Do you rely on school to do the hard work of saying 'no'?

[Blu]

I have seen, in discussion on threads about school uniform and lunchboxes, people raise the fact that a school rule makes it easier to say no, because you can just say 'school don't allow it'.

Isn't it even more important in the face of advertising and peer presure that WE as parents are able to say a Big Firm No, mean it, and stick to it?

Are parents becoming wussy? (not being personal about any individuals who may have added this as a pov in a discussion, but raising the question of where we get our resolve from - or whether we are losing it.

I think a lot of parents worry that their child won't love them if they stop them doing things. I have seen people on here who dissolve into tears if their DC says that they hate them! Therefore it is much easier to let the school be the one to do the unpopular. A parent is not a best friend and shouldn't try to be.

I don't use no as default setting although I know many people see it as good parenting. It's much easier to say no all the time. I prefer 'we'll see' or 'I'll think about it'. I am rarely 100% sure about anything so I like to consider. I'd rather hedge my bets and then possibly say yes, than give an adamant no and have to change my mind.

I think that most things in life require a yes answer than a no anyway.

I only say NO when appropriate-not to everything! Generally it is yes- we'll see or I'll think about it generally means yes.

I agree that a lot of it is down to bad/lazy parenting.
It is a parents job to discipline their own child, just as it is their responsibility to feed that child.
I personally, and this is not a dig at anyone on here, cannot abide crap parents who allow their kids to do as they like regardless of the consequences.
Use contraception if you cannot do the job.

Rant over.
ps I do find it hard to say no and stick to it sometimes, but I knew that it was no bed of roses before I had kids.

I am confident in my own parenting and my ability to set boundaries for my children and stick to them.

But of course it is helpful for everyone to be singing from the same song sheet whether it's about being kind to others, or the importance of exercise, or organisation or whatever obviously. So I like to think the school works together with parents to discipline children and help them learn good behaviour and how to be independent and considerate.

Where school rules are particularly important is where peer pressure sets in. So I am grateful for policies on healthy eating so that my children don't feel resentful that they are the only ones who don't have packets of crisps, sweets etc in their lunchbox or get bullied or singled out by other children because of it. Likewise with school uniform and homeowrk and so on. It is very helpful and supportive of my parenting when every other child is doing the same things.

Quite, fivecandles.

Agree with fivecandles. In particular, I have been grateful to the schools for enforcing my own anti-bullying/kindness message.

But if I feel the school is giving the wrong message, I would not hesitate to say so. Dd's previous school were very poor in their attitude to disabled people and I did tell her more than once that what the school was doing was not right and that these were not the attitudes I wanted her to take away. I know there are people who think you should uphold the school's authority at any cost, but I think I would have failed as a parent if I had not spoken out for my principles.