MY 3.2 yr old is still in nappies...

[Amani]

I've tried and tried on 3 different occasions and she just won't realise what she is doing or has done.

My method is to let her run around in trousers with no nappy/pants on, in the hope that she will tell me when she has wee/poo so she can learn about wet/dry and then let her learn and develop from that etc.

However she will wee/poo herself and be content to sit in her dirty clothes until I notice. It really does not bother her that she is wearing soiled clothe....

Each occasion I've perserved for about 3 days but as I have another DD (12 mths), I've given up after that as it is just too much hard work loking after then both...

Please can anyone give advice/help/what to do???? Keep being told 3.2 yrs is to old to be in nappies and the pressure is getting to me.

my ds was 3.6 before he came out of nappies. But it was very easy when we tried at that age - he finally understood. Don't panic - it will come.

Have you tried putting her regularly on the potty? Looking out for signs she needs to wee/poo, then putting her on the potty?

Has she seen you using the toilet?

Hi, Amani - dd2 was very late indeed - even later than her older sister was, who has ASD. I really would not bother at all about what other people say - it's none of their business. And your dd will get there in the end, even though it seems like she won't now!

Dd2 was still wearing pull ups at night until she started reception last year. Like your dd, she was unconcerned by sitting around in mess and I found that she was simply to lazy to stop playing and go. Even now if she is 'busy' she will leave it too late and end up doing a wee on the floor before she gets to the bathroom.

In your position, because it is causing stress I would leave it for a while, particularly because you have another younger dd. I thought we would be able to use the same method with dd2 that we had with dd1, but no such luck!

When you go back to it, I would suggest using something really motivating as a reward, which she only gets for this. Find something she loves but does not have access to any of the rest of the time.

Belgo - forgot to mention in addition I kept putting her on the potty/toiler - which ever she chose ever 1/2 hr and she just sat there and played with the loo roll a little and then came off without doing anything and on occasions 5 mins later she would pee/poo.

Electra - I would award her sticker everytime she went onthe toilet but I think the novely wore off. She gets a lot of treats from her grandparents so chocs and sweets are not a novelty for her. Can't think of what else to reward her with....??

Does she have friends who are potty trained? It may help if she sees friends of a similar age using the potty.

Sweets and chocolate would become more reinforcing if you make them more unavailable than they currently are just while you are trying to crack it. Cod used to do potty training threads on MN before she left which I think people found useful - so perhaps search the archives. She used to recommend using shrimps.

shrimps?

My ds was nearly 4 - but did it overnight and never had an accident once. I would just wait - it'll happen!

My ds who's nearly 4 has only really just cracked toilet training, and even now, probably once a fortnight comes home from nurery in spare clothes.

Firstly, I would say don't panic. Your dd may be a the older end of when most children are trained, but she is not unusual. If she's not ready, she's not ready, and unless there is a reason you need to get her out of nappies, I'd leave her a couple of months and try again.

If stickers and biccies aren't working, what about books? A friend of mine got a cheap set of mr men books and everytime her dd went she got a book? What about thinking of a bigger treat, and everytime she goes she's closer to the big thing she's looking forward to?

Anyway, hope some of this helps!

DS2 was very late - the nursery her was booked to start kept ringing to see if I wanted him to join and I had to keep making excuses. In the end something just clicked and he learned quickly then, but I think that pants that were uncomfortable when they got wet and Cadbury's buttons as a reward helped a lot

Part of me is thinking leave it for a bit..but just am fed up of hearing comments about her not being potty trained, plus now she is older the pooy nappies smells much worse...
Also it's a bit difficult to reinforce the sweets and chocs as when she goes to relatives house, they spoil her too much, although the books might be a good idea.....

I don´t think she has a problem as such, my DD was also late at 3 years + a few weeks. Like someone said, one day something clicked and she was out of nappies from one day to the next. No accidents, ever, from that point.

What pressure is there? This is just not up for discussion. Nobody else´s business... If she´s not ready she´s not ready. But putting pressure on a child to get potty trained seems to have the reverse effect ime..

Agree with Belgo -- DD decided she wanted to use the potty after seeing a friend of hers the same age use the potty.

We have had lots of false starts, but yesterday she was accident free.

A few weeks ago, she was doing the same thing as your DD, and she got so distressed by an accident, I decided not to try anymore.

And then yesterday, asked her to please use the potty, and so far she's been doing it.

One thing DD loves are her Peppa Pig pants which she only is able to wear when she's using the potty...

When DD is at nursery the staff take a few of them to the toilets together, but like I mentioned previously she pays more attention to pulling the loo roll out..

ILOVEMY.....oh, thats a very good idea - Peppa Pigs pants - well in my DDs case Dora pants - might try that. Someone told me about some 'special'plastic pants that mothercare do that can help with potty training too, anyone know about it??

Amani - I had similar problems with DS2 and he was 3.6 when he was trained.

We tried a few times before then but they failed at the first hurdle - he wouldn't sit on the potty. The final time I just decided to go for it but he didn't do anything in the potty for the first 3 days, just everywhere else. In the end I had enough and, after a morning of loading him up with drinks and him not doing a wee, I made him come with me and sit on the potty. He refused to sit there long (he has a stubborn streak) but that time I refused to let him out of the bathroom.

I was not unkind, I didn't shout, I just said I didn't want him to wet the carpet again and he had to try and see if he could use the potty. We were there a very long time (over an hour). We had a chat, talked about using the potty, what he would do when he had some stars on his star chart(it wasn't a huge incentive until he actually started to earn some I have to say) but I refused to let him out, because I knew that if I did he would wee and wet the carpet within minutes and he still wouldn't know what it felt like to use the potty and we would be no further along.

In the end I had to go and get DS1 from school so got my mother over to sit with him and the minute I was gone he used the potty (stubborn streak again).

I still maintain that he didn't use it because he didn't understand how to let go deliberately and do a wee and that he had to be made to give it a go. After that he was properly trained within the week. It was a definite turning point.

I do realise it sounds a bit extreme but going along with what he wanted was not getting him trained and it was getting embarrassing, not to mention physically difficult to change a large child when we were out. His pre-school, although prepared to change him weren't very happy and so there was pressure there too.

The other thing is that we gave up the potty very quickly (within that first week) because being so much older than average and being quite big it wasn't very comfortable for him. Have you thought of going straight to the toilet stage if your DD is big enough?

Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to say I share your pain and that sometimes an unconventional way might be called for.

that's very interesting Niecie; it just shows, different methods work for different children.

Thats another thought aswell Neiece - thank you, it was interesting to read, specially as my DD2 has a very stubborn streak as well. Am thinking in her case I might put her on the toilet instead of the potty, at least there is less chance of her escaping from the toilet. I have to admit I have shouted twice at her for just sitting in her spoilt clothes

Sorry, belgo - I meant the pink sweets. Apparently they work well!

for a moment there I was thinking real shrimp......lol

DS1 was late to potty train, about 3.6.
I bought some Pingu pants which I showed him and one day I happened to ask him if wanted to wear them and he said yes and he was pretty much there straight away in terms of wees, very few accidents.
(He never like using a potty and preferred a childs seat on the loo.)
We did buy some special lollipops as an incentive for a poo on the loo as he found this less easy and this seemed to help.
But dont panic your DD is not unusual, ignore the comments and keep posting on MN where you will get better advice/support than in RL.

Thanks everyone I really do appreciate the advice and 'knocking' some sense into me regarding not pressurising myself to get DD to potty train. Also the incentives you;ve mentioned are useful as they are ideas that I've not tried. Please post more if you have anything elseto add, say..
xx

My ds1 was 3.10 when he potty trained. Had tried before, but he just didn't get it. Did the whole running around half-naked thing too. Then he managed to do a wee in return for a choccie biscuit and after that it was like a little switch had been flicked in him. He found he could do it when he wanted to. After a week of this I took the plunge and put him in pants day and night. We had one rocky day (was fine at night) and that was it. Easy peasy.
FWIW friends who trained their children much earlier found it took much longer and were still having the occasional accident after ds had switched over.
Sometimes I think potty-training is just another thing for parents to beat themselves up about.

I really wonder what the right age to potty train is. Surely there is just an age when they are ready, physically and psycologically, but until recently given the work involved in washing nappies parents preferred to tolerate lots of accidents rather than a heavy nappy washing load? To me a child that continues to have lots of accidents after a week or two just isn´t ready to be potty trained and can´t be called potty trained in the first place. What "potty trained" means to some people is not the same to others.

My ds was a little younger, but had shown absolutely no interest until we went camping with my SIL and her children, who are all older. My ds was feeling very grown up running around the campsite with them, but another boy said he was still a baby because he wore nappies.
It worked like a dream - he was so motivated!
I don't know if you could engineer anything similar, or if it would even work with your dd.
We also had a spaceship sticker chart and when it was full up he had a new toy.
But...if she really isn't ready and it's causing stress maybe leave it for a few weeks - one of my nephews was nearly 4 and it was really easy when he was ready - all previous attempts ended in tears and disaster.