Please help me start again

[NAB09]

DD is 5.

Has just pushed me when I was showering her and tried to kick me.

DS2 is 3 and is refusing to go to bed. Has always been a good going to bed child albeit it had to be me that put him down and with rituals, but now he screams at me. 3 years old! He is in the hall crying atm.

We have no control over any of our children and all they seem to do is argue back, hurt each other and it is beyond normal behaviour imo/e.

It sounds like they are worried because you're feeling stressed. Children pick up on the slightest stress in the atmosphere.

They're being like this because they're concerned that all Is Not Well, and don't know how to articulate it.

Mine do it when I am ill or stressed (a lot!)

In fact they are doing it tonight and you have saved me starting a thread about it - I never listen to myself, first to analyse others

That's crap for you NAB.

I found the How To Talk So Kids Will Listen book and the other ones by those authors incredibly helpful. Also books by alfie kohn like Unconditional parenting

Dh is poorly.

I am shattered.

Kids are a nightmare unless they want something.

I can usually joke ds1 out of it. Not that I always have the energy to...he is testing to see how I cope (or not) with his behaviour. He wants me to be alright, when I'm not it's awful, feel so useless.

If we tried to joke DD out of anything she would go ballistic. If she thinks we are laughing (in a cute way) at something she has said or done she cries.

dd crying

ds2 crying

great

I think maybe girls/boys different, but you have authority on that having both

They will be crying from tiredness I expect if it's bedtime.

Usually a good sign with ds as he will be completely gone within minutes.

Are you doing story or anything?

All in bed

I can not believe how my 3 year old can scream at me.

No stories tonight. They normally like to read but no chance of that.

Meant to be going to PIL tomorrow.....

DD wrote me a note earlier on saying she hated me. And blatently lied about it. Blamed her 3 year old brother who can't write. Didn't blame her 7 year old brother but his writing is a lot messier than hers so we know it was her.

Do you think you will still go? Is DH very bad, on a scale of death's door to malingerer? It must be hard looking after him as well as the babes.

Oh x post

That must ahve made you feel awful. Again probably a test of how you'll react?

DH is genuinely poorly but has helped as much as possible.

Told DD she won't go and she said she doesn't want too. Come the morning she will be desperate to go.

Have still got somewhere a note from my sister to mum and dad saying 'I want to be adopted i don't like this plase'

think she was about 4

she gets on well with them now, well sort of. Is well adjusted grown up iyswim..!

Hopefully in the morning they will all be too excited to misbehave

Will DH go too or just you and them?

I will take them. They are staying overnight and the older two are allowed 2 nights.

Do you generally get on Ok with pIL? Are they helpful/supportive to you?

I never know whether to look forward to my parents coming round or dread it. They can help at times but often is hard work.

MIL was amazing with all the stuff over Christmas but they don't understand depression at all. Also amazing at financial help (MIL offers more than I will take though) and they have had the kids a lot just lately. A week on Sat hubby and I are away to London for a night for my birthday and to see a show.

Oh wicked

That might be just what is needed!

Hope it goes alright tomorrow. Can you get some rest tonight?

We had last Sat night alone too.

Kids are happier there. We are happy having some time together.

I get notes from DD about once a week how much she hates me... next day I probably get "I love you" note from her. I can't take any of it too seriously.

I had DS 7yo, DD5yo, DS3yo not easy. So I don't have any magical advice I made my situation worse by having one more baby . However, on the plus side, at least they are lively and have their own opinions. I cling to the hope that if they are independent-minded they won't just succomb to peer pressure all the time. There's a plus side to every personality trait.