Accusation about grandpa

[Idratherbeincognito]

I'm a regular mumsnetter but posting anonymously because of the stigma and sensitivity of this problem.

I'm afraid that this is going to be a long post.

It started last Friday. DD (2.9) started to complain that there was a spider in her car seat and was wriggling uncomfortably. Conversation went a bit like this:

Me: are you itchy and uncomfortable?
DD: Yes
Me: Where?
DD: On my bottom
Me: bottom or twinkle? [twinkle is her name for vagina]
DD: twinkle
DD: It's sore, I scratched it
Me: You scratched it? Has anyone else touched it?

(Yes I know leading question, I don't know what made me ask it really)

DD: Yes grandpa
Me: Grandpa, are you sure?
DD: Yes.
Me: Where did this happen?
DD: In the garden
Me: What did you say?
DD: I said ouch

I then decided to test dd. Basically I asked her if anyone else had touched her i.e. grandma, daddy, the ladies at nursery. To which she replied 'no'. I would have been happier if she had replied 'yes' to the others as that would have made the whole grandpa thing a bit less likely iyswim

Dd does occasionally come up with embellishments or little fibs. For instance, she will say that the staff at Day Nursery smack her, and once she told my friend that the graze on her knee was because daddy pushed her, when in fact daddy had tried to catch her when she fell from a climbing frame (and thus grazed her knee).

I don't want to dismiss this is a fib though just in case it is the truth.

I did take her to the doctors on Friday to discuss this. The Dr examined her and she has a bit of thrush but not physical injury or anything down there. The Dr said she will discuss this with an expert colleague in child protection for advice, and has arranged to see me again in a week to discuss further.

Just don't know what to think. What would you think in the circumstances?

Thanks for asking Beetroot. I haven't thought about it much - it's lodged at the back of my mind somewhere; it's not a pleasant thing to mull over so I suppose I'm making a subconscious effort not to dwell on it.

I ordered that book from Amazon yesterday and expect it will arrive in the post either tomorrow or Thursday, so the plan is to seamlessly incorporate into dd's bed time reading. I'm thinking that if there is something in the grandpa accusation then the book may stimulate her to say something.

Other than that I am waiting for my next appointment with my GP (circa 10 days) to talk about the advice she got from the child protection expert she was going to contact.

My heart goes out

I am a registered childcarer and had a 'nasty experience' when i was 10. Which for various reasons did not let anyone know about only to have to relive the experience through counselling some fifteen years later.

Sorry to hijack thread but how would you feel(as a parent) to your childcarer or nursery/school to introduce this in a sensitive manner. It would be done obviously with parent's consent or would you want to do this yourself.

I have two DD myself (4 and almost 3) and have started to introduce stranger danger. I do not want to frighten them and have not gone into details etc or possible danger but i do not want them to be too trusting.

Oh Idratherbeincognito what a horrid thing to have going round in your head, i'm so sorry. I so hope it turns out to be nothing.

Beetroot, how awful for all of you, God .

And you Rickman, blimey, i just don't know what to say really, just so sorry that you had to go through that. i hope you have found peace if that's the right way to put it.

TC xx

What a horrible situation to be in!! It's hard and I don't know how forthcoming you are but I would tell him what she said, and watch his reaction.....I know this approach isn't for everybody and the conversation would be so difficult. I really hope nothing has happened but it seems to me you have handled it brilliantly so far....best wishes xx

i have just been reading this thread and it made me cry.... you poor things. my mother was mentally ill and i think some stuff happened when i was a child but it's all blanked out and nobody knows.... Idrather... i am concerned by your immediate reaction. hopefully nothing has happened and grandpa just checked because it hurts which is fine. but your own reaction means to me that your instincts make you worried, panic that something may have happened... why?... maybe you should speak to someone about yourself? terrible situation to be in. i know that in my case i don't want to relive the past because i am scared about what i may found but if anyone dared to touch one hair of my child then i would seriously consider it... thinking of you. keep us posted.

Idratherbeincognito : What a nightmare for you! I think would have followed up the conversation with "Silly Grandpa, how did he make it hurt?" - maybe he sat her on his lap and it hurt because she's sore?

Personally I would just be more wary and not allow them to be alone together if you can help it. But I know nothing about this sort of situation.

Last week my dd (2.7) did say to me "Mummy you are naughty sometimes when you throw things at me" and I was HORRIFIED! But just corrected her! I do think they say a lot they don't think through at that age.

Have you had the followup doctors appointment yet?