with all the pressure children are under these days... when do you start letting them do things like their own washing and ironing or just making the sunday lunch?

[amess]

These are the things that I was doing from 12-14 but for my own I can't imagine feeling they have time but then before you know it they will be 18 so when do you start ignoring the amount of time they have to do homework and socialising or even just flaking out?

Well I have a 12 year old (and other younger children). I wouldn't dream of making him do any of those things on a regular basis, but I do get him and his younger siblings to do lighter tasks eg laying the table, drying up. I also taught him how to iron a few weeks ago but would only give him easy things like pillow cases to iron and only during the holidays (but then I am a SAHM so perhaps that makes a difference?) All my children sometimes do a bit of baking or make a simple dinner too, and ds1 sometimes prepares vegetables for me while I make the meal.

It wouldn't occur to me to get them to do their washing separately, but I guess a time will come when I will show them how to use the machine. That is how I see my responsibility in this area: showing them how to do things so they can when they are on their own. And getting them to help out in the house while they are here. But I don't want them living an effective separate life from the rest of the family.

Making the Sunday lunch? I don't think I'd expect them to do a full roast dinner, but it depends what you eat on a Sunday I suppose.

Definitely clean their own room by then.
I'd think everyone's washing should be done together or it would take a while to get a load of whites/woolens together, but nothing to stop them sorting loads and putting them in, hanging up, folding etc.
I didn't do my own ironing til I left school, but that's cos I am really bad at it, and I'd have looked a scruff in a crinkly uniform.

It's important they know how to do everything before they leave home, but they don't need to do ALL of it ALL the time, if you don't think they're up to it.
Perhaps have something they're in charge of. Setting the table and clearing and washing the pots after dinner were entirely our jobs as teens.

wastingmyeducation thanks. Full roast dinner is what I was referring to. by 14 I was well able to do it on my own. I just feel that today there is so much pressure regarding education and independence and out of school activities etc I just want mine to have spare time and a reasonable amount before they have to be out there on their own but worry that when that time comes they wont have learnt anything about living independtly.

Maybe it is a good idea to get them doing the dinner then, cos I've still never managed a full roast.

I guess it's about striking a balance. The night I had my youth group to go to as a teenager, I didn't wash the pots.
Learning to live independently is just as important as getting paper qualifications. Some would say more so.

wastingmyeducation is right, learning to live independently is just as important as paper qualifications. Whilst I wouldn't make them do their own washing and ironing I would certainly expect them at that age to be able to put on a load of everyone's washing or to make a dinner. It is a balance and they certainly shouldn't be completely off the hook.

I already get my 2.7 year old to pair up the socks

I did the ironing for my family (5 children and 2 adults) from the age of 8yo. Probably why I actually like doing it now. Plus we all cleaned our rooms, swept down the stairs with a brush and pan and did the washing up as soon as we could reach. That is why my DBs are so domesticated.

DTS are only 4yo but they tidy up the living room before go up for their evening bath. It is something they do naturally now because we instilled the habit into them early.

A few months ago, DS (8) cooked a full roast dinner. I supervised but only got involved when requested. I helped him work out the order of things to be done and how much time to allow - but he did it all (apart from the gravy which i was asked to do) - including putting the chicken in /out of the oven.

Next time i'd expect him to work out things himself and just run it by me to check - and i'd still be on hand if needed to oversee but i'd stand back a bit more.

He was so excited and proud to do it and even made a speech at the dinner table (i carved!) "I couldn't have done this without Mummy" (big aahhh!)

Having said that i won't let him make hot drinks with kettle yet as he can't seem to control it.

Ironing, i barely do it myself and he is aware - maybe a couple more years. Washing, with his mucky rugby kits i think soon!

If it was just the homework and the socialising I am afraid I could find it in my heart to be ruthless, but unfortunately dd has a painful joint disorder so I have to pick my moments carefully before I tell her to do things (but then she hasn't got the strength to do much out of school socialising either- she usually goes fairly straight to bed).

The ironing question is sorted because nobody does any. I never iron their clothes, so it seems a bit pointless to ask them to do it. And I wouldn't want them to run a separate machine for their stuff: we are strictly economical when it comes to washing in this house, machines have to be full.

I do sometimes ask them to wash up or cook a basic meal, but as I said, I have to pick the right moment.

DDs - 3 and 4 already tidy the living room and their bedrooms. OK, it's is with varying success but on occasion DD1 has done it better than I would!

I also get them to sort out the washing into white, darks and coloureds, they help load the dishwasher, set the table, clear their own plates from the table and put some of their clean laundry into their drawers. All this is supervised but they do it in the main.

That makes me sound like a task master, doesn't it but they enjoy doing it at the moment so I don't see the harm in encouraging it because they will need to know these things when they're older.

As for things like washing and ironing - probably round about 12 or 13 I suppose. Cooking a roast - as soon as they feel able to.

Do you mean 'letting' or 'making'?

Pennies - Spill the beans - How do you get 'em to do it?
I have DS aged 4 and 3 and I don't seem to be able to get them to tidy up...anything...ever ...unless I am having a really bad day and say after numerous polite requests ' Roight - anything that is still on the floor in 5 mins is going in the bin/ attic' It does work and my poor 4 yr old knuckles down but needless to say I'm not proud of this technique. What should I be saying/doing?

I don't score very highly:

Washing - I am happy that they put their dirty clothes in the corner of their bedrooms, one allocated place.

Ironing - We don't iron in this house!

Roast - Wow, I only started making a roast a few years ago. Older members of the family invite us to have roast at their places. I'm not expecting to do a Christmas meal until I am about 60!! My children can put oven chips in the oven and take them out again though!

We have decided to strick a balance between my upbringing and DH's
I went to boarding school at 7 - had to organise all my school things each day make sure I had put all my washing things in the bag otherwise they didn't get washed & Change my bed each week.
From the age of 11 we had a washing rota for each year group so we were then taking it in turns to do our year groups washing. We also had a jobs rota for cleaning the boarding house.

However - we didn't have access to the kitchens at all. I had no idea how to cook - we were allowed in 6th form to use the hot drinks vending machine.

DH grew up with a stool in the kitchen and from when he could stand he cooked with him mum. But she wouldn't let him anywhere near anything else domesticated.

So Upshot - we have 2DS's they are 4 & 2 they make their beds each morning - clear the table after breakfast with DH & I - They are both in the kitchen alot when we cook and DS1 loves cooking dinner for everyone his favorite is bacon scrambled egg beans on toast.
They tidy their rooms each night before bed and put their clothes in the laundry basket before they go to the bath.

However I don't see their level of responsibility changing much for a very long time. If they sort out their own rooms and put laundry where we all agree and continue to enjoy cooking I will be very happy.

philopastry - a variety of methods really depending on time of day / time of month / amount of sugar consumed by children...

Praise for a job well done works well, along with "I bet you can't..." style encouragement. Stickers, bits of pasta in pasta reward jars and all that jazz is all very helpful to reward them.

Frequently tho it's not all so Stepford. I can squawk quite loudly when needs be and threats and warnings can also be part of the process. A black bin bag has been used on only a couple of more fraught occasions but the panic tidying which ensued when this tactic was deployed made me feel quite guilty for doing it.

Washing - they don't wash their own clothes (they are 13 and 11) but they do put them into the wash and out them away when clean. DD1 will sometimes do the ironing but we don't iron much anyway tbh.

Rooms - beds to made every day and rooms to be tidied every couple of days and dusted and vacuumed once a week or so.

Washing up after dinner - probably every other night.

Cooking - only if they want to; altough dd1 has to cook herself something on the occasions that the rest of us are eating something that she doesn't like.

Set the table - most evenings.

We have always expected them to do age-appropriate tasks from as soon as they were able to do so. Even at one they were expected to help put their toys and books back etc.

thanks pennies.

herbie that sounds great