Risk averse me vs Evil Knievel DH - what do you do when you can't agree on risk levels?

[snigger]

Brief outline :

DH : ex-rock-climber, off-roading enthusiast, general rugged out-doorsy type.

Me : rollercoasters are my limit, but I'm not entirely humourless or unadventurous.

We're currently at loggerheads over yesterdays activities. Fresh snow, plus DH, plus Land Rover, plus tow-rope, plus large boogy-board ....... plus DDs.

They went out there to make snowmen, I looked out of the kitchen window and he was towing them across the paddock, albeit fairly slowly.

So, all's well, no-one's hurt, and despite feeling like killjoy of the year I'm for banning such shenanegins in future.

DH reckons I'm wrapping them in cotton wool, a bit of rough and tumble never hurt, it was thick fresh soft snow, wide stable board, and in his opinion safer on the flat than down a hill.

Opinions?

Interesting: DH and I are like this, only I'm the more 'adventurous' one.

We agreed that, because the risk-averse one (DH) has real - if unlikely - concerns about an accident, we have to go with the lowest common denominator, and not do the thing which the risk averse person fears. If an accident were to happen, no-one would ever forgive themselves, IYSWIM.

So, although it sounds as if your DH was careful, if one of your DDs had slipped under the car, even at slow speeds,... well, it doesn't bear thinking about.

That sounds like great fun, and I don't even like rollercoasters!

I should hasten to add - it's not about wrapping in cotton wool. Rough and tumble is good: but throwing a car into the mix? That's where I would be concerned, I suppose.

agree with penthesileia, don't like the sound of the car in there

I get nervous when DH pushes dd too high on the swing

oooh it does sound very dangerous!

I mirror what the op said!

I am a 'cotton wool wrapper' though, and although smiled at your dd's having fun and in our day it would have been fine I just cringe at the thought of anything remotely riskful!

I hasten to add, he was towing them on the flat, using a very long rope (around 10 mtrs), if they'd been 12 feet from the bumper I'd have reversed over him myself to make my point.

For me, the main risk was a fall at speed, or the rope snapping, and the possibility that he could misinterpret the safety of the speed he was going at.

We are at an impasse, because I do admit left to me they'd probably never climb a tree. I have conniptions if they go to the top of a playground slide, imagining falls onto heads - I am a bit too 'worst-case-scenario'.

We don't get snow often enough for this to be a day to day risk, but it's kind of brought to a head the difference in our approaches, and the -row- discussion is grumbling on.

I think there's a difference between childhood rough and tumble - and that does include tree climbing - which carries risks, but acceptable risks; and introducing third-party risk, IYSWIM.

So, in your original scenario: your DDs tearing about, playing on their boogy boards in the snow, using their own steam: risk of, say, crashing into a fence, or falling off, or whatever. These are risks which come with normal, healthy play.

But, your DH introduces a further element: the Land Rover.

I think when a situation becomes more, well, triangulated, then the risk averse person - particularly when thinking about their own children - has a right to veto certain things.

I think my DH is overcautious in some matters; but, as I said, we have agreed that his concerns are legitimate, and so I respect them.

I am the more adventuros one here to, DH is open to risk, but maybe not as much as me.

To be honest i probably would have been out there with Ds being pulled along with him! Everybody is ok, so no point worrying about the what if's. They all had fun and surly thats a good thing.

And just for the record i hate rollercoasters!

My DH carries on doing whatever he was doing regardless of what I say. Infact, he will do it more to make a point.

The last thing was him running up the road with 2 year old DD on his shoulders. He's been doing it since she was old enough to go on shoulders and I am just not comfortable with it for all the obvious reasons.

what would you do?

would you let him carry on, think i already know the answer!

I am mopping sweat from my brow at that picture.

That's a strawman, I think - plain stupidity (on the parents' part: 1) letting him play with a saw , 2) standing on the plank like that ).

If it were my child, I would shriek point out the likely consequences of his actions, and pull him the hell off of there and leave him to it...

sorry snigger!

I agree it is a difficult one, maybe a little extreme! but i am sure my parents wouldn't have stopped me from doing stuff like that, and i am still alive just with a few more scars than the average person and kicking!

I am a bit about the car, too. 10 metre tow rope makes it better, but I still probably wouldnt have done it.
I am a risk taker and outdoorsy type(oddly enough, hate roller coasters though!)