Ok, so tell me what you would have done in this situation

[CrackerNut]

Yesterday, Dd2(8), found an old Amy comic with a double spread, mega busy picture to colour in.
Since then she has been doing a little bit every now and then, making a great effort to do it neatly.

She did some this afternoon and then left it on the floor by the fireplace with the coloring pens.

We were just sat watching the skating when I left the room to make hot chocolate and dd2 followed me. She went back into the living room and screamed at the top of her voice because Ds (6) was in the middle of coluring her picture. His colouring skills are still very much scribbling and so the picture is ruined. I started to tell him off but then could tell by his face that he was absolutly horrified at dd2's reaction, and he sobbed to me that he was helping and didn't mean to do it wrong.
I can tell when ds is being sincere or not and he definatly was. I explained to him that he shouldn't have touched it without asking dd2 and asked him to apologise, which he did, and again he was really sincere.
I have just put Ds to bed and inbetween sobs he said he will draw dd a new picture to colour of a princess.

Dd2 now feels that I am being unfair for not punishing him and is also in her room sobbing, but what else can I do ?? Ds genuinly didn't mean to ruin her picture so I don't feel it is fair to punish him any further.

WWYD ?

I'm afraid I'd be cross with dd2 tbh for making such a fuss when she is supposed to be the older and therefore more sensible one. But I am probably a mean mummy, as dd1 says I am!

Exactly what you did. It's horrid for both of them but you did the right thing IMO. It is also a valuable lesson for your DD to put things away perhaps or at the very least to highlight to everyone if something is important and special?

janeite -why cross with DD2? Surely you can see why she was so disappointed?

I think you did right.. he wasn't being naughty. Sad for everybody but soon forgotten in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps you could buy dd a new colouring 'from ds'?

I couldn't be cross with dd too much because she had worked so hard on the picture and is really upset that she can't finnish it now, but I did tell her that she should really have put it away if she didn't want anyone to touch it.

I did just look to see if you can get back issues of the magazine, but it doesn't look like it, and I don't know the issue number anyway as it's been torn off.

I have just spoken to dd again and asked her if she really thinks that Ds meant to ruin it and she said no but she just wanted to finnish it nicely.

Yes of course - but I'd be cross with her for going on and on about it once ds had apologised and for demanding he be punished.

Thats what I am going to do I think Humphreys

I am in agreement with Thankyouandgoodnight and the ds has offered to draw a new picture for his sister to colour in tomorrow, bless him.

i would have done exactly the same.
and maybe take him to buy her a new magazine that he can give her?

New colouring book I mean, of course

I think you reacted well. May be a good idea to have a round the table chat with them tomorrow and let them understand each others feelings. Doesn't have to be a big deal just a 10 minute chat where they can discuss it and hopefully resolve.

Btw CrackerNut, your children sound very sweet.

janeite... she is only 8! she's upset, have a heart

She didn't demand he be punished, more said she thought it was unfair that I wasn't punishing him. I have explained to her now that I feel his being so upset aswell is punishment enough.

Explain to ds2 that it would be nice if she spent a little of her pocket money perhaps a gift to dd2 to put things rights.

This is what often happens in the grown up world when we make a genuine mistake - we try to put things right with perhpas a small gift or a special treat.

I think buying a new colouring book from ds is a good idea.

However, heartless or not, I also think that 8 is old enough to know that it was an accident and that it's time to move on and not want him punished.

Off to give the children their gruel now.

Thanks BaDaBing, Dd2 and Ds are very close and so I think it upset them both that each other was upset iykwim.

Will definatly get a new colouring book for Ds to give to dd.

Believe me, if Ds had reacted how he normally does when told off then he would have been punished, but he was so absolutly horrified that I knew he'd not done it to be nasty.

janeite - oh well, maybe I'm a mean mummy as well, but I do agree
TYAG - yes, a valuable lesson in putting away - my tiddlers are currently learning this one - it seems to be a hard one to grasp - they keep getting sanctions for leaving stuff all over the floor - do they really want it to be trodden on?

But at 6, he's old enough to know better really! If he was a toddler, I'd understand that 'he was only trying to help!'. But he's old enough to know that it was wrong. His sister had every right to be upset.