes phone calls arent the best thing to do

have a great time and dont worry

PlumBumMum · 19/02/2009 16:14

((runs in to wave at blondes, back to overseeing homework))

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/02/2009 17:05

and continues to multitask and feed baby and listen to reading and check spellings

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/02/2009 17:05

and continues to multitask and feed baby and listen to reading and check spellings

AbbyLou · 19/02/2009 17:43

Your dd will be fine although I tend to agree about the phonecall, it n=might not be the best idea. It can upset them when they suddenly remember that you're not there. We left ds for the first time for 2 nights when he was 10 months and now we leave both of them. Ds is 4 and dd is 20 months and they both love the time they have with the gps. They get undivided attention 100% of the time. I would your mu is over-thinking the situation because of her job.

Karamazov · 19/02/2009 18:24

My Girls have stayed with the Gparents before, and last year DD1 (now 2.3) went on holiday (long weekend - Fri to Mon) and loved it. Unfortunately, mum reported that she didn't miss me at all. But they are very close to my parents, so I had no doubts over that at all. If your child is close to your parents, then she'll have a whale of a time - go and have fun!

popgreen · 19/02/2009 20:54

Hi,
Although I agree with some of the comments I would actually go with what your mum is saying.You may not like what your Mum is saying because you know there might be some truth in it. I would argue that it is confusing for a 2 year old to have both parents be away for such a long period of time, even if your child adores your mum he/she will still want/need you there, especially at night, and at 2 they don't have the capacity to understand why the parent is leaving them. You say you have been worrying about this, go with your instincts you know whats best for your child, remind yourself they are only little for such a short period of time, and missing out on things is just part of being a parent. Or can you not take your little one with you? Or ask your mum to come away so that you can see your child throughout the weekend? I am sure you know in your heart what is the right thing for you and your baby.

nancy75 · 19/02/2009 20:57

my dd went to spain with my parents for 8 days last summer, she was 2.9, she had a great time, spoke to us on the phone, didnt miss us at all and still remembered us when she got home.

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