How do I make Flamechick a happy little bird?

[Flamesparrow]

She is so unhappy lately This little ball of rage, tiredness and whinging.

Her TA says that the work this half term is too hard for them all. DD told me last night that girl T won't let her play with them, and that boy T wants her to play, but only Power Rangers and she doesn't want to.

She is making up illnesses trying to stay off school.

She doesn't seem to be getting any further with her reading when I know that she is capable - at home she just clams up and cries and refuses to do it most of the time.

She just looks so worried all the time.

I don't know what to do with her. I am trying to stay calm, lots of nice peaceful activities, but she is just getting more of a state.

She has zero self confidence by the sounds of it (she didn't tell her teacher about tobogganing because she didn't want her to laugh - her teacher is lovely and would never laugh at her).

I have a broken 5 yr old.

Poor you and poor flamechick. How long is it to half-term where you are? It sounds as if little flamechick needs a rest and a break from things, and maybe she'd be happier if she knew that there was a break coming up.

I would suggest going in and having a chat with her teacher about the difficulty of the work and whether flamechick is coping with it, and about the friends issue - I'd hope that the teacher would do a 'Circle Time' talk about friendship and kindness, and how we treat eachother in school, in the playground and out of school - that could tackle the issue without flamechick feeling singled out, if you know what I mean.

About the reading, I honestly wouldn't push her on it at the moment - go back to reading stories to her so that she can see again that reading is fun, not just something to be worried about. A break from 'doing' her reading won't harm her or her chances of getting into Oxford (just meant to give you a little smile - I used to worry when mine were that age that anything I did/didn't do would cause such irreperable harm that they'd end up illiterate and penniless and it would all be my fault).

I hope that things get better for both of you, and I'm offering you a most un-mumsnetty hug, if you'd like one.

Thank you - hugs much needed.

She used to be a child who would sob her heart out at the idea of missing school, and now she is begging to. Even DH has noticed, and he doesn't notice things.

Half term starts next Friday thankfully, and has an extra day each end (so 4 day week next week, then a week and a day off).

We have parent's evening next week, but I'm thinking I should talk to her teacher now so that she can keep an eye out and update on Weds.

The friends thing - DD has aspergers tendencies, and can be hard work. She doesn't always get that people don't think the same as her and want to do whatever it is she wants to do. She takes that to mean that they don't like her. This girl could well be leaving her out, but at the same time she may just be playing something different and not doing what DD has decided

The reading thing breaks my heart because she used to love learning to read, and now she says she doesn't want to learn

Trying to do bedtime stories one on one she gets time with me without DS

This breaks my heart, not least because I have just started a very similar thread about my dd. Perhaps we should get them together?

I think the Circle Time idea is a great one - am going to try and talk to her teacher next week about that.

Is it possible for you to make some time this weekend to spend just with her? Take her out for a hot chocolate, and to a bookshop or the library so she can choose a book that's just for fun?

Hugs from me too. I know I'll probably get drummed off MN for it, but I feel your pain on this one.

Flame - the really important thing is that you're there for her and trying to help.

We've had 'powerrangers' playing banned (after one boy kicked another on the nose) - I think it is rather too fighting orientated to be a good thing to play in school really - particularly at that age.

Its heartbreaking when they come home and you ask who they've played with and they say 'no one' and that best friend was playing with a new friend etc.

I think that it would be really good to speak to the teacher now. She also might be able to suggest another child that your dd might be able to play with when girl T is playing with someone else - if you can suggest some things she might like to play, this might be a good way of encouraging new and additional friendships which will help her.

My DD was just like this (power rangers banned at school too) esp with the reading, if it is any consolation she is now 9 and I often catch her reading and getting dressed at the same time!

I just let her chose books and carried on reading to her. When she started to get it she just took off, but she was def not one of the early readers in reception - now has a 'reading age' of over 12 yrs.

TBH, she still struggles a little with the friendships side - she is not at all 'streetwise' and struggles to speak up for herself, still has groups of girls that will exclude her from playing sometimes and no 'best' friend. She says she is ok as she gets to play with lots of different people and that is more fun, I, however, long for her to have a good buddy just like I did at her age.

Good luck with the parents evening.

I'm going through this with my Ds (5) too at the moment.

He was ill with Flu for 2 weeks just before Xmas , and wasn't in school, but we've had a terrible time getting him to go in since.

It's so sad because he loved school (reception) before he was ill, and so looked forward to going.

Since January we've had screaming and crying, sometimes even on Sunday, at the thought of going to school.

In desperation, I spoke to his teacher and for a week let him go in 10 minutes earlier, so he could 'help' get the classroom set up. This does seem to have worked , and now for the past couple of weeks he's been going in as normal with the other children, without tears.

I still get the "so and so was mean to me or they didn't want to play ", when he comes out of school, but when I spoke to his teacher she did say he mixes well with the children, and they all play together.

Speaking to the teacher actually put my mind at rest, as I was imagining him all alone, with no one playing with him.

He comes across as a typical boisterous boy, but is in fact quite sensitive, and in a class with quite a few boisterous boys I think he feels a little swamped.

I think at 5 they are generally building confidence and 'growing up lots' and it can sometimes feel a little overwhelming.

Oh and forgot to say we also are having the constant whining and quite a few 'rages' here too.

Lets hope they settle down soon

It's so hard seeing them in so much turmoil and upset.

yr1 is so hard on them tho flame. it has been for each of mine................even for my confident DD1!

tis the year when they have more pressure, friendships suddenly become all important and the obvious difference between girls and boys are apparent to them, and also (IME), the year that the class mean-girls are bred!

and the pressure on them from the teachers is exhausting...........they are expected to work, and it is proper work now, not work-disguised-as-play IYGWIM.

add into that flamechicks little peculiarities, makes for a hard combination. it has been very similar with regards to DD3..................not quite so bad as she tends to have one friend who also just has her as their one friend, but regards the work etc.

in fact, twas in yr1 that the school tried to convince me that DD3 was dyslexic or learning disabled as she 'couldn;t understand anything that they were trying to teach her'. In fact, was that she was refusing until she could do it perfectly and then not risk them laughing at her!!!

and she is still the same now..............one small mistake in her work and it goes into the bin, and school gets cross as they think she has done nothing, rather than realise that she actually panics at the thought of them sneering at her (normally seen only by her) mistakes.

It makes me feel better to know others are going through the same thing (well, I wouldn't wish this on anyone but ykwim).

The power rangers thing doesn't help where I banned it from day one on basis of bad acting (rather than the violence ), and now DH is saying to relax and let her watch it so she can join in, but she has seen it, and if I start it at home DS will watch and he will turn into kicking child from hell.

I planned to talk to her teacher today, but we got snowed off at lunchtime so will have to be Monday now

Hopefully flamechick will enjoy a weekend of playing in the snow and drinking hot chocolate to warm up afterwards, and that might cheer her up a bit.

I'm sending her a hug too - poor little chick, and I hope that her teacher is helpful on Monday.

xx

Been thinking about this a while. Mine (8, 6) sound a bit similar at the moment, and my strategy is to go right back to baby-ing them. I'm stopping all after-school stuff - not as punishment, just for a rest, and we're just going to spend the week before half-term lounging around with dvds and hot chocolate when school finishes.

They're exhausted from this half-term and so am I, and every little thing is being magnified to enormous proportions. Tears are all too frequent and it's horrible for all of us.

We're not doing any school reading, but I'm reading all sorts of things aloud to them, especially the old stuff that they know already. Also doing a bit of 'cooking' - chocolate crispie cakes, self-serve pizza toppings etc. Basically lots of mummy time.

Hoping next half-term will see all of us reinvigorated - esp Flamechick!

aww sorry flamechick is sad

agree chat to teacher, hope goes well on monday

agree teacher should have a chat at circle time(our school does) about anything that is worrying mums/children etc - no names are mentioned so no child feels it is about them

Flame - is there any that you would feel thatsuggesting that powerrangers is not an apprpriate game for school - I see that ds's school isn't the only one to ban it.
might just help...