What's the best approach with an attention-seeking 7 year old who loves 100% structure?

[KTNoo]

My dd age 7 has always been very attention-seeking. It has improved slightly as she has got older, partly I think because she can do more things to keep herself busy like reading and organised sport etc. But still if we are just home doing nothing in particular she is in my face constantly, looking for entertainment. Basically she wants me to tell her what to do and can't seem to think for herself. She gets on fine at school (apart from inflexibility problems!) and does lots of hobbies after school, basically to keep her busy and stop her getting bored which she does really really quickly.

She has a younger brother and sister who can entertain themselves well and I encourage her to play with them but she doesn't seem to enjoy playing freely at all. The easy option is just to keep her really organised and busy with tasks and activities (she will even clean for me!) but I feel it's good for children to have to be bored sometimes and use their imagination. The problem is that when we do this it's painful for everyone. Example from today - dh is trying to read and dd is "hanging" next to him. She then sticks her head in front of the book and asks if she can have a look at it. It makes it sound like she's being ignored but she honestly gets plently of attention. Also when we go to other people''s houses she will often leave the other kids and just come and stand next to me waiting to be told what to do.

Do you think I should just accept this is the way she is and keep her busy, or should I persist in "forcing" her to get on with it herself?

Maybe you could create a list of activities e.g. draw a picture, make a card, build something out of lego, sweep the floor etc, which she can refer to. Then, set a time every day when she has to go off and choose something from the list to do. You could build up the time slowly. Start with something very short, like 5 minutes, and build it up, so that gets used to it. It might help to make the 'free play' at the same time every day, if she likes structure .

I am no expert in this, so this was just an idea that popped into my head. I'm sure other people with more experience will be along soon.

My DD (now 9) always wanted to know what we were going to do every minute of the day. I found that if I gave her a plan, which included free time, she was better able to relax during the 'break'. However, this is not always possible and she used to get really stressed if I couldn't tell her what we would be doing for the rest of the day. She still likes order in her life, but is much better able to manage herself now. She is an only child, so she couldn't annoy her siblings. Have a list of 5 min jobs in your head, or written down (as suggested by ihearthuckabees), to fend her off in your busy times.

I think that is a great idea! Then you are providing structure, but encouraging independence.

Sounds a bit like my ds. I've signed him up to a drama club at school in the hope that he'll focus his need for attention in the right way. I live in hope.

I think the list would work well - she would love that!

So everyone seems to think I should accept she needs structure and not leave her to it?

I thought current thinking was that it's not good for kids to be organised all the time and they need to learn how to amuse themselves without parents/teachers?

All kids need structure. It lets them know what they are supposto do and makes them feel secure. Maybe not too much though, slot 30 mins a day for free play in there somewhere.

I suppose my reasoning is that during the week she's busy with school and hobbies so i thought at the weekend she needed to chill out a bit. But chilling for her seems to equate to following me around asking to "help".

She's probably not able to chill out if she's use to being busy. I'm guessing without reading your thread that she goes nuts at the weekend and you are loosing the will to live as a consequence?

Try giving her 'jobs'(ones you don't mind doing again when she's in bed). Cleaning the windows is fun for kids. It makes them feel useful and keeps them quiet. A little bit of vinegar and lots of water in a squirty bottle tis none toxic.

She is pretty busy during the week but not abnormally so. She has school, dancing, hockey and maybe a playdate. No she can't chill out, but that's not because she's too busy during the week, it's just her personality. ds is also busy during the week but he loves the weekend time to potter about and so his own thing.

I can (quite) easily keep her busy with jobs etc if I have to, but what i would really like opinions on is whether deliberately not giving her things to do all the time will be better for her in the long-term, i.e. could she learn to chill and entertain herself. Or is this too much to hope for?