Any tips on how to get through to my dreamy DD(4)

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I find it very difficult to get my DD(4) to do anything for me and I seem to have lost the plot trying to discipline her. She is a complete dreamer and most of the time is engaged in some roleplay/fantasy world that she obviously finds it difficult to drag herself away from to do such mundane things as brush teeth, get ready to do the school run, go to bed.
She completely overreacts to time out, she has no interest in rewards/pretend races, timers etc but I have two other children to consider and sometimes she needs to engage with reality!
Does anyone else have a dreamer to deal with?

Have you read How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk? I can highly recommend it.

yes I have that book and agree it's great and certainly works with my DS(5) but the techniques seem to have no impact on my dreamy DD but perhaps i'll have a look at it again

I have a dd like this. She's 8 now, still dreamy, but she was dreadful at 4. Her two younger sisters will get ready and dd1 will always be dithering around, not ready, making us all late for school. Day after day. She loses all her belongings too.

Yelling at her a lot can work. Apart from that, she's got better gradually, at 8 she's better than at 4, if you can just be patient.

I also remember that my dreamy one is very charming in many ways, she's sweet, unstressful, gentle. Really easy to live with, apart from the problems with getting ready. Unlike my dd2 who is efficient, driven, competitive and much more stressful all round. There are advantanges to dreamy children as well as drawbacks.

I have revisited the How to talk book and used one of the techniques today, the fantasy one, which actually suits her dreamy personality
I agree that I should appreciate her dreamy side as well, and it is charming because it makes her a bit of a character but at the moment I find it very stressful getting her ready to do things

I have one of these. Drives me absolutely barmy (but love her to bits!). She is going on 8, and I would say has not changed in this inherent personality trait. Getting her to do practical things (getting dressed, getting undressed, tidying etc., generally staying focused on one thing) is difficult. We find counting down is quite helpful, as is giving her choices (eg 'you can put the drinks on the table or lay the silverware, which are you going to do right now?'), other than that, patience! Oh yeah, sometimes (when I am not feeling too frustrated) I play along with her fantasy (eg. 'fairies need to clean their teeth otherwise they won't fly properly - would you like to fly with me into the bathroom to get your special thistle brush?'- slightly nauseating, but does work, and can be fun.

Thank you fennel, I needed reminding tonight how lovely my dreamer is.

I have one and I was/am one. I am trying to externalise the fantasy with dd in the hope that she will not disappear inside her head the way I did. So like jenn - I try to play the fantasy game to motivate her. But also, I admit, quite often I just get her dressed etc or we would never get anywhere.

I found some helpful advice in Christopher Green's "Beyond Toddlerdom". He says it's important to differentiate between children who are ignoring you to deliberately wind you up, and those who just have a dreamy personality. He advises the "broken record" technique of repeating the request and also allowing extra time for everything.

It helped me to realise my spaced out 5 year old ds is not being deliberately difficult (well, not all the time!) and that's just the way he is. He is far more creative than my dd, but she is always ready for everything 10 mins early!

What I find interesting is that he seems to have no memory of things I want him to remember (school things, where we're going etc) but if something's important to him it sticks in his memory very well. We were at a friend's house the other day, people we hadn't seen for ages, and ds reminded the mother that last time we were there she told him he could have chocolate. I think she had only said it to fob him off but he didn't forget! She went and found some anyway.

Your dreamy kids sound lovely - enjoy them

I try to use the imagination but when I am too tired or rushed for that I clap my hands like a school teacher and that gets DS's attention.

Thinking some more about strategies we use with our dreamy one:

I don't usually have the time or patience to do anything very labour-intensive, and dd1 has been the oldest of 3 since she was little so I'm not prepared, and never have been, to spend a lot of time helping her get ready. But approaches that do work, after a fashion:

I make her look me in the eyes and respond to a question or instruction. Engage eye contact and insist on a response. That makes sure she has at least heard me.

We remind her that she hates being shouted at, she's a sensitive soul. And we remind her that IF she doesn't get ready on time then we WILL be shouting at her at the last minute. And that she can stop the shouting, by getting ready. (I bet that one isn't in the How to talk... book).

When she is persistently slow in the mornings, we start having an earlier bedtime, it does help, she's much worse when she's tired.

Sometimes I am practically incandescent with rage at her non-performance and I shout and scream in a frenzy, but let's not go into that here, it's not a recommended approach...

I also remind my ds in the mornings that I will end up getting annoyed if he's not ready on time, but we seem to repeat the same cycle every day anyway! By the time me, dd1 and dd2 are at the door with coats, bags etc, he's sitting staring into space in his underwear with a sock in his hand....again....

I think getting ready for school is the last thing on his mind. He's probably thinking about something much more interesting, like making a mouse trap, which was the first thing he did when he came in from school today.

Oh I'm so pleased to read this thread. My dd1 is 4 too, and I have exactly the same problem. I've been feeling really bad about the fact that I often end up yelling at her, which doesn't really speed her up but makes her look tense and miserable.

I can cope when I just have to deal with her, as then I physically shift her myself, but sometimes I'm physically tied up with the baby, and then I need her to sort herself out. That's when I end up screaming.