I've had a terrible day with DS

[UpsetAndFedup]

I've name changed for this as I'm really ashamed of how I reacted to DS behaviour today. He's 2 and is very lively/active and extremely independent. He has a very sweet and affectionate nature at times but his behaviour is getting more challenging by the day.
I've recently had to stop going to a toddler music and movement class because his tantrums are beyond manageable and he refuses to join in/take instruction. He is tall for his age and very strong and physically pushes/fights you off if try to lead him anywhere/have him sit with you. He has hated nappy changes since he was about 10 months old and every nappy change remains a fight/battle. I try where possible to take him long walks/places where he can run around freely but obviously there are times when he has to be in a buggy or holding hands etc but this has become a terrible problem.
Anyway today we had to go out to some shops and on the way back I made the mistake of taking him out of his buggy and letting him walk beside me. He ran off with me chasing him and proceeded to have the most horrendous screaming fit as I tried to get him out the way of the road. This ended with me having to physically drag him to the car and driving home shouting and screaming at him while crying my eyes out. Tonight I could barely look at him and am so ashamed to admit that at the moment I really feel that I don't particularly like him.
Anyway I feel extremely stressed as I love him to bits but feel like the worlds worst mum.
I've tried all the usual things, backpack with wrist strap, snacks and toys to divert attention, ignoring his behaviour and nothing works.
Please help. Any advice from those who have been through this would be great.

ah, you shouldn't feel ashamed upsetandfedup - I'm sure everyone with a toddler knows exactly how you feel

ds is 22 months, also very tall and freakishly strong - I'm lucky if I manage to get to the end of a nappy change without breaking into a sweat and cursing inwardly!

Some days just seem to involve trailing ds around the house clearing up one endless mess after another and removing him from ledges/chairs etc he is about to dive off - it's completely normal to feel overwrought, overwhelmed and overtired at times. And I'm sure it's not that you dislike him, you're just fed up of a day's struggle

wish i had some positive advice - could do with tips myself!

Thanks very much for your posts. It's good to know that I'm not the only one. I just sometimes feel that everyone else's DC are much easier to manage then I start to think that maybe it's down to the way I'm doing things. I think though that he's probably just got a strong personality and wants to do things his way.

I've tried changing him standing up LeninGrad but he just runs off and I get more frustrated. I'll maybe give it a try again though as anything's better than pinning him down on the mat.

Anyway tomorrow's another day so hopefully I'll be less stressed out in the morning. Got a night out with DH tomorrow night so hopefully a few drinks and nice meal will help the de-stress process!
Thanks again for your advice.

We seem to be getting a lot of these posts at the moment and their basic tenor is the same: 2-year-old has tantrums-mother feels she has failed. Not so. This is perfectly normal behaviour, some toddlers seem to actually need to have tantrums as part of their development. It is perfectly fine to manhandle a 2-year-old, keep him on reins, ignore his scream, put him in the buggy. But it does help an awful lot if you don't show him that it distresses you. Think headteacher. Practise in front of the mirror. Just tell yourself that dragging him kicking and screaming is par for the course and does not imply anything wrong whatsoever with either him or you.

Dd used to be queen of the tantrums. I would carry on taking her to playgroup, just be prepared to haul her out as and when needed. She has grown up into a perfectly sensible reasonable person. Looking back I don't think there was anything seriously wrong with either her or me; she just needed to go through that stage.

I've only just joined up to mumsnet so don't know if you keep replying way after the first posting but have been amazed at reading about so many situations I've had. I do remember feeling like you Upset, after a similar experience. I felt like the worst mother and I know it sounds American and a bit cheesy I apologised to DS1, and told him how his behaviour had made me feel. Don't know if he vaguely understood but it felt a bit like a healing process between us. I still apologise to DS1 and 2 if I think I've overeacted but do get them to see how their behaviour is involved and DS1 usually apologises back now. (no such luck with DS2 though!