DC2 due next week. DS is 9. Reassurance and experiences please!

[pluto]

I'm interested to hear more about the experiences of those of you who are older parents and have a big age gap between your children. Our DC2 is being delivered by CS next week and our DS is 9. I'm 39 next month and DH is 8 years older than me. We're really excited and feel very privileged to at last be welcoming another addition to our family - we've been TTC DC2 since DS was 2 - but I know that the age gap between our children, and our own ages as parents will present some interesting scenarios. Although we aren't spring chickens I like to think DH and I are both pretty energetic and hope that having another child will keep us young in outlookAny advice or experiences you could share with regard to this age gap between our DCs and what it is like to raise a family as an "older" parent, to becalm my pre-CS nerves would be gratefully received.

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You'll be fine - there's lots of mother's on here having their first at your age. Your DS will go one way or another with it - he'll either think the baby's boring or he'll get into having a little brother or sister. I know two families with that age gap and it works pretty well, especially once the baby turns into a toddler and is funny. Just make sure you give your son enough time to adjust. He'll probably find it harder than you will.

I think you are right Smee - the person I really need to watch is DS who will need a lot of time to adjust. I can't imagine what the next few months are going to be like for him. I'm not so concerned about my own age - I just need to keep DH young

Its the same as if you had a smaller age gap. Mine are 8yrs 10yrs and 5 weeks old. Dont let the older one get pushed out, make sure people bring him presents if they are bringing the baby something. If their is something that you always do together, even if it is just sitting down and watching one of his cartoons with him dont forget or be too busy.
My 8 year old was worried that he would have to be grown up now that he was an older brother, and had to be reassured that the was the little big boy. Also let him help if he wants to, let him hold the baby, help with the bath, choose the outfits to wear so he can be proud of himself.
Also I am 38 and DH is 44. The most difficult thing is the lack of sleep. I have found DH to be grumpier this time, but that might just be my memory But that is the same for all new parents.

DS has said he's excited about the baby coming and made lots of humorous and endearing comments and gestures - but has also contradicted this on a number of occasions. I know he's going to find it hard and that we must make time for him. I've been including him in the baby preparations -he helped decorate the nursery and has had a big input into name selection. I think the other thing I need to watch out for is that my conversations with him don't all focus on his new little brother / sister. I know this is common sense but I hope I can put it into practise! I think I also need to accept that DS may find the whole baby thing boring - that it's not necessarily what 9 year old boys are into, and I shouldn't be concerned if he doesn't take a big interest. DH is a terrible insomniac - this may be to my advantage at nightime or the LO may be the cure to this!

I'm sure that in a couple of years time I'll look back at this and think what was I worrying about? I guess the LO just has to fit in with the routines of the of the (much)older one in the same way that they would if the age gap was much smaller.

I had DS2 when DS1 was almost 9. We had some problems initially - DS1 was very jealous and fed up. DS1 spent the summer holidays in France with his best friend's family (the mother is French and a good friend of mine); when he got back, DS2 was 7 months and had become a lot more interesting. Everything was fine after that!

I have just had DS2 two weeks ago and have a DS1 aged 11, and a DD aged 14, DD is in foster care but adores her little brother, wouldn't put him down, FC said she was surprised as DD is not 'one to show her feelings or be so loving'
DS1 Is fantastic with DS2 and it brings tears to my eyes to see him with his brother, very loving and caring.. he also is of an age to understand how much time DS2 will take up and that he is not forgotten, he does know how to express any wish for more attention in his own way but so far we are doing ok.

Also have a DSD and DSS aged 6 and 7 respectively, they are over the moon with baby also, i am waiting for DP's oldest DD to get in contact, she is 13, he is dubious about it but i have a one track mind in thinking sod what their relationship is ect ect, she has a right to contact with her brothers and sister.

I'm sorry for the apparent hijack but i wanted to explain everything before telling you, i think you will be ok, you obviously are a good mum as you have posted this question, caring about how your DS will take this is the first step.
Be open about the time baby is taking up, ask him for help, but not OTT or he may resent doing so much, there is a balance and you will find it i'm sure.

But i think you will find DS is over the moon with new baby and IMO it's a good age gap with less likelihood of jealousy, and less work for you as you don't have a demanding toddler and a new baby winners all round lol

Oh.. congratulations and good luck xx

Thank you BlueSapphire, it's really helpful to hear how this kind of age gap works in reality. Next thing I need to do is train up DH with some good and polite responses to a friend who is already suggesting they go out and wet the baby's head on the evening he is born. How is poor old DS going to feel then? palmed off at a friend's for a sleepover while his Dad goes out to celebrate and his mum is in hospital recovering from a CS. I just don't understand some people, they think they are being friendly but actually it's really selfish. DH has so far said to him "I think we'll play it by ear." Maybe I should put this on the AIBU thread!

I'm not classed as an older parent but I did have quite a large gap between Ds1 and Dd of 11 years.

It worked out fantasticly, he was old enough to not need me to do everything for him, so I could spend time with Dd, he was old enough to understand why she needed more time and not be jealous, he also really built his own very special bond with her as he'd waited so long for a sibling!

He is 16 now and shes 4, they still get along great, Good luck!

pluto, tell him a lad's night is about him and your son. He can crack a can or two at home, and get a take away, a film and other indulgent treats for him and his first born. That's the only way he should celebrate - making his son feel special. That and relishing one of his last full nights of sleep of course. Men are sometimes so dim. Good luck with the cs.