Can someone give me some pointers on dealing with "tantrums"

[LuckySalem]

1 year old DD has started to arch her back and scream whenever I do something she doesn't like (put her shoes on/take away a toy/carry her up the stairs when she'd rather climb etc etc)

I don't know how to deal with it... so far I've just carried on with what i'm doing and ignored her BUT she did it when I tried to get her in her pushchair in town today and I couldn't get her back in her pushchair without forcing her (which prob looked really mean to an outsider) It was embarassing but that's not the reason I'm asking, I'm asking cos I want to deal with it now not when it gets worse)

Thanks all

Stay calm. Distract. Ignore. And lastly time out if they are old enough, at around 2 years old I would say.

Ride the storm! The book Toddler Taming is very pragmatic about how to deal with toddler tantrums.

Good luck.

So what ever happens I dont shout at her at her age then.

I was wondering whether it would be best to just put her on the floor and ignore it but that's not really practical in a public situation.

Do you warn her ahead of time about what you're going to do? If you're going to put her shoes on, for example "we're going to put your shoes on in a minute, so that we can go to the shops, and we can see/do (insert thing that interests her/she likes)". Then do it again. And again.

Into pushchair - before you do it, try getting down to her level "Now, we're going to get you into your pushchair because we have to go quickly to the ... for (again, something which appeals to her. i don't mean a treat by this - maybe there's a shop display she likes to see, or a person she likes)." Repeat, with low, calm voice a couple of times, so she knows what's going to happen and has taken it in.

It's not foolproof, it doesn't always work, but it does deal with what Aitch called the "wtf-ness of being a toddler" - one minute you're chewing a book, happy as Larry, the next you're whisked off, and you don't really know why. They need a lot more briefing than adults.

When DD had tantrums, I would take her to her room and leave her there until she was done screaming.

I don't agree with the "ignore" advice, and personally think it's better to give the message that you are not interested in listening to her scream.

Don't stop doing what you need to do or she will VERY quickly learn that a tantrum gets results! (baaaaaaaaaad idea )

She's 1. You are stronger you can pick her up, you can sit her down, you can do what you need to do. Obv talk to her at same time "We have to put your shoes on because we are going out" or something.

If you can't bend her then tickle her, or blow into her face. That loosens 'em up long enough to strap them in.

Calm, quiet, nice. But firm. Leave no doubt that whatever it is that needs to be done WILL be done.

And accept that she will have tantrums and it won't kill her . Deep breath, count to 10, picture yourself with a large G&T...

"If you can't bend her grin then tickle her, or blow into her face. That loosens 'em up long enough to strap them in."

Haha genius

Ok thanks for these....

Will she really understand me if I say we're putting your shoes on to go to "whereever" though?

Thanks for the ways of how to bend her hecate

What if its cos i've taken something from her she can't have? - Like pistachio nut shells

Also don't be afraid to Apply the Knee in buggy/carseat situations

Sounds worse than it is - I even saw St Tanya Apply the Knee on Tearaways once

Agree with the others - a running commentary on what happens next is a useful tool.

I still give mine a 5- and 2- minute warning before an activity is to end eg leaving park/getting out of the pool.

The Toddler Taming book is v good - ignore the bit about smacking, the rest of it is marvellous

distraction with something she can have.

I think most of us have used the 'knee' approach to getting children in buggies and car seats at some point. Distraction is great if you can get it to work. Speak softly so she has to shut up to hear you. Once you shout, or lose your temper she has won (I know, my DD wins all the time ).

Ok I can agree with most of these but speaking softly so she shuts up DOES NOT work. I've tried it and she just screams louder

LOL @ THIS IS NOT MY MUMMY. I can just imagine DD doing this when she's older.

I do think most of it is due to her being tired etc but she won't sleep in the day lately so I'm not sure how to fix that one yet - I'm working on it.

Yes, she can understand more than you realise - I remember being stunned by dd responding to "are you tired?" by rubbing her eyes, at a surprisingly young age.

The advance warning is a habit worth getting into anyway, but I was amazed at how well it worked - it was a tip from my mum, who had 40+ years as a nursery nurse - I was sceptical, but she was right.

Ok well will definatly try anything as I dont want it to get worse.

She had a little tantrum while in her highchair this evening cos I didn't get her out quick enough so I stopped and let her winge then took her out and gave her a hug... I kinda hoped I was re-inforcing the fact that she'd stopped paddying!

Hi again,

I've been trying these things but she's getting worse.

I'm at my biting point now and have shouted at her twice today cos she's physically hurting my ears with her pitch.

Any other ideas anyone?

Remember that it will pass. It is a phase. My ds had periods where he was very stroppy and calm periods too.

Also don't take it personally! They all do it at some point!

Ok I know it will pass and dont take it personally but i've had such a crap day with A either arching her back while tantruming or screaming the place down or pulling my trousers down while trying to climb my leg.

I'm feeling like rubbish mummy today and need some help on how to deal with this cos I dont think anything I do works.

Sorry, new here (not sure where to introduce myself?).

Anyway... DD is still like this at times (she is 2,5 now). We often have to do the knee thing, tho, verbal distraction often works.

I find keeping something in my bag to amuse her/redirect her helps. If it doesn't I end up doing the school run with her screaming at me. So be it.

At that age lots of reasoning goes over their heads (according to the right start mag... ;-) ), and this can be true till past school age.

So get down to her level and try and soothe her, if that doesn't work, let her scream for a bit, sometimes they need to let it all out (imo).

I tend to try to prempt things, but that isn't always possible... even with countdowns DD will sometimes take it into her head to run away/scream/kick/bite when I am trying to go and collect my son! So she ends up without a coat and prized into her buggy... When she has calmed down we sort her out. Until they calm, they tend not to be reasonable!! ;-)

HTH

Now to figure out how to use this place.

mrs - you'll love this place and thanks for the pointers. I think i'll have to try some of this. We do leave her to scream but she normally just follows me around the room/house screaming mummmm at me.

Thanks for that LS.

The following you round thing can be sooo vexing can't it, esp you can't instantly pick them up!! I usually try to stop what I am doing, give the attention she desires, and then show her what I am doing! Doesn't always work... My children are ganging up on me today!! ;-)

Lucky - great thread. Thanks.

If you're having a bad day, just think of my poor friend with her 2.5 year old, who screams, 'Owwww, i'ts broken! My leg is broken! Ow!' whenever she tantrums outside the house. It makes me laugh every time.

I was going to post a thread like this myself today.
My dd is about 18 months old and has started the tantrums. I generally ignore or lie her on the floor and say "go on kick your legs" - which sort of takes the steam out of it a bit. But she has also started throwing things. If in her high chair everything is thrown or swiped or bashed off the tray (including full plates of food). If not in the chair but eating she will take the food out of her mouth and throw that. Or reach for anything around to throw (nearly threw a stone through the TV the other night). They are terrific tantrum and I really don't know how to deal with it.

When she was calmly throwing her food off the tray (as opposed to tantruming) I've told her no throwing but she just completely ignores me. I raised my voice (no good) was very stern (still no good), tried looking angry, told her she was naughty, (sheesh) even tried gently slapping her hand (felt terrible afterward and it did no good). Any ideas anyone? How do you disipline and how do you deal with the destructive tantrums? (Is 18 months too young for a naughty step)?