The haves and the have nots......

[fatnfedup]

And I don't mean money.

I've came to the conclusion the world of having small childern isn't split between the SAHM or the WORKING mum.
Oh no.
It's split between those who have non-elderly parents/ sisters/brothers nearby who can take the kids off your hands even for a few hours to give the exhausted and worn out parents a break...and those who don't and never have time together during the day or weekend as a couple, who have to go out separately and who have never sat and read a Sunday paper in 7 years.

I've got a neighbour who claims children are a breeze, always has her hair done and make-up too, wears loads of trendy clothes and looks at me with a look of amazement when I seem to be having a hard day (most of the time...). And I look at her as she is driving away from her parents with only her and her dh in the car, away for another childfree weekend/Sunday lunch/dinner together without a care.

It's not fair. I love my dh but we never have any time together as I can't afford a childminder or babysitter. So we're just going through the motions now instead of being as close as we once were. Don't get me wrong, I adore my kids but I want time with my dh and we never get it

fatnfedup - im in the same position. Dh's parents live abroad but to be honest when they are over here they never have the kids - they barely speak to them. My parents are both dead. I have 2 sisters who dont babysit and dh has none. We never go out as a couple so tend to go out to lunch when dh is home during the day. We never go out for our wedding anniversary, birthdays, valentines day, etc. and there's always one of our two children at home (usually ds). It gets very wearing knowing that regardless of how you feel there is no-one who will take the children and ease the burden. All of my friends rely on their own parents to babysit so consequently they are not in need of forming a babysitting circle and we cant afford babysitters either although wouldnt leave my kids with sometime I and they didnt know. Its no good teaching them not to talk to strangers then inviting one into the house to look after them IMO

jampots, I sympathize with you.
I guess I'm just having a moan. It was seeing my neighbour dumping, sorry dropping off her kids with her mother again at the weekend and my dh was in town himself having a bit of peace and I'd have loved to have been able to join him for a wander together and lunch but of course couldn't.
I feel I can always tell the mums who have regular family help with the kids, they are more relaxed and have time to get their hair done/ lunch with dh or friends etc and the mums who always look worn out and a bit stressed are the ones with no outside help and the kids 24/7.

My mum has the kids as already explained, in fact she comes in every day to help out with bath and bed and ds1 after school. But I haven't had lunch with my husband since before II was pregnant with ds3 (now 3 months), and I can't remember us ever having lunch together before - since having kids.

I get my haircut at night when the kids are in bed.

It's very easy to assume that everyone has it better than you- I oiften find myself thining "they have normal kids what the hell have they got to moan about, they don't kinow what it is like" blah blah blah, but it is not a healthy way to be. It is not a happy way to be. And everyone has their own problems.

Haven't read all the replies but I'm in the have-not category and was often completely on my own when dh was working away for two weeks at a time. But I never felt bitter at anyone else being one of the haves - that's life, isn't it?

And I agree that some people cope better than others but I don't think it's necessarily anything to do with extra help. I have a friend with five children under 12 (and a dog!) and she is a wonderwoman yet her family are all 5,000 miles away in the US. She's just very organised and energetic, something I don't have in my nature, sadly!

amen jimjams!