TV in Bedroom

[goldencompass]

At the weekend our 3 year old daughter gets into bed with us in the morning and watches a DVD, this has now turned into wanting to watch a DVD at night before she goes to sleep. Sometimes when we just want some time together we let her get into our bed and most times she drops off to sleep and we put her back in her own bed. I don't like the idea of her having her own TV in her room at such a young age, but maybe it will help her like her bedroom and her own bed again, as now she says her bed is too fluffy and mummy and daddys bed is just right - just because she gets to watch the TV. I would love to know what experiences you have with letting your children watch TV before bedtime and whether they have a TV in their room or not.

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Hello and welcome to MN

I don't have a TV in my childrens rooms, nor do I let them watch TV in our bedroom before bed! Maybe a compromise would be some snuggly time on teh sofa with you, after her baththen bed? T

Can´t believe this is a serious question. If it was a serious question I would say tell your DD that she can´t watch TV in your bedroom anymore. What´s wrong with a bedtime story?

DC do not have tv's in their room and will only get access to that when much older ( are 3 & 4)
DC do however climb into our bed in the morning and pop the TV on, gives us more dozing time.

I have quite a stringent bedtime routine, tea, bath(or wash) pj's milk with cbeebies on, teeth, toilet, story, sleep

It works for us and is not time constrained but they do know the order of things so do not ask to do anything else iyswim

Get into a good routine of bath, cuddle + story in her bed, and then she goes to sleep in her bed.

Don't forget, you can always use the NO word

Problem is not getting the TV into the bedroom but rather the TV out the bedroom...

I don't have links so this might be all heresay, but there was some research that said that children shouldn't use TV/DVD players to fall asleep as it encourages bad sleeping habits ... could be v wrong on that count ..

We do have a bedtime routine i.e. tea, playtime, bath, story and bed and yes she does go to sleep but it lasts for an hour, 2 at the most and then she wakes up wanting to go into our bed. Some nights I stick to my guns and other nights I know I give in and let her watch telly.

Sachertorte - must say I am a little disappointed in your response, this is my first experience of MN and the majority of responses so far have been positive and non judgemental, sad to see that you were quick to get up on your high horse, oh what it must feel like to be the perfect parent!!!

Message withdrawn

My children are 10 and 13 and I won't allow a t.v. in the bedroom for various reasons.

Maybe take the t.v. out of your bedroom to get the message over that bedrooms are for sleeping not entertainment?

I think the t.v. is a red herring though, it's you she wants, and your company, and you could make her bedroom paradise but it wouldn't make any difference.

It's up to you whether she is allowed in with you or not though, as other posters have said you can choose to say No. Or maybe let her in and enjoy it?

Message withdrawn

I´m not on my high horse and far from being a perfect parent. I genuinely do not understand why a 3 year old would be watching TV as part of bedtime routine or why you would even consider putting a TV in a 3 year olds room! But TV is not the real issue is it, as others have said.

Sorry for introducing you to a more robust response, Mumsnet can be a nice place to be but is also something of a lion´s den ; ) No harm intended...

i would stop the tv in your bed thing altogether, she's already disturbing your evenings, if it is already getting drawn out.

I would stop the TV in your bed. Dd has watched tv with us/me in bed in the mornings but recently I just stopped putting it on and she's happy just to snuggle. That works better as then I can put the TV on while I shower without feeling we've already had enough TV.

Our bedtime routine has rencently gone a bit haywire and she is taking much, much longer to settle - which may be the same for you. I read for 30-40 mins, lights down and 'talking story' for another 10-15, then she has 30 mins of story tapes or CDs, then if still awake (by now it's after 9 and she usually is ) she can have music. She just needs a really slow wind down. If we don't use these props she will wail and yell for us and it is awful.

I recommend replacing the TV with reading then tapes and CDs. You can get a ton of them really cheaply in charity shops or other second-hand. Don't know what I'd do without them.

I have a tv in my room, my dc's watch it - in the morning when I don't want to wake up and sometimes after their bath and before stories if we are running early. ds1 (6y) and I also watch a film on it at the weekend as that is where the freeview+ player is.
But if I don't want them to watch it I say no - end of.

Neither of mine (6 and 3) have a tv in their rooms, and probably won't until they are teens at the earliest (I have one at 14).

I would look judgingly at someone who put a tv in their 3yo's room.

Hi golden compass

I'm sorry you picked a touchy subject for your first post

I'm not a fan of tvs in kids bedrooms but know lots of people who are and my dd thinks its incredibly unfair she has't to wait until she 13
But my kids do have a cd player and they are allowed a cd on before they go to sleep

I'm sure I've heard of a study which showed a correlation between tv's in bedrooms and childhood obesity...

Mine can have one in their bedrooms when they rent/buy their own place!

Hi there Goldencompass - welcome to mumsnet

I wonder - when she wakes and comes through, do you stay with her in your bed and it is the company she enjoys or do you think it is solely the tv? Possibly both perhaps!

I understand how easy it is to fall into routines that are less than perfect, when you are tired at night it is even more tempting to "give in" sometimes and make for a non consistent pattern.
I would strongly advise you work towards breaking this particular cycle though. TV is a stimulus and will help to keep her awake longer than if she were settled back down with a darkened room and five minutes of you reading a story in a low quiet voice.
Personally, if I were in your shoes I would immediately try 2 simple new rules:

1. no tv after tea time 2) once in her own bed and settled down, she stays in her own bed.

You might find you end up spending a few nights picking her up and taking her back, spending time settling her down etc but the end goal is really worth it.

I am not trying to preach - I have learnt the hard way, believe me. I did a far better job with DD2 than DD1 and really learnt from my mistakes
Despite the awful times trying to stick to my guns, I can now see it is worth it. We have gone from restless night?s sleep with DD1 in and out of our bed like a yoyo, to both girls happily falling asleep alone after a proper routine, no fuss, all asleep by 7.30pm (7 and 5 yrs). Not easy but worth it.

I know you say you have a routine - but perhaps worth taking a peak at her overall pattern? eg - does she still have an afternoon nap - is it time to drop it which might make her more sleepy and fall soundly at night? After dinner is there any more you can do to keep her quiet, relaxed and winding down ready for bed? low lighting, zero tv after dinner, bathtime routine, story in low lighting without dramatic overly exciting actions etc..

I have waffled on long enough

Oh - and agree with Acinonyx idea about music over tv. Obviously careful which you pick and would stick to no words music myself - relaxation CDs are fab for kids at bedtime. I have a rainforest one and calms mine right down if had a particularly fraught day - they shut up and listen out for the bird calls and waterfalls, soon drift off!

age 3 is a good age to turn bad habits around without too much trauma
try the tough love approach, story in her room before bed, pick her favourite story
be firm, don't go back on it and after a week or so she'll get the message you mean business

You are the adult!

If you want her to stay in her own bedroom, tell her so and them follow it through.

Be consistent.

She might not like it but tbh that is tough.

DD (5.9) does not have a tv in her room and will not do until she can buy her own and contribute to the license fee

IMO tv at bedtime is not a good habit to get into and does not promote good sleep. They just conk out without switching off rather than learn to wind down mentally to prepare for sleep.

ds (14) has a tv in his room, and an x-box (arghh, bad parent emoticon )

however, dd has asked and we have said no.. i think when she is about 11 i may allow her to have a tv in her room though. like some of the other posters she has music (mp3 player) to listen to.

so i suppose, i am not totally against tv's in bedrooms (dh and i don't have one though!) but on the other hand 3 does seem rather young.. i think to avoid a rod for your own back and poor sleep habits, it would be best for your little girl to be able to fall asleep without the aid of tv (and to stay asleep in her own bed)

also agree that you need to be consistent with either letting her or not letting her into your bed.

welcome to mumsnet

Agree - drop the TV at bedtime, go for stories instead. And I really would never go for TV in bedroom - here are some research links which may be of interest:

obesity

another

exams

We have just in the last few weeks put a tv which can only play dvds in the room my 2 older ds share. They are 6 and 9. They are allowed to put it on in the mornings, quietly, on the weekend. They are allowed to watch a dvd in bed as a treat on a friday or saturday night. We have only just allowed them to have this and would not have entertained the idea when they were younger.
Tv as a prop to go to sleep is a big no no. Story cds or gentle music would be much better.

my sisters kids have a tv/dvd player in their room (age 4, 5 and 9 - all in one room). They used it as part of bedtime from fairly early on e.g. her youngest would regularly go to sleep watching teletubbies, etc. She probably thinks I am a bit strange as my dd (4) doesnt have one in her room and I am not looking to get her one either in the near future (ds is only 2 so nowhere near that stage). DH and I have a tv in our room but it is only used on bath nights (every other night) where they get to watch a bit of a dvd while they get dried and into their pj's. I dont have it on in the morning even though ds regularly asks to watch pingu or sooty when he is brought through - he gets told 'no'!!

There are many threads on this if you do a search.

Please, please don't get a three year old a TV for her bedroom and introduce a lovely bedtime story in her room as her cue to a nice sleep in her room. If she makes a fuss, just keep putting her back to bed. She'll get over it eventually.

Welcome to Mumsnet by the way! You have opened on a very contentious subject!

Wow, maybe I should have opened my mumsnet experience with a less contentious issue, but thank you all for your comments. Last night we followed the routine that somehow we managed to slip out of. A bit of telly before tea, then telly off and through to the dining room, no telly after tea but stories and songs, then off for a bath, storytime again in bed and then sleep. There were 3 episodes of getting out of bed and one extreme tantrum but we stayed in her room and she eventually drifted off at 9pm and woke up at 8am this morning.

Now it is up to us to apply consistency and from what a lot of you have said it is this that will make bedtime easier going forward.

Message understood loud and clear, no more telly after teatime - gotcha

Thought you weren't going to come back, good for you hope you enjoy your free evenings with dh