Fussy eating - indulge or challenge?

[clemette]

Good evening everyone.
Our DS has just turned one and is a decidely fussy eater. He will only eat cereal, fruit and yoghurt. If i try to offer him any other form of food that isn't a completely smooth puree (sweetened with fruit) he will start crying. At family meals he ends up just eating soft fruit as he point blank refuses to eat anything containing protein!
Now I remember DD going through fussy phases and my insticnt is just to go with it (for an easy life in the short-term, and the chance to have a converstaion with DD during meal times rather than forcing food on DS)>
I have tried finger food but he literally throws it at me.
So - is the best course to just keep offering him real food and then giving him the fruit and shreddies when he refuses? Or is to give him no alternative if he won't eat what is offered?
Am I setting myself up for a fall, or does it generally work out?
Sam x

Can't you give him a mix of the two (ie what he likes and what he thinks he doesn't) and ignore his strops/ don't get hassled by it. I always found with DS that in the end he'd try something, but only if I wasn't looking..

Challenge - in the long run it pays off, I have 2 kids 5 and 7 an I watch some of their friends who have been 'indulged' where food is concerned, and they eat such a limited range of food, its depressing. It can't be good for them.

MrsF, I'm not sure your suggestion works for every child. Am sure mine would still be a horribly fussy eater if I'd challenged him at the same age as clemette's lo. He's four now and not at all fussy, but I really do think it's because I never made a big deal about food. Nowadays I insist he tries anything new and he's fine with that, but it's still fine if he doesn't like it.

MrsF, I'm not sure your suggestion works for every child. Am sure mine would still be a horribly fussy eater if I'd challenged him at the same age as clemette's lo. He's four now and not at all fussy, but I really do think it's because I never made a big deal about food. Nowadays I insist he tries anything new and he's fine with that, but it's still okay if he doesn't like it. He knows it's not a battle ground, so we never have one iyswim.

sorry, thought the first post didn't go, so I sent it again, d'oh

DS was also very fussy (still is at 4 but is a whole lot better now). Challenging worked very well with DD when she was little, but did not work at all with DS. When he was very little we gave up on challenging him and just gave him what he would eat (actually, yogurt, fruit and shreddies!). The way we eventually managed to get him to eat a wider variety was by mixing up the foods he would eat. For example, if he would eat weetabix and also like raisins, for a while we would add the raisins to the weetabix, and that was enough of a challenge. I think there was perhaps a digestive weakness which he was instinctively aware of and would avoid many foods as a result. He still misses many meals because I now push him more, but at 6 months he would eat none of the foods I prepared at home and got hungrier and hungrier and more and more miserable until at 9 months I gave him a jar. Within a couple of days he was wolfing down 3 jars a day and was a much happier baby (and my cooking was really not that bad - I was pureeing fruit and veg to much the same consistency as the jars), and you can't say that at 7 months old he was needing challenging. So, would agree with Smee, for some children challenging is good, but there are children who seem to be abnormally fussy and challenging really just makes things worse. One of the most important things is to keep calm and make mealtimes enjoyable and sociable.

dont give fruit and shreddies when he refuses, as he relieses that if he refuses, that he will get what he wants

he wont starve by missing a meal, or even a few

hmmm, smee yes at 1 year old I guess its a bit early to not offer them alternatives. But later on I did take it or leave it, and they do take it if nothing else is on offer.

As proof of this I look at my ds' indian friend who at the tender age of 6 is scoffing chillie and pepper pizzas! his mum says they eat spicy food at home and surprise, surprise that's what he has to eat too! (not that I've gone too far down that road with my 2, cos I can't hack anything hotter than Korma anyway - maybe its time?!)

Thank you everyone.

Blondeshavemorefun do you think this works when they are so young? My parenting style isn't really suited to letting them get upset to teach them lessons (I am much more inclined to AP, but am quietly terrified we will end up on House of Tiny Tearaways!)

If he doesn't get anything he just breastfeeds for longer anyway!

tbh yes i do

i have had many children from babies and never had a fussy eater

you can retrain childrens eating/sleeping habbits

but if you offer them something afterwards, they reliese it, and will obv turn down what you are trying to give them

children are not stupid

I should try and eat together as much as possible so that it is a normal part of life that everyone does. I wouldn't offer things afterwards.

I hated weaning as my DS really didn't get into the whole idea at all. He would only pick at toast with philly, yoghurts, rice cakes etc and turned his nose (or his plate) up at anything else. Eventually after much stress I decided to just go with the flow and offered him food he liked. Gradually this expanded (going to nursery helped as he eats more when other children are there) and he eats really well now - he's wolfing down foods I never thought he would touch. He still won't touch fruit, but I'm sure that will come with time.

One is pretty young still so I would try to stress about it - it'll get better over time. I personally didn't feel comfortable with having battles over food.

Sadly we can't eat together unless we "give in" as he screams in his highchair until he is given grapes.
Seems like my approach of letting him have what he wants may not be a popular one...

It might also be that he is teething. I think we got into bad habits with DS when he was v. young because he wasn't hungry due to teething and we kept trying to tempt him with new delicacies. Fast forward to nearly 3 and he has a fairly limited repertoire of food.

Why don't you try giving him a little selection including things he likes plus a bit of the different selection of foods. I think the key thing though is not to show any reaction or make mealtimes a battle, but then you may not want to take my advice as nothing has worked that well for us

I agree with rookie that the main thing is not to give a reaction or make it a battle.
Try to combine what he likes with some new.

I do remember once trying to force a spoon into DD's mouth when she went through a fussy phase. Then I swore that I would never do that again.
It is reassuring to hear that others go through the yoghurt/grape/shreddie phase and come out the other side.

If you make it a power struggle you won't win! They pick up on your anxiety. Tell yourself he won't starve, and as you relax he might improve. Don't stop trying but if he won't eat it remove it.

Slightly better today - he refused to eat what I gave him, but was happier when I let him put his own spoon in the pot.Babysteps I suppose.
Thanks again.

My DS always refused to be spoon fed and would only eat if he could do it himself. Now he eats much better generally he is quite happy at times for me to help by spooning some in. He won't eat yoghurt now though after it being his No1 favourite for ages - they are so contrary at times!

My DD never took to solids that well from 6 months - hated purees and had a very limited diet. I did BF her until she was nearly 2, but when I cut down feeds it didn't improve her appetite at all. She is now 2.3 and in the last month she has finally started to eat. I got so stressed when she was about a year old I was depressed as after 6 months she would only eat 6 peas at lunch time and thats it. Now she seems interested in food - I've never pushed her, always offered her pudding, fruit at lunchtime a dairy type dessert at teatime - she hates all hot pudding very strange. I gave her food she would eat and would serve her a new food on the side - she finally ate carrots at 14 months and has just recently started eating "green trees" brocolli - only took nearly 2 years!

Give him what he will eat and a new food - and keep showing him the new food again and again and finally he will eat it.

I think gradually down the sweetness of food by mixing savoury and sweet might be an idea and gradually reducing the sweet.

Bit of reassurance here - for the first time ever, fussy DS (4) ate cottage pie for tea today. Yay!!!

I would have agreed that when they are hungry enough they will eat what they are given, right up to the point that DS proved me wrong. I'm certainly not one to be pussyfooting about when I need to get tough, but that just didn't work with DS.

I think DS's will is stronger than mine! Great ideas, thank you.