Would you speak to this boys parents after this behaviour

[crazedupmom]

Hi
I have posted on about this already but basically on saturday my ds was playing out with four other children in our street.
Now my ds who is 8 plays generally okay with two of these children who happen to be brothers the brothers are 9 and 7.
The other two children who were playing are a boy of 10 and a girl of 9 who do mostly play together but they do occasionally muscle in on my ds and these two brothers.
My ds has played with the boy and girl before and it has escalated into problems and has ended in my view with them picking on him and ousting him.
My ds can be prone to moods when things are not going his way so I am aware that can soemtimes be a factor although I do think the boy and girl are both two nasty pieces of work.
Has I said they were all playing on saturday and I have noticed that everytime they all play there is problems.
The one brother of 9 and this boy and girl all went into the girls garden and bolted the gate so my ds and the younger brother of 7 couldn,t get in as well there was then a nasty snowball fight going on over the fence at each other three against two.
I am not gojng to say that my ds was an angel as I had to tell him off about throwing sticks over etc.
I witnessed the 10 year old spit over my fence with a look of hatred and then look over towards my window to see if I was looking.
I then noticed that the 7 year old who was on my side of the fence with my ds was crying as a snowball had hit him in the cheek.
I went out to have a look to see if he was okay and the others at that point came out of the girls garden and they all started throwing abuse at my ds I told them all calmly that none of them had been playing nicely today.
The 10 year old had some right goes at me telling me that I never tell my ds off and that the problem is my ds and me.
The girl started belting my ds with snowballs and gave him a shove and my ds then launched inot a fight with the girl and then the 10 year old who is best mates with this girl started sizing up to my ds and then they both launched into a fight he kneed my ds in the stomach and my ds bit him on the arm.
I did my best to split them up but it was out of control.
The lot of them including the younger brother of 7 turned on my ds and they then started walking up the street together and I took my ds inside who was shouting back at them.
They then all proceeded to throw snowballs at my porch even after we had gone in and closed the door and the girl came down my drive and flung my porch door open I steped out and asked her why she had done that and she gave a cocky shrug.
I have spoken to the girls parents and they have made her apologise but I am fuming about things and I especially feel I was intimidated by the 10 year old with his appaling atitiude.
I am not sure if I should be speaking to his parents baout all of this he does have abruise on his arm where my ds bit him.
I have always welcomed these children into my house gave them snacks etc even played a game of pool with them.
This boy and girl do seem to be able to play it so that evryone turns on my ds they are a couple of ringleaders and I can see they will always be a problem for him and are likely to ruin any friendships he has in the street.
I must also add that these three who were in the girls garden were also throwing snowballs at my conservatory and at my kitchen window despite the fact that my ds and the other child had gone out of my garden and were trying to get into the girls garden.
I continually asked them to stop but they wouldn,t.
I am pretty sure that on this particular day that my ds and me were been intimidated.
Has I said my ds has had problems before when he has played with this boy and girl and My ds didn,t play with them for a while but it was them who came back to my ds wanting to play again and I gave things another chance but it has ended like this.
Should I speak to this boys parents about his behaviour or could it makes things worse.

[crazedupmom]

Please if anyone can give their views as to whether I should talk to this boys parents about his attitude.

[ilove]

6 and 2 x 3

[mistlethrush]

Have you ever talked to his parents? Its a difficult one as it might backfire - they could simply back their child and not listen to your concerns.

I would suggest that you say to your child that as soon as those two children start playing, he is to come away as they always start causing problems. I would also ensure that your garden is reserved for those children that play nicely with your ds.

[HecateQueenOfGhosts]

Dunno where my post went to, but all I could come up with was getting some distance and not allowing your son to play with these kids any more.

You don't have to have them in your house or garden, and you are quite within your rights to say, no blame attached, that since the kids find it hard to get on atm, you feel it's for the best that they stay away from each other for a bit.

[crazedupmom]

I have only spoken once to his mom who seemed very nice and approachable.
I just feel so upset by it all to be honest.
The two brothers are the only two children in the street that my ds has to play with and this boy and girl have managed to turn them against him I am appalled by it all.
My dh thinks that if my ds goes off the scene it will be the younger brother that eventually gets problems.
They were a little nasty to him at one point throwing snowballs at him making him cry I told them to stop.
It just seems that this boy and girl are older more mature and they just seem to unsettle things and its always the youngest or less mature of the group that gets it.
Unfortunately most of the time it seems to be my ds.
Obviously its harder with brothers who have to go home together.

[TrulyMadBadandDeeply]

I would wait a while to see whether they come to speak to you - which they might as their son has a bruise where your son bit him. If you do speak to them, try to avoid recriminations (easier said than done, I know) and try to find some points - such as no throwing sticks, stones or snowballs at people or windows - which everyone can agree upon and enforce.

Otherwise, as Mistlethrush says, try to keep your son away from the children who regularly upset him.

[KTNoo]

I'm shocked at how the 10 year old spoke to you. Is that normal? My eldest is almost 8 and if that's how she and her friends will be in a few years then I'm really not looking forward to it. I will not tolerate her speaking to an adult like that. I think kids will fight and you are right to keep them apart if necessary, but I would speak to the mother about the boy's attitude to you. I would want to know if my kids spoke so disrespectfully.

Am I being naive about this? Is that how 10 year olds talk?

[HecateQueenOfGhosts]

"My dh thinks that if my ds goes off the scene it will be the younger brother that eventually gets problems."

With the greatest respect, you don't keep your child in the firing line to try to stop someone elses from getting it!

[nickschick]

Well I do live in a not very posh area rough,to the point that my children only hang around with select children (in the summer whilst my sons played football on the pitch several neighbours kept watch and I mean watch).

But several times Ive had to split up fights etc and no way would I be spoke to like that I cant understand how it all go so out of hand???

Didnt you go out get your kids in then tell the kids off for fighting and snowballing your house???

Ive had cause to do this and then went to the house to tell the parents to which they said.......'if you've told em off i trust you and they deserve it'.

The stance I would take is that both sets of kids are to blame they cant play nicely so they wont play at all.

[GooseyLoosey]

If you want your child to play with the brothers, then ask them around to your house - make lunch for them. Should help to cement his relationship with them whilst not having to deal with the other children.

[crazedupmom]

I can,t believe what I am experiencing now the girls mom that I spoke to has started blanking me.
I have always got on with her and I she, her dh, and myself discussed things nicely and there was no hostility shown but there you go.
They told me to come and speak to them any time if I see behaviour by their daughter that I don,t like.
So much for that its going to be really difficult now she has decided to be childish by ignoring me.
I told all the children including my own ds that none of them had played nicely and I got a load of lip off the 10 year old this was a child and I had difficulty getting my point across, I can honestly say that my ds wouldn,t stand a chance gainst him once he starts or any child for that matter he really is viscious for his age.
It was this boy and girl who came back wanting to play with my ds, my ds never bothered with them after the first time there was problems.
I think I was unwise but I thought I would let them all give it another go but if they decide to ever come back again asking to play with him then it will be a firm no.
The thing is is that when the girl just plays with my ds they are fine and the same goes if the lad plays on his own with my ds it just all seems to go horribly wrong whenever they all play and it always ends up with my ds been the one that gets ousted.
I am totally disgusted with all of their behaviour to be honest children or not.
The one brother is a lovely gentle child but he got led into their wicked ways and the younger brother is obviosuly the youngest and he is also very easily led.
The problem that I see is that there are two very powerful strong personalitys with the boy and girl and it just overrides everyone.
Its such a problem that I am still unsure on how to deal with because generally I would like my ds to start playing with the two brothers again but I don,t think the relationship can work with those other two around.