Comparing my toddler's progress to others.

[Caarla]

Does anyone have suggestions with how to keep a check on the "comparison game"? My 15 month old (who has never crawled, and was a late bum-shuffler)is cruising, but not walking. She is extremely clingy, especially in the company of other babies. Her similar aged peers are steaming ahead, confidently walking and talking, and I'm getting more miserable everytime we see them, as it feels as though we're getting left behind! My rational self is aware that they all develop differently and at different rates, but if anyone has any tricks they can share to help me take my mind off this silly game I'd be grateful!

Sorry, I managed to post this twice. Am new to this.

Hi Caarla, my DS2 was exactly the same, he didn't walk until he was 16mths, my DS1 was 11mths when he walked. I know which one I preferred!
DS2 talked a lot earlier, DS1 barely said anything before he was 2.
They are both bright and cheerful now at almost 5 and almost 3.
They are all different, please don't worry.
It isn't a competition (despite how some Mothers behave ) and your DD will "find her feet" soon enough (and you'll be hankering after her sedentary phase!).

You will forget this worry as soon as he walks. Once they learn to do it they become equals - no one walks 'better' than anyone else once mastered. Clingy is normal for this age - so is confident and independent - toddlers are likely to swap in and out of these phases several times depending on their mood/home circumstances/awkward cussedness! As for talking - it is very, very early days yet and those who are ahead now will not necesarilt be the best in 3 months. DS1 (2.5) had first words very early but then his peers took over for a few months and now he seems ahead again. Development doesn't always follow a neat line.

Try not to worry

Welcome to my world. I am constantly comparing my 21mo to others, usually others with siblings, who tend to be more confident and copying their brothers or sisters.

I have tried (somewhat unsuccessfully) to stop thinking like this. It all levels out in the end. I have a friend with a ds 4 days younger than my dd, and we have constantly compared notes. I worried when he rolled before she did, she worried when my dd talked before her ds did.

It's just part of the early years I think. Don't stress, and post on here. For every one person that says their dc walked at 9mo, there is someone who says theirs walked at 18mo.

I also know some of DS1's peers "swapped" personalities. One little girl was really clingy and shy, another was very outgoing, confident and chatty. When they were 3 they completely changed and seemed to swap over characters, iykwim.
DS1 was very bold and outgoing, now he can be shy in certain situations.

Caarla, my dd dwas a late bum shuffler and didn't walk till 16/17months. Once they're off there's no stopping them though.

I was told that bum shifflers are often late walkers. They can move around with their hands free so can get at things they want without the hassle of having to walk! Crwlers get up faster because they want to be able to get at things with their hands!

I was also a late bum shuffler/walker - and I am a fully functioning walker now !

Dd still goes through clingy phases now and she's 19mo. If we're somewhere with other toddlers I just let her cling until she feels secure enough to go running around with the rest of them.

Don't worry!

(and just think how stressful it would be to have a walking 9mo!)

If you can, spend time with people who don't have kids of similar age, or people who have loads of kids (once people are onto their 4th or 5th they tend to be more chilled and not into comparisons). And I agree with TPL - Ds was later walking than some of his friends - but within a couple of months of him starting walking you could not tell there was any difference at all.

Oh dear the competitive nature of parenting. It drove me so crazy that I moved areas when DD was wee as I got to the stage that I wanted to bang my head off a wall. All you need to keep thinking is that as long as they are walking/ talking/ sleeping/ toilet trained/ have a full set of teeth by the time they go to school then their progress is fine.

Enough is never enough when you have your first LO: my DD walked at 8 1/2 mths and I was so smug until I started to worry about her speech compared to her peers. Nonsence. DD is now nearly 5 and one of the most articulate and bright children I know. She is also a beautiful, charming, naughty, bossy, vain and irrepressable child! They are ALL different, they will be as adults so why shouldn't they be as babies!

Enjoy this not walking bit as they grow in sense everyday (and have absolutely none at 8 1/2 months and are therefore very dangerous! DD has the scars to prove it!), so be smug about the fact that your wee one is less dangerous than some of the others! (Oh and 15mths is not 'late' to walk so don't worry!)

My cousin couldn't even sit up at 15 months, they really thought smthg was very wrong. Then one day he just got up and walked Lazurus style.
It is natural to compare though. It always surprises me, one month I am worried my DD can't clap, then the next month she is doing somethings the other ones can't do. Like trigonometry.

Thank you everyone, I am smiling again - sense of humour restored! You are of course all absolutely right. Like I said, rationally I realise that babies and toddlers are meant to be different and therefore develop differently. The difficulty for me is in practice, listening to other (understandbly) proud mums telling me how well/developed/advanced their little one is while mine howls on my lap at a gathering. I am always genuinely delighted for them, but tend to come home feeling a little wishful and overwhelmed by the progress of the others. Learning to go with the flow is harder than I thought! Thank you so much for your comments. It's my first go on Mumsnet and I'm quite taken aback with the level of support from my little post!

There's always something. Dd is quite precocious in some ways but every time I see another dc take themselves to the toilet I could weep with frustration (insert long and anguished potty-training saga...).