I must be a lousy mother...

[frazzledgirl]

...if I wasn't, DS wouldn't have started a screaming tantrum the minute my DH went out half an hour ago. He's stopped now, but only because ITNG's on.

He wouldn't eat his tea. He screams when DH leaves the room but not when I do.

I was pleased he'd adapted so well to nursery when I went back to work (he was 8 months, now 18) but now I'm worrying that we've missed some sort of bonding thing because he doesn't want me if his dad's within a mile. I work full time but three days from home and have afternoons off those days, but most of my mummy friends are either SAHMs or want to be, and I feel guilty because I don't want to be with him all the time.

I find him so hard to cope with when he's screaming. I know I need to be the adult, but I find myself hissing or shouting or - gods forgive me - wishing I WAS a smacking mummy because he's being so obnoxious.

I'm not cut out for this.

Does dh work full time. If so he could be more of a novelty.

As soon as my dh gets home at night, i am completely abandoned and they are all over dh.

Don'tlook's right, dh is an attraction because he's not around as much and toddlers love novelty. Sadly have forgotten any handy tips for diverting screaming toddlers long ago but I hope someone will be along with some soon.

Actually novelty is the key to many of mine, I seem to recall - surprise the little buggers by doing something unexpected. Meow like a cat, burst into song, doesn't matter how ridiculous it is as long as it distracts them!

DH works four days and takes DS one day while I work. Realised recently that at no point do DS and I spend a whole day together.

I feel absolutely compelled to repeat the MN mantra "this too shall pass". If you weren't feeling guilty about this you would be feeling guilty about something else. He's 18 months old, it is a dreadful age, both for ds and for you.

Smacking honestly wouldn't help, so don't beat yourself up about that. Very true about the novelty factor of the parent who is out more, I get that the other way, i.e. dh gets abandoned as soon as I get home. I think it really gets him down too.

There is absolutely nothing wrong in not wanting to be with him all the time. And you are not a lousy mother. All toddlers have to be placated with ITNG at some point or another. Distraction and placation are about to become key weapons in your arsenal, it won't work all the time but sometimes it will.

Ds (now 3) used to have a marvellous habit of running round the house screaming until he bizarrely fell asleep mid-tantrum. DH, who suffered it far more than I did, still has post-traumatic stress syndrome as a result.

You thought childbirth was bad. The toddler years are GODAWFUL. I say this to show solidarity; it is nothing to do with you, it is about a survival course in human nature. You will get through it, we all do, it honestly, honestly, honestly isn't about him being in nursery. He's learnt that there is a world that he can't control and now he has to test every single boundary to learn whether he can or not.

"It's just a phase" (another MN mantra). It really, really is. Keep posting, you are not alone!

It's not particularly uncommon for them to go through phases of very strong preference for one parent. I remember times like this with DS, but he did grow out of it.

You are not a lousy mum my two year old does this when dp goes out she wants to be with him when I go out she cries for me .

Also if you were a crap Mum you would hardly be posting on here stressing out about it so much you are obviously a good mum to worry so much ,we all have crappy times I shouted at my dd after three days of her been whiny and clingy this week even though I knew it was because she was ill my stress levels just went through the roof .

Thank you all, really appreciate the encouragement.

I know, in theory, that this will pass. But right now it feels like it won't. And I'm so ashamed that I get pissed off with DS for being what he is, i.e. a toddler. I didn't want to kiss him goodnight - what kind of mummy does that?

We were talking about a second one but it's a bloody joke, isn't it? I haven't got the patience to deal properly with the one I've got. I have a horrible feeling that my aptitude for motherhood isn't demonstrated by how much I want to be good at it. It's more like my driving, where I desperately wanted to pass but genuinely was rubbish and needed umpteen tests...

I had a horrible time with DS preferring DH at around the same age. It seemed to go on forever, but we're straightened out now. In fact, at 5yo he's telling DH he likes him but not as much as he loves mummy

meant to say - Which of course I also realise is a phase