Unusual (I think?) bullying situation ... what do I say to DS1?

[NotQuiteCockney]

DS1 is 7. I've started taking him to a local adventure playground. It's great fun, really free play.

Unfortunately, some of the other children are pretty feral. Rude language, bullying. It's all a bit Lord of the Flies.

The more-regular-attending group has taken a dislike to DS1. DS1 likes going there, but is not enjoying this part. He was originally making efforts to be accepted by the group, but this week it went quite wrong.

The staff try to reduce the bullying, but they point out that the children don't know the line between bullying and play. I don't think they can ban children, or punish them, it really isn't that sort of place.

I don't know what to say to DS1. We will try to go to a different playground next weekend. I can hear he's angry, I can offer for us to go. Me getting involved doesn't (I think) help. He might get along ok with these boys if he was conciliatory, maybe .... oh, I don't know.

He got into a big 'sword fight' with a lot of them today, with sticks. A member of staff was watching closely, it was fine, I think DS1 feels better for this, but, he was really angry.

Advice? Insight? Perspectives? Thanks ...

I think 7 is quite old enough to know the line between bullying and play. I don't understand how this place works, but I think the staff should have some sort of team-building thing to get them all onside. Otherwise, I would take him elsewhere.

Go at a different time? These kids can't be there always, surely?

Or yes, find somewhere else. It's not worth it.

Hmmm ... interesting idea. Yes, they might be able to do that ...

The other boys are all older than 7, I should have said. DS1 is freakishly tall, so he's the same size as them, but I'd bet they're all at least 8 and more likely 9 or 10.

I think we will take them elsewhere next week, just for the variety. The staff were clearly bothered that the group dynamic had gone so wrong, it was my DS1, the two spare 10-year-olds I had, and then 8 other boys on the other side.

The kids are (as far as I can tell) always there. Well, we can only make it there on a Saturday, it's not open all the time (it has staff, staff cost money), and Saturday afternoons are the days I can make it.

We will try another place, I'm just thinking about how to discuss this all with DS1.

I have experienced a similar situation, where regulars at a playground (in this case at a pub) were very clear with my 8 year old son that because they were regulars (and family friends of the manager) they were entitled to exclude him from part of the play area. He persisted, and one of them (older than ds so 10ish) promptly bit him. The boy's mother clearly felt that friendship with the manager excused her children from behaving themselves and her from any obligation to supervise them.

We have not been, and will not be, back. We are not local to the pub (although my parents are), so this is no great hardship. In your case it is more difficult, but give the behaviour you describe I think I might find somewhere else to take your son - or recruit some supportive allies for the next few visits.

Ah, see, the parents are a tricky issue. Parents are discouraged from staying at this adventure playground. I stay, but then DS2 is only 4. And I think you're meant to stay if your kids are under 8? I'm not sure, haven't investigated it because I'm not about to leave DS1 there. (I suspect that many of these kids are just left to their own devices, anyway, although I have no grounds for this belief.)

These 10-year-olds were pretty supportive allies, about as good as I can muster up locally. DS1's school isn't local.

I don't think they're excluding DS1 from anything, the staff wouldn't let them - they're just challenging him and being rude to him, iyswim.