do you ever think you're not cut out to be a mother?

[whatamithinking]

i only have one dd (2.6) at the mo, currently pg with another dd, but I feel like I cant cope with her at the moment. she seems to be constantly unhappy, tantruming, crying, not sleeping, hitting, throwing. i know these are normal 2 year old behaviours but all other mum's seem to cope fine with 2,3,4 or even more dc. everything i do for her isnt good enough and i find myself thinking more and more that I'm just not cut out for this and that i'm much happier the 3 days I'm at work

i know this is a horrible thread to type, and i feel so bad for dd for even thinking these things, but i cant say anything like this in rl and need to get it out.

i have everything made, i know i do, healthy children and a great dh but i just dont feel i know what i'm doing and cant do anything right to keep her happy

really sorry

I think most people with a tantrumming 2 year old will have felt this

I certainly did.

It shall pass

"all other mum's seem to cope fine with 2,3,4 or even more dc. "

Ha! You should have seen us on Saturday struggling with ours.

They are damn hard work at that age and you being pregnant makes it all the harder. Hang on in there and it will get better, I promise.
Don't feel guilty about enjoying work more than childcare at the moment - most people feel that at some point IME!

God I could have written your post when mine were that age so many times over.

Its bloody hard, but it does pass. Mine are older now, and it gets a lot better I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel.

thanks for replying, i cant help thinking i'm just crazy for having another baby though and doing all this again when i'm doing sooooo badly at it with only 1 dd. I really want this new baby, dont get me wrong, but very scared how i will actually cope

Sometimes being pregnant with a toddler to look after is actually harder than having 2 children. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but you can feel so crap when you're pregnant, that even though there is actually more work to do with a toddler and a newborn, at least when the baby has been popped our your mind and body will be in a better state to deal with it all.
That's what I found anyway

Tantrums are no fun at all. Just accept that you're not going to do anything right for a while and do things to get a little peace, like turn the telly on or get a dvd.

I've always found being pregnant and dealing with these things harder than it would otherwise be, if that's any consolation.

I posted recently about this recently and I think everyone has a hard time at some point.

Inless you are Brad/Ang then you really do have perfect children under control

I have just had my fourth, he is 15 weeks and today I have been asking myself how other mums of more than one manage perfectly and I can't I have come to the conclusion that they are just putting on a front and their lives must be just as manic as mine is at times. It's half term, my house is a dump, my kids have all turned up their volume and I am looking forward to bedtime.

It is important to remember that us mums have good times and bad times, but it will pass. I try to focus on the postive (sometimes very hard) and how lucky I am to have kids.

This is how I stay sane, although must of they time I feel I am going insane

Yes, mummymini, you're right. Thing is, EVERYONE tries to hold it together in public. If I ever get told that I look like I'm coping well, I normally fess up and admit to it just being a front.
Blimey though mummymini $ kids!! I'm currently pg with 3rd and having days where the fear of having three becomes overwhelming!

I have days like this too and remember feeling very crappy when I was pregnant with DS (DD was two when I had him)

Also, my DD knew there were changes ahead with the new baby, no matter how much you try to reassure them they pick up on things being different and it can upset them and lead to difficult behaviour. She settled down a lot once my son arrived as though he thought "oh, that's all it was !" and just relaxed again. Also as another poster said, being pregnant can leave you so tired that it is hard to cope with anything!

My Ds is now 19 months and I have far fewer "I'm a crap mum" days now . Give it time and be kind to yourself, you are doing a great job!

thank you all, its reassuring to hear i'm not the only one who has felt like this. just recently she seems to be getting unhappier and i'm getting more tired. not a good mix!
i also worry if people around me see me struggling to cope and think oh my god what is she doing!!

I'm 31 weeks with #2 at the mo, and just can't wait for the little blighter to LEAVE MY ABDOMEN!!!!
DS is 2 and 4 months, and, while he's very easy, does throw the odd tant, and when it's hard to bend over, and you're itchy, and still being sick occasionally, you think "Jesus, how am I gonna do this with 2 of them?"
But.....you can bend over, you can breathe properly again, you won't itch and the dragging, ever-present tiredness will have been replaced by a tiredness which a half-decent lie-in can solve.

EVERY DAY

Kids are great at making you feel inadequate even if you're confident/a great parent/ a great person

LOL they don't come with a manual. It will pass.
And thank GOD for MN

Yes particularly when mine (aged 4) says "Mummy I am very disappointed in you"!

am also pg with a toddler and feel like a very crap mum sometimes.
like others have said though I think (or a least i hope) that being pg is a large part of the problem. Tiredness is a killer-it makes it very hard to be patient and tempers get frayed very easily. And I know if I lose my temper with my dd things get a lot worse.

Like you I find it easier to be at work sometimes and am feeling a bit guilty that I'll still be sending dd to the CM when am on mat leave (as of thursday)-no actually, I feel guilty that I don't feel guilty about sending her! because I'd know I'll get no peace or rest if she's at home all the time, I'll end up losing my temper alot and she'll probably have a lot more fun at the CM's than wth her heavily pg, grumpy tired mother...

and recently I've been wondering if I'm crazy to be having another one, too, when just one seems like such hard work...

but hang in there-the tantrum phase will pass eventually (I hope!) and you won't be pregnant forever.Things WILL get better!

OP you are so not alone! I feel like that too - 18mo dd and also pg with no2 (due end May). Like Cat am feeling a bit guilty that I am so much looking forward to this baby being out and at home with me while dd goes to nursery half time. V glad to find someone else doing that though - all the other mums I know seem to take their elder dc out of creche for the whole time and cope heroically, which I'm sure I won't! ANd it's encouraging though to read that things may well be easier with baby rather than with bump! Hadn't thought of that at all and will definitely be focusing on that next time I start to panic about how insane we are to have another one.