how to make nursery less of a worry for my three year old?

[bokki]

my gorgeous son started nursery in sept and had a wobbly start with lots of tears, but after a while it wore off and he loved nursery, and often he didnt want to come home for lunch! but in the winter term he was ill for quite a while and missed and fair bit and then it was xmas, and this term hes back to being really worried and sad at dropping off time again. he sometimes begs not to go, once he was in tears in the car on the way and hes been upset about going every time since jan. i dont have worries about the nursery, i have been a full time mum to him so being away from me is a bit of a new one for him, we have a babe on the way (which he is excited about). i try my hardest to be positive with him and talk about all the good things at nursery and what we'll do after etc, but i am desperate for him to feel happier about going (its a killer for both of us altho i try not to show that)and dont really know what else to do... can anyone help with advice? REALLY hope so!!! xx

Bumping for you.

I really sympathise bokki because when my DS started at nursery when he was 11 months it took him a little while to settle in and I just felt completely guilty that I was going back to work, and causing him to be so upset (although he loves it there now and blows all the staff kisses at the end of the day )

Perhaps you could take in a couple of your DS's favourite toys so that he feels a bit more 'at home' there? I did that with my DS and the nursery staff were good at playing with the toys with him.

What do the nursery say about it bokki? Could you stay with him to build his confidence back up again. I'm just settling my 3 yo at the moment, and this is what I've been doing (nursery's standard settling in policy, but this is unusual!)

It's helpful to pinpoint what your DS finds hard too - for mine it is the transitions between activities, especially outside time, and nursery have worked really hard at finding some strategies for getting over these hurdles.

mrsgboring - how long/often will they let you stay? Dd (3) is about to start preschool 2 mornings/week and I SO anxious. She is with a CM 3 days/week and used to go to nursery. She is super clingy and it's stronger than ever just now - perhpas just from hearing about preschool and school.

I don't know if being always with mum has any bearing really as dd has been used to childcare since she was 7 mo.

This morning I left her wailing and had to prize her fingers off me. Doesn't happen often but it's so awful, isn't it? The only reason I'm persevering with preschool is my even greater anxiety at leaving her at school in Sep if she doesn't know anyone The guilt is just brutal all round.

Dd has two comfort toys she takes with her - it does help but nursery may need to be told to let dc have them on demand rather than put away.

My son had a hard time settling back for a while after our summer holiday, and it's happening again at the moment (he's 2.5) now he's moved up a room. He only goes there a day a week which doesn't help.

He gets a bit shy when he gets there and cries when I leave, but after a cuddle he's fine when I ring to check. He takes in his cuddly elephant too.

Things I found helped, were turning up early so he could settle better when it's quieter. If I couldn't get there early then we went a little late, he likes his food so I found it helped to turn up at morning snack time, he felt more confident because the other kids were seated and not running up to him, plus he got toast/raisins!

Also I think he needs to know who he can go to for cuddles so I make a big deal of using the carers names when we are going there, and saying goodbye.
Worst comes to worst then ask his most familiar carer to take him from your arms and cuddle him. And always walk out smiling and waving, even if like me you're off to lurk around the corner and spy on him till he stops crying!!

does he HAVE to go?

Acinonyx, my nursery you stay for as long as it takes - even if that's the whole session. Apparently some people are still coming in for at least part of the session a whole term after their DCs start. DS has been averagely clingy I'd say - he'd never been left before except with very trusted babysitters. We are on week 4 of 3 days a week and tomorrow I'm going to leave and go home for the first time.

Different preschools vary in how they like to handle the separation - the place DS was going to go to before he didn't get a place (blessing in disguise, I think in hindsight) has a drop them and run policy, though you can take them in and stay with them for dropin sessions the term before they start. Most are somewhere in between.

Can you ask the school to put you in touch with a couple of friends who will be starting at the same time, so your DD can get to know them on a play date or something? (This is something else my preschool recommended to me and helped out with introductions)

Get them to talk through the routine in great detail and brief your DD - that really helped for my DS to understand what was going to happen when. Perhaps she is building up a fear of the unknown, hearing so much talk about this mysterious school place.

Thanks Mrsb

I've been noticing a pattern in dd recently. She claims enthusiastically to want to do things then can't do them at all such as ballet (had to give up after 3 weeks), mushrooms (insisted I cook them for her, claimed to love them tried one and that was that) - and now she claims she really wants to go to preschool

She's really being pulled in two - wanting to do things and try things but when it actually comes to it being too scared or easily put off!