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Original poster

How do you start to 'let go'??

24 replies

SparklyGothKat · 18/02/2009 00:46

We have 4 wonderful children who we would die for, but we have kept them close to us at all times. Ds1 is 11 and has cerebral palsy, Dd1 is 8 and has Cerebral palsy and ADHD, dd2 is 7 and has no problem and then there is Ds2 who is 16 months.
The older ones would like to go to the park which is just around the corner, and about 1 minute walk. I have been thinking that we need to 'let go' but how do you do that? I am not one of these people who think there is a peado on every corner, but am aware that Dd1 will talk to anyone and has no stranger awareness.
I know I have to let go but how!!

OP posts:
wheesht · 18/02/2009 01:01

Hi sparkly (from gibberish btw)

Oooh difficult one. I have found this very difficult as am very over-protective. But I think that if you can allow them a little freedom, whilst still looking out for them, you can't do much wrong. Letting go doesn't mean stopping keeping an eye on them. If you are a naturally protective parent, you will probably never let go completely. And I don't think that is a bad thing.

How about starting off by letting dd1 have 10 minutes on her own at the park before you go check. Increase that to 15 mins when you feel comfortable etc. I think sometimes our own fear is greater than the actual danger out there.

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 18/02/2009 01:13

The park is across a small road which they can cross outside the house and then walk to the park, so no more roads to cross, but I am over-protective, I know that. Ds1 has been out with the other kids in the street as i feel he needs some indepence as he starts secondary school soon.
I do let the girls play out the front of the house, but they are only allow on the drive and in front of the house where I can see them. Its so hard as Dd1's stranger and danger awareness is poor.

OP posts:
wheesht · 18/02/2009 01:23

Can really sympathise. I find it so hard with dd3 and dd4. If anything have become more protective the more children I have had! I really don't think there is any easy answer.

You are a great mother though, and your concern about them shows that. I try to remember that the dangers are mostly in my own head and put it into prospective when I think that I don't actually know any children around here that have come to harm whilst out playing. As long as you are nearby and are concerned and know where they are and what they are doing, you are doing your best for them.

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wheesht · 18/02/2009 01:24

errm perspective even.... (too late at night and a glass of wine too many)

muggglewump · 18/02/2009 01:26

Can you see them out of the window?, or if not sneakily watch?
Do they have good friends that they could go to the shops with, or the park. would you trust your kids to behave?
It's always hard the first time but the first time is only once. Once it's done it gets easier.

wheesht · 18/02/2009 01:27

How are you doing anyway? Remember when you were having your last one - was very exciting

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 18/02/2009 01:30

can't see the park from window as its around the corner, if I could knock a few of the houses down, then I could see them lol!!

I am doing ok. Callum (ds2) is doing well, he is 17 months old now and walking and talking now. He is into everything, and I really need eyes in the back of my head with him lol. Still BF him, and wishing in a way that he would self wean, but when I ask if he wants milk, he walks over and lifts my top up and says 'milk' so think he will be BF for a while yet

OP posts:
wheesht · 18/02/2009 01:33

lol Ah well he sounds contented and it must be doing him good. Can't believe he is 17mths already Have so much catching up to do.

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 18/02/2009 01:37

there is pics on my profile, he has grown so much. I was looking at pics of him when he was in SCBU and I find it hard to believe he is the same child. He had weight gain issues for the first 4-5 months and was tiny for ages, but once he went onto solids he just piled it on and now is looking well. He is still small for his age (just gone into 12-18 months clothes) but he is doing well.

OP posts:
wheesht · 18/02/2009 01:41

Great pics! Just been to visit friend who had very prem baby. She is 4mths now and is doing very well at 7.10lbs. So cute.

How is misdee? And is lisa still around?

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 18/02/2009 01:43

Misdee is trying to kerb her Mn addiction atm so not about much. You know she had another little girl in nov??
Lisa is still around too.

OP posts:
wheesht · 18/02/2009 01:55

Good grief. Your family is about as fertile as mine

Glad they all seem to be doing well. Why are you still up at this unearthly hour? I always used to end up being the sole surviver on MN talking to myself. Nothing much seems to have changed. Insomnia is a killer.

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 18/02/2009 01:58

I fell asleep earlier with callum when he wouldn't settle and now am not tired I will be tired tomorrow. I am looking for some new nappy wraps for Callum atm lol (good thing about the internet, always something to do)

OP posts:
wheesht · 18/02/2009 02:12

Need to get yourself over to MOL then. I was a terribly un eco friendly mum when my girls were little. Blame it on having them all too close together (no excuse). If I had a little one now - which will NOT happen - I would be very interested in cloth nappies. Too late now though I fear. Feeling horribly broody atm

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 18/02/2009 02:17

MOL?? I am off to bed now. have brought some wraps on ebay, so better log off before I spend too much lol

OP posts:
wheesht · 18/02/2009 02:21

Sorry mumsonline

Night!

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 18/02/2009 10:49

bump for morning people

OP posts:
cory · 18/02/2009 11:35

Really hard one, isn't it? You want to give them independence, the age is right, but then disability comes in and complicates the picture.

I have just started sending dd into town with little brother for support, in case her joints give and she collapses. He can't lift her, but he can at least get help if she is in too much pain to speak.

It's all about finding ways around, isn't it? I wish I could think of a good suggestion of how to work round a lack of danger awareness. Maybe if you post in the Special Needs forum, you will find parents who have faced this particular one.

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 18/02/2009 11:38

I completely trust Ds1 but he isn't an outdoory person and prefers to stay in with us. The girls are the ones who want to play out.

OP posts:
DanJARMouse · 18/02/2009 11:45

OMG!!!!!

Look at the size of Callum! Well done SGK, he is adorable and looks so big, cant believe its the same baby!

Sorry, no advice on the playing out bit - mine are too young (although they play at our park but we are right next to it and we are on a secluded estate)

Just cant believe that is Callum.... have you swapped him with a toddler?!

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 18/02/2009 11:49

PMSL! he is a toddler now. He is small still but HUGE compared to what he was.

OP posts:
DanJARMouse · 18/02/2009 11:51

i know, i look at Daniel and wonder where my baby is! He is massive though (always has been) and in 18-24mnth clothes.

must upload some more recent photos of him, he is a real chunk.

He is adorable though, looks like a proper little boy as apposed to the little cute babies we all had!

compo · 18/02/2009 11:51

wow, so Misdee has 4 girls now? say hi to her from us xxx

Original poster
SparklyGothKat · 18/02/2009 11:54

callum from birth to now

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