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Parenting

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Original poster

Can anyone put their 2.5yr old to bed without spending an hour up and down the stairs, culminating in...

33 replies

bohemianbint · 01/02/2009 20:31

...someone bellowing "WILL YOU JUST GET BACK INTO BED!!!"

It's shit, I hate it. DS1 slept like a log in a cot, but now he's in a bed it's hellish. There's a stairgate on his door to stop him wandering out of the room but he's out of bed every 3 seconds, wanting to be put back in bed, wanting his cup in the room, wanting it out again, etc etc yadda yadda...

Do they all do this? Can anything be done? Will he grow out of it? Have DS2 as well so can't spend the whole evening putting him silently back into bed, even if I agreed that supernanny had a point with that (she hasn't met my son, perseverance isn't the word.)

He will quite happily sit at the top of the stairs in the dark for 2 hours, despite having dropped his nap and being totally knackered. If we shut the door so he can't get out he goes to sleep in seconds, but I don't like to do that.

There must be a middle ground?

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eNABlemetobebetter · 01/02/2009 20:32

1 1/2 hours after putting DS2 to bed he is stil getting up and crying for a drink. DH made the decision not to give him one and now I can't go back on it.

OlderNotWiser · 01/02/2009 20:33

I'd shut the door. I do shut the door. Whats wrong with that..?

PrettyCandles · 01/02/2009 20:35

Go ahead and shut the door. When you go up to bed open his door and leave it slgihtly ajar. That is what we did with ds1 and dd, until they asked us to leave the door ajar right away (but by then they were about 6and 4, and consistently good sleepers) and is what we still do with 2y ds2.

BTW, boringly returning them to bed really does work. Even if it may take a couple of weeks - at the most - it is a good investment.

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ChasingSquirrels · 01/02/2009 20:36

I shut the door.

dinkystinky · 01/02/2009 20:37

How old is DS2? Sounds like DS1 may be acting up for attention at bedtime purely because he can...

It does pass, I promise. My DS is 2.10 months (his little brother is due this month) and when he moved to bed a couple of months ago he was rather excitable at bedtime (several escapes from bed to play with toys instead etc) - we'd just got and put him back in bed and turn light out and close the door again; he eventually got the message after about 2 weeks though still does occasionally act up at afternoon nap time (which I think may be because he's getting ready to drop that nap, but that's another matter entirely). My friends with several kids said all their 2 year olds went through that phase when no 2/3/etc came along too.

notnowbernard · 01/02/2009 20:37

Yes, sometimes dd2 will hang around at the door bellowing

If that occurs, the door gets shut

She then knows it really is bedtime

Ceebee74 · 01/02/2009 20:38

No advice but I am SO with you! DS1 is 2.7 and moved to a bed about 3 months ago - just before DS2 arrived. Big mistake I feel!! He also slept like a log in his cot...oh how I wish we had kept him there!

He goes to bed relatively easier (apart from a prolonged routine that we HAVE to do every night - yawn!) but he is up at least twice a night! I have tried the 'putting back to bed silently' and it has worked tbh. The first night it took an hour and twenty minutes (aah!!) before he gave in and went back to bed, the next night was 20 minutes and it has been relatively ok so far - he still tries it on and will get up about 3 or 4 times but will settle once I threaten to switch his Thomas story CD off!

How ironic that I am getting all my sleepless nights from DS1 - not 10-week old DS2 who sleeps like a dream!

One thing I have thought (and maybe this explains it a bit for you) is that he doesn't like the fact DS2 is in our bedroom or downstairs when he has gone to bed.

ChasingSquirrels · 01/02/2009 20:38

fwiw I do that when I go to bed aswell, but I don't actually leave it ajar, I pull it closed as far as it goes without latching.
I once read about a house fire where the children died because their bedroom doors were open whereas the parents with the closed door survived. Air-flow etc.

Ceebee74 · 01/02/2009 20:39

X-posts with Dinkystinky - it seems there may be something in the theory that it is due to the arrival of a sibling....

Original poster

bohemianbint · 01/02/2009 20:40

Really? I thought I'd get flamed for shutting the door. I just find it quite hard when I never left him to cry but have started to do it now he's 2 and a half - but perversely it's the only thing he responds to. If I go in and be all nice to him he keeps demanding and demanding and it's just not do-able.

Pretty Candles - I'd give it a go but I just don't have the time, some evenings I'm just here on my own and I have to deal with DS2 and can't spend 5 hours playing reposition the toddler...

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 01/02/2009 20:41

If we shut the door so he can't get out he goes to sleep in seconds, but I don't like to do that.

Sounds like you already have a brilliant solution... why don't you like shutting the door??

We shut the door - it's part of the 'time to sleep not play' routine, if we don't she keeps on playing... if we do she's asleep in no time.

I can't see the problem shutting the door, it's not like it's upsetting him

AnarchyAunt · 01/02/2009 20:41

DD is 5 now, but at 2.5 she went to bed without fuss.

This was mainly because she knew that getting out of bed for anything except toilet, meant I would turn off the landing light. Shutting her door was reserved for further faffing after light went off. Harsh, but as a single parent her bedtime is my wind-down time. Without it I do not function, so she has to go to bed on time and in a seemly fashion.

luckylady74 · 01/02/2009 20:45

He needs to sleep to function and grow - by shutting the door you are being kind not cruel. Open it later if it makes you feel better, but if he's anything like my dc you'll be able to hear him if he needs you shut door or not!

Original poster

bohemianbint · 01/02/2009 20:46

we have to tie the door shut (as recommended by that toddler taming bloke) which I'm not comfortable with, because he sometimes cries about it - but only for about 2 mins max, then he's asleep, which seems more sensible than playing his "want cup/mouse/bear in/out of the bedroom" for several hours.

The sibling thing is interesting - I had wondered if he thought he was left out when DS2 is in our room...

OP posts:

AnarchyAunt · 01/02/2009 20:50

Can you not just put him in bed, close stairgate on bedroom door, turn off light on stairs/landing, and go and drink wine/watch tv?

Don't respond to demands for cup/mouse/bear. Its bedtime. End of.

NorthernOne · 01/02/2009 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pavlovthecat · 01/02/2009 20:52

Shut the door. You can always open it once he is asleep if you must. If it works and he goes to sleep in seconds, there is no reason not to.

IdrisTheDragon · 01/02/2009 20:53

I always shut the door - when we got to bed our door is open and we can hear DS and DD (well, only really DD - DS is a good sleeper. DD is not)

pavlovthecat · 01/02/2009 20:55

Oh and sorry meant to say you are not alone. We have not long been able to get DD to sleep of an evening without the same kind of fight 'I need potty/toilet/milk/drink/I am hungry/snuggle me mama/need story/not sleepy/I cold/hot/its too dark/bright'. She goes out like a light now...

..and wakes up for 2-3 hours sometime between 2am and 6am . You cant win eh?

OlderNotWiser · 01/02/2009 20:58

If he only cries for a couple of minutes then its not a real probllem for him...so great! You have your solution! Stick with it for a while, minus the guilt, and it wont be long before you can drop the tie-the-door-shut routine and just pull it closed.

I shut the door to prevent any problems with sleep walking/stairs/getting lost and confused in the dark etc. Not that they do, but I did as a child, so I guess I play safe.

noonki · 01/02/2009 20:58

We never shut the door as DH had this done as a kid and is a bit neurotic about it (most together bloke on most things so we he asked me not to as it upset him so much as a kid I know it must have really upset him)

When DS1 was that age he had a spate of it and we used to

before going upstairs to start getting ready for bed ask him if he wanted anymore milk/food etc and remind him that their would be no more till breakfast. And also tell him that once he was he bed he must stay in bed till morning.

Get him ready for bed (routine stuff)

Put him in bed reminding him again to stay in bed till morning.

Read stories in bed

Leave him with abook to look at

If he got out of bed we would first time say it's bedtime don't et out till morning

if out again. just said bed

and third time just put him back with no convo at all.

after a two nights of this he stopped (then would chance it again a few weeks on and we could do it all again!)

worked well though, remember to big them up when they stay in bed, and talk about the no food/no getting out of bed away during the day (try and make them think it was their idea...sneaky but affective!)

Original poster

bohemianbint · 01/02/2009 21:01

I think Deborah Jackson in "3 in a bed" referring to Dr Christopher Green's "rope trick" as "child abuse" freaked me out.

OP posts:

NorthernOne · 01/02/2009 21:08

This reply has been deleted

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NorthernOne · 01/02/2009 21:13

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OlderNotWiser · 01/02/2009 21:17

My DS cannot reach the door handle. So is shutting his door a health and safety risk...? Methinks some things are over analysed. Shutting the door is fine. Leaving it open is fine, if he stays in bed. But he doesnt...unless the door is shut. Sounds clear what your sons preference is

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