Life Skills .... the lack of :(

[BadgerBadger]

I don't feel as though I have any really, in any given situation I'm more likely to wing it than have any true idea formed of how to cope. Thus I'm prone to stuttering/blushing and ending up unable to voice myself effectively.

Yesterday I took DD's to a story session at the local library. Only DD's and I and the children's librarian were there. DD's were enjoying a story read by the librarian when the local nursery (which DD1 will start at later this month) turned up en masse.

DD1 was obviously shocked and unnerved by a large number of children appearing in quick succession into what was a small room. I didn't know what to say to help her . I feel cr@p about it TBH. She ended up hiding behind me and unable to speak to the other LO's, though she did say bye (quietly) to the nursery staff as they were leaving. (Usually she's a cheerful and fairly outgoing LO.)

I'm angry with myself as I feel through my nerves/lack of social knowhow, I floundered when she needed me to support her.

Meeting the other children from her nursery for the first time I would have hoped to be a more relaxed situation, as it was, I was tense, she was tense and really didn't enjoy it .

How can I teach her what I don't know? I really though I could overcome anything for my children's sake, but I know I failed to yesterday and TBH, I feel like a complete sh*t and know I let her down.

Don't feel bad. It's hard being a parent, and it's even worse if you're shy yourself. I am very quiet and shy and hate social situations, unfortunately the kids do pick up on it.

I think it comes with time. I am becoming more outgoing, mainly through neccessity - having to deal with dr's and the like.

I think it's a case of just starting slowly and building up - do you go to parent and toddler groups or socialise anywhere else?

Firstly don't beat yourself up over it - a really minor thing in the scheme of things, and young kids go shy very easily anyway. If she's cheerful and fairly outgoing anyway, then doesn't sound like there's much for her to worry about.

I think that if DD is brought up in a loving environment then she will pick up social skills and confidence instinctively. I have had the same sort of worries about teaching my son social skills/confidence, as my social skills are a bit useless sometimes (borderline aspie - I mean that seriously) but something that I think jimjams said (I think in response to a post of mine)made sense, about kids picking up things instinctively just from what's around them.

it sounds like you might benefit from 1)some sort of self-esteem/drama/elocution course and 2)some general relaxation type stuff

Badgerbadger - don;t blame yourself for this, my dds would have reacted in exactly the same way, hiding behind me, not talking etc. And I'm not a shy person. You didn't fail her. If she said goodbye at all then she's doing fine and you honestly don;t need to worry. The best source of confidence is knowing you have a loving mum always there for you - even one who's a bit shy. Please don;t worry

Badgerbadger, I think being able to wing it requires far more in the way of 'life skills' than 'learning' what to do in a given situation.

I feel the same sometimes with my DDs, but am considered a very confident person. The thing is, we're just not used to thinking things through from a small person's perspective. If you had an adult friend requiring your help, you would just advise without thinking, but trying to a) understand how a LO must feel and then b) put into words what they need to make them feel better. Takes some doing IMO.

Thanks for your replies . I know I'm probably making a bit of a mountain out of a worm cast, but it's just one of those ones that's really niggling at me!

I find I'm better with people individually, I'm at my happiest with a friend or two rather than a large group.

Your replies have reminded me of a technique I used to use which was to connest with each person in a large group individually, one by one, take my time (almost to the point of tuning out the rest of the group in the meantime). Otherwise I seem to suffer some sort of overload and my brain goes to bed!

Maybe that's something I could encourage DD to do if she does continue to find situations like this difficult.

Yay! Life Skill #1

I'll certainly look into some sort of self esteem group. Thanks for the tip.

Hatsoff, you're right ... at least I was there for her, even if just to hide behind!

Mum2girls, you're 'a' and 'b' were exactly the thoughts whirring through my mind at the time! Along with trying to stem my own fear and nervousness. Maybe winging it is something to be proud of, though even that looks like it could do with a brush up!