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Original poster

Can a child be too affectionate (pre-school age group)

30 replies

averyboringname · 09/02/2009 19:43

Ds has turned into a very affectionate little chap which I think is wonderful. He's 3.7.
He tells me he loves me about 6 or maybe 10 times a day and says lots of lovely things like I look pretty etc.

He wasn't an especially affectionate baby. Dh who is not terribly demonstrative says ds is just doing it as he knows it gets positive reinforcement from me and that it is a bit much. I think dh just isn't used to people showing affection!

I say that ds will grow out of it a bit anyway and won't be telling me he loves me so much forever I want to enjoy this lovely phase while I can as before I know it he will be at school and he will be a stroppy schoolboy/ teenager after that!

any views?

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BonsoirAnna · 09/02/2009 19:46

My DD (4.3) is the same - very affectionate, both physically and verbally. Like your DS, she wasn't an especially cuddly baby.

The other day she rushed out of school and shouted over the terrace wall in front of at least 100 waiting mothers and nannies "Mummy I love you."

I think it is lovely. It won't last. Enjoy it while it does .

kiltycoldbum · 09/02/2009 19:47

enjoy it, like you said it wont be long before he's leaving dirty clothes everywhere and grunting at you, you'll cherish the memory.
my dd is also 3.7! and is the same, she sits on my knee for a cuddle and tells me she loves me lots during the day and twiddles my hair etc, but then she is also a total nightmare a lot too, she's already having teenage tantrums it feels like sometimes! so i cling onto those "i love you mummy" moments while i can!

nickytwotimes · 09/02/2009 19:47

I'd just enjoy it too.
My ds is 2.5 and is heading this way too, despite having not been a veyr cuddly baby.
It'll wear off when they start school, so make the most of it.

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Othersideofthechannel · 09/02/2009 19:48

Enjoy it.

I must admit that I find DD too affectionate at meal times and have had to impose a '1 cuddle 1 kiss and no more until the end of the meal' rule. But that's because I enjoy my food more when it is still hot.

The rest of time I love how she is so spontaneous and all the compliments I get.

Original poster

averyboringname · 09/02/2009 19:49

Exactly it - I want to enjoy it while I can but dh's comments made me wonder. Think he's just as he's never on the receiving end of it from ds!

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pavlovthecat · 09/02/2009 19:50

How gorgeous! I bet you want to just eat him up!

My best friend has a 6 year old boy, and he still says he loves her, or that she looks beautiful. He refuses hugs from anyone other than parents now, gets embarrassed, but with his mummy, it has not stopped!

ilikeyoursleeves · 09/02/2009 19:50

Aw I think affectionate toddlers sound soooo sweet, I hope my DS is like that! He is 15 months and loves to lean over to give me a kiss so I'm really looking forward to when he tells me he loves me. So I say enjoy it!

BonsoirAnna · 09/02/2009 19:52

Sometimes I drop by the park at lunchtime where the dinner ladies take the children to play during their lunch hour, just to get a lovely cuddle and kiss from my DD .

Harra · 09/02/2009 19:58

How lovely. My ds is similiar, though he has taken up to waking up at 3am, calling me into his room to tell me he loves me - very sweet but I'd prefer a full nights sleep!
Enjoy it.

Original poster

averyboringname · 09/02/2009 20:08

Good, it seems I can tell dh that lots of children this age are like this and it's not due to me being overly soppy with ds!

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terramum · 09/02/2009 20:10

Sounds normal, and lovely to me too.

DS (4.5) is very affectionate. Tells me constantly that he loves me and insists that I am married to him and not DH . He's spent all day kissing my bad back better whenever I paused to rest it LOL.

MIL was remarking the other day how she missed this stage with her boys and joked "wait until he's 10 and hates you!"

harpsichordcarrier · 09/02/2009 20:10

my dd1 is like this (she is nearly six) and she was far from being an affectionate baby. she is like it with her little sister too.
I can't really imagine what the downside would be!

bodiddly · 09/02/2009 20:16

averyboringname .. my ds is the same. Sounds like your dh was probably from a family where affection wasn't shown freely or deemed to be very manly. I bet he wouldnt be the same if he were on the receiving end! My dp doesnt get a look in from ds if I am around ... he has to bribe ds to get cuddles ..

Original poster

averyboringname · 09/02/2009 20:24

Exactly bodiddly - definitely from a house where there was no affection shown.

Terramum- he does that sort of thing too and is just a total sweetie.

I love it! So it was winding me up a bit that dh had made these kind of comments a couple of times.

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bodiddly · 09/02/2009 20:37

Dcs this age always show affection to the parent of the opposite sex. Make the most of it and ignore your dh! Dp's father is a little like your dh by the sound of it - he never hugs or kisses his grown up dcs or his older grandchildren ... can't understand it!

smellen · 09/02/2009 20:40

Sounds like you have done an excellent job in making him feel loved, secure and able to reciprocate unconditionally the love you feel for him.

Enjoy his company. It won't be long before he's at school, and soon after it won't be so cool to mum she's lovely etc. (although he will still think it!)

Original poster

averyboringname · 09/02/2009 22:59

Thank you Smellen - I hope so. He is a total sweetie.

Bound to be the opposite as a teenager isn't he (he was a very tricky baby - see, I'm not smug!)

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NellieKnott · 10/02/2009 08:35

If you think your DH is a bit can't you involve him in your cuddles with DS. If he's not demonstrative you and your boy might have to leap on him and break him down with affection - give it a try

wannaBe · 10/02/2009 08:44

maybe your dh feels a bit jealous that your ds is like this with you and not him?

My six yo still tells me he loves me and I don't intend to disaude him from doing so any time soon.

Original poster

averyboringname · 10/02/2009 09:30

DH brought this up again and his problem with it is that he thinks ds just says it for effect.

I've told him to drop it and let me enjoy ds's affectionate streak while he's little.

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pavlovthecat · 10/02/2009 11:26

Of course he is doing it for effect!!! He says he loves you, and you cuddle him/smile/look happy - that is what you want!!! You do not want him to think that not saying these things make you happy. He could be doing more negative things to get your attention...instead he is using affection to get it instead...its lovely.

BonsoirAnna · 10/02/2009 11:51

I think your DH has got "issues" with overt displays of affection. Which is really sad.

Original poster

averyboringname · 10/02/2009 12:15

Yep Bonsoir - he just doesn't get what it's all about...ah well his loss and it doesn't seem to be affecting ds as they do have a good relationship just not such a huggy/ kissy/ I love you one.

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BonsoirAnna · 10/02/2009 13:24

Is your DH huggy/kissy/generally affectionate with you?

Iklboo · 10/02/2009 13:31

Our 3.3 DS is like this too. He always says he's missed us when he's been at playschool,he loves to cuddle & give kisses and will sometimes stroke my face and say 'you've got gorgeous cheeks/eyes/hair mummy'

Ireckon your Dh is jealous

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