DD (9) living her life according to her drippy friend

[paolosgirl]

OK, drippy is too strong, and I apologise, but DD has one b/f. Now, this is lovely and they are very close - have been since day one of P1, but this girl is very serious, comes from a very insular family with no outside interests at all apart from music festivals, and my DD refuses to go to anything at school etc because her BF won't be there.

I've had to force her to go to Brownies, which she now loves, and she goes horse riding once a fortnight, but she's becoming increasingly insular and it's really worrying me. It's not even as if she and her BF see each other outside school.

Some of the other girls are beginning to call them 'weird', and whilst I'm all for celebrating differences and not living life according to others blah blah, I feel DD is beginning to miss out on so much because of this BF. How can I encourage her to develop other friendships whilst maintaining this friendship with a girl she is very close to?

Brownies and horse riding sounds good, how many activities do you want her to do?

Just be thankful she's not in a group of 3 or 4 best friends - they always seem to fall out, causing no end of dramas!

I wouldn't worry too much, just keep her ongoing activities going. Does she go camping with Brownies? This will broaden circle of friends even further, and also give her confidence.

When you say music festivals, is it a particular music the friend likes? Or the social aspect of going to a festival? I feel this could be extended on too.

Maybe your DD's friend doesn't have the oportunity to do Brownies and horseriding??

I agree with andlipsticktoo, twoclose friends better than a group of three or four girls all fighting to be topdog.

Could you perhaps invite some girls from the class round for tea?

Brownies and horseriding good, maybe also a summer school type activity for her to broaden her horizons - I know they do some drama ones near where we live which could be a good idea.

Is it likely that they will go to the same senior school, or will this fizzle out at that stage?

That's a good idea blametheparents.

Do you have half term coming up? See what is going on locally that she could go to, and what summer holiday programmes will be running this year that she may be interested in.

We have half term, but my mum is coming down to look after DD and DS whilst I'm at work. There are activities during some of our holidays, but again it's been very difficult over the years to persuade her to do anything because the BF doesn't go to anything - literally nothing. All of these activities are within walking distance, so it's not that, and judging by the job her father has I would imagine there would certainly be money for one activity - esp. as the holiday ones at the school are £6 for the day.

They will be going to the same High School, but hopefully exposure to other children there will cool things off a bit and help her spread her wings. I'll see if she wants to invite another girl home for tea one night.

You could be right about the top dog thing - but even one other friend would be nice! If I ask her how her friends were that day at school, she just looks at me and says "you KNOW I only have one friend" - breaks my heart. I know that when I was that age we moved from our village, leaving my BF very lonely. I don't want the same thing to happen to DD.