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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

i am going to have to give ds this bad news [sad]

22 replies

cheeryface · 18/02/2009 13:03

i have just heard that a teacher at ds secondary school, who he got on with and liked a lot has killed himself

i was only talking to him at parents evening on thursday, ds was asking me what i thought of mr and did i like him etc

how do i break that to him?

OP posts:

giraffescantdancethetango · 18/02/2009 13:05

Oh god how sad

WHat age is he?

Tamarto · 18/02/2009 13:05

Oh i'm so sorry, i have no useful advice i'm afraid but someone will have some i'm sure.

Iklboo · 18/02/2009 13:07

Perhaps they'll have a special assembly that will explain it to the children?

MrsMattie · 18/02/2009 13:07

That's awful. How very sad for your boy, too .

RubyRioja · 18/02/2009 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flightattendant27 · 18/02/2009 13:12

I'm not sure. By way of explanation you could possibly approach it from a long term perspective.

Ie it wasn't because of what was going on right now in his life, not the children's fault, not really about anything 'now' but that some people have sad things happen to them when they are little, and they can't forget their hurt because they didn't have enough help, and one day they just want it to stop hurting and so they give up. But that he was very brave to carry on all this time when inside he was hurting so much.

It's hard to say without knowing the chap in question. So sorry for your boy xx

lou031205 · 18/02/2009 13:24

Great advice from Flightattendant, I think.

fattiemumma · 18/02/2009 13:26

oh dear lord. that is awful.

im so sorry

Original poster

cheeryface · 18/02/2009 13:29

thanx. i think i will try to find out a bit more detail before i tell him. that is all i know.
ds is 13 btw

OP posts:

weebump · 18/02/2009 13:31

How sad. How old is your ds?

Flightattendant, do you think it's wise to suggest the teacher was hurt when he was little? It might get the op's son thinking of all sorts of things regarding himself, and might not be right?

MarmadukeScarlet · 18/02/2009 13:33

Great advice from FA, my dear brother killed himself when I was a teen (he was 29) and something like that would have soothed my guilt no end.

weebump · 18/02/2009 13:34

Ah, he's 13.

Very sad. Maybe the school can advise you?

LaDiDaDi · 18/02/2009 13:38

Whatever you say you should try to emphasis that it wasn't the fault of ds or his friends or anyone's behaviour at school so your ds knows that this was because of some deeper/more profound sadness that was within his teacher even if he appeared happy.

I would avoid presuming that the teacher has some sort of abuse in childhood but I like the rest of FA's advice, especially the bit about how brave the teacher was to carry on for so long. I would also had about how important it is to tell someone that youlove if you are feeling very sad because then you can b helped to feel better.

ThreadieMair · 18/02/2009 13:41

Oh Jesus, that's awful. I'm so sorry.

I would be very afraid of speaking to my 13yo about suicide. I'd be tempted to get a professional opinion first on how to address it with him.

SparklyGothKat · 18/02/2009 13:43

Flightattendant27 · 18/02/2009 13:49

I don't mean abuse, maybe just something sad happened to him - sorry was just winging it really - no experience so don't take my thoughts as those of someone wise on this.

ThreadieMair · 18/02/2009 13:49

I found this advice for parents on helping children to cope with suicide.

Perhaps it is aimed at children who have lost someone closer than a teacher, but it might be of some help.

Flightattendant27 · 18/02/2009 13:50

Marmaduke I am sorry about your brother x

ladyhelen2 · 18/02/2009 13:51

I would ask the school how they plan on dealing with it. They must need to say something to his pupils and if you were to say something different to your DS as opposed to what the school say, it could be confusing for him.
What an awful awful thing to happen.

nickschick · 18/02/2009 14:00

When I was at school our English teacher commited suicide too and we were called to a special meeting (actually his classroom) and it was explained to us that Mr xxxxx had had some difficulties in his personal life that affected his emotional health as a teacher (his professional life) he was very happy he enjoyed teaching his classes he enjoyed his pupils and his work had really become the 'stay' of his life but as we were all moving along taking options and our lives were moving on etc etc Mr xxxx was unable to 'stop' time and found the thoughts of the future very difficult.

There was nothing any of us could do only be happy that his teaching career had given him such pride and that he wouldnt want us to be sorrowful for him but to remember him and move along - the teacher explained it so nicely and at the end she handed round our excercise books that hed taken care to mark before he did it and there was several of us with a smiley face for good work.

Its very sad for your son.

gagarin · 18/02/2009 14:05

tell him soon - or he'll hear on the grapevine (text/internet/email) and what he hears may not be as well phrased as what you have to say.

MarmadukeScarlet · 18/02/2009 15:48

Thank you FA. I didn't read what you had written as meaning abuse, my DB wasn't abused.

Good explaination also nickschick.

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