Anyone plan for and have second child when looking after dh with long term chronic illness/disability?

[dandycandyjellybean]

If so how hard is it, compared to one? We only planned to have one (waited 17 yrs to do that because of our situation). Lovely ds is now 3.3, and out of the blue, dh has started talking about a sibling for him!!!! I struggle with depression, even on maxed out meds, and am about to start some counselling. I feel as though I cope fairly well most of the time with things, but it is only just, iyswim. And I would welcome anyone else's thoughts experiences. Looked in the pg mumsnet book on second pgs, (this without any disab issues) and all the posts were negative or downright gloomy!

Part of me would love another, but part of me feels as though things are starting to get easier now ds is more self sufficient, am starting to get the tiny part of life back that is 'mine' (getting to the gym, etc), and that to upset that all now would be madness.......?????

More than one is fab!! So much chldrens questions and conversations, totally different from child - grown up conversation, and they play together, laugh at different things, fall out, fight, etc, and learn to rub along. I feel sorry for only children, being one of three and having three (despite one being severely disabled). Two or more kids together can have so much more fun than a kid and a grown-up. On the more sombre side, when you and dh grow older, and the kids grow up it means the decision and care burden can be shared between siblings, then one child doesn't have to take all responsibility. That's a bit heavy - sorry.

Thanks LGoodLife, it is only the thought of him being on his own after we die that has really motivated me tbh. Do you have any health issues, as with the depression etc, with me? Is your dh disabled too, coz obviously that severly limits the help he can be with ds, and any subsequent dc's. Thanks for your input.

This has got heavy hasn't it, sorry. Its one of my kids that has the disabilities - non walking, non talking, severe learning dis, tube fed IT SOUNDS AWFUL but.... she is very happy and has great quality of life. It does get me down - tried therapy for the depression but wasn't right for me. I believe we are all only human and just have to do the best we can for those around us. The baby/toddler stage is so short that it whizzes by and then one day you realise your kids have feet as big as your own!! We got help at home from SURESTART (charity I think) when kids were young, and now we get Social services help with supper/bath time. And time to do whatever you like is essential. I have an allotment. Its my escape, I only used to get 2 hours here and there during playgroup time.

Thanks, didn't know about Surestart with ds, any help would be welcome. I do get a lot of support and some help from mil and sil who are local. Like the sound of an allotmennt too!!

Why not ring up social services and ask what organisations offer help to struggling families with under fives locally - pile it on thick, talk about the worst days, not the easiest. Some schemes will come to your house (one woman used to come here and bake!! another would play games with my others while I did the physio with No 3 and other help can be task-specific to the non-able person, offering a trained person to do specific things.) youre lucky to have relatives who can help - we don't.

Wow thanks LGoodLife, it sounds amazing! The more I think about it the more I want to......aaarrrgggghhh scary!

My nickname is one friends here have given me thanks to the allotment. I just have to try to live up to it, not always easy as you know.....

I look forward to any announcements in the next few months. (cheeky grin emoticon)

Have 2 little ones and a wife with a severe brain injury (following the birth of number 2) and despite however hard things are (and with my circumstances they are), I'm always so glad that there are 2 of them. It just feels and works so much better. Hope this helps.

we went through this when contemplating having 2nd child - DH has very aggressive form of MS and we have no family near to help out. I used to get angry with people who told me that I had enough on my plate and shouldn't even consider having another child - I felt that we had been robbed of enough of the joys of life without insenstive comments like that!

we were fortunate enough to fall pregnant with a 2nd child but I suffered with severe sickness and had a few arguments to stay out of hospital - fortunately I had very understanding and helpful GP - DS1 went to nursery most days and on the days he was home he watched alot of Cbeebies. it was hard but we ended up with a very healthy baby who is now 20mths - it is much easier in so many ways than we expected - at times it has been hard but we have never ever once regretted our decision (even when he crayons dark blue all over the freshly painted walls!)