PND or exhuastion ?

[beaufies]

I have a 3 month old baby who is driving me round the bend and I honestly don't think I can cope any longer. I don't have any local family or close friends. DH does what he can but baby care is largely down to me.

DS has been breast fed with formula top ups since birth but for the last four days has refused a bottle. This is the second time he has done this in a month (last time he gradually came back to accepting the bottle after about 3 days). Consequently he wants to feed from me every hour or so, but there is not enough to satisfy him, so he can't sleep, so he cries....

The best nights sleep I have had since he was born is with two wake ups, the worst - 2 hourly feeding. I'm so tired I can't raise the energy to read a book let alone do anything else that I used to enjoy. But then I don't have time as DS is either crying, or needing entertaining which is such hard work. I'm truly sick of it and am longing for my old life. I can see NO benefits at all to this one

I can't go on like this. What can I do ?

You sound exhausted .

I wish I had advice...where are you area wise?

I know its hard to beleive, but this period will get better. Have you been out to any baby and toddler groups, to get out and get some air and some other company, and maybe to hear that you are not alone? I promise you, you are not.

Poor old you....

Grit your teeth and go out. Find a baby group locally - go to NCT coffee mornings. Speak to your HV about local facilities (find the children's centre/ymca/sports centre - anything! Any baby massage classes?

Staying in alone is just the pits and will soon sap you of any positivity you have left. If you wait until you feel up to going out you may never get there.

And also how about going to bed together during the day so you and he can relax and doze in bed for some time.

Things will get better. Don't jump to conclusions about pnd - you may well be depressed so go and see your GP? It won't make it worse to go and discuss it.

Good luck.

I remember that feeling of tiredness so well.

I would be very happy to help you if I can. I could hold baby while you slept?

Where abouts are you?

you need a break. can dh take a week off? then you could concentrate on bfing and sleeping and leave dh to run house.

also go to health visitor, and just chat through with her. maybe a homestart volunteer would be of use - hv will be able to refer.

I was where you are 6 weeks ago but had two other dcs as well. nothing was certain and i never knew from day to day how much sleep i'd be able to squeeze in. then 5 weeks ago ds started falling asleep at 10pm and waking at 530. I've been able to regain some energy and get out and about without looking like death warmed up.

I am wondering the same thing atm. I am exhausted. I echo what pavlov says about gettign fresh air. I found it quite difficult to get up in the mornings, as ds sleeps so terribly and I just don't have any energy. But making yourself get up and face the day is a help, though it may be the last thing you want to do- just an example, but dd is going to the doctors tomorrow and I took the earliest appointment they had (9am) so that I knew I'd have to get up and be ready. It helps me to get in the right mindset for the day if I am up and dressed and out of the house. But there is no need to do this every day. Your ds is only 3 months old- be kind to yourself. If you don't want to go out, let yourself stay in and be in your pj's for one day a week, he's too little to notice or care But of you do think you may be depressed, don't let it go unchecked- go and have a word with the GP, or go to a local baby group. Ours is affiliated with Homestart who do fab things, and I believe will offer a volunteer to come and help you if you need them. It does get better, though it doesn't seem it ever will when you're in the thick of it.

I was in a very similar situation to you a few months ago, and I took myself off to the doctors. I'm very glad I did and they've been helpful. In my case there turned out to be a physical ailment underlying (hypothyroidism - very common post pregnancy) but I was also depressed. I felt like I had ceased to exist beyond looking after the baby.

You could do with some support. Is your health visitor any good, could you talk to her about it? The first few months are very difficult and it does get loads easier believe me, but your post sounds like you may be depressed and you should definitely get your self checked out.

Regarding the feeding, they have a big growth spurt at 3 months so this could be why he is feeding so much. Why do you think you don't have enough breast milk?

Thnaks for your messages, your advice and support.

I do go out to two baby type classes a week, both in the mornings and am usually up by about 8.30am. I also go out one evening a week ususally but am too tired at the moment. It has become a chore rather than a pleasure

Sadly my HV is very unapproachable, always too busy and next to useless so that's not a route open to me. Also, DH already takes care of all things domestic - washing, ironing, paying a cleaner. All I have to do is look after DS, look after myself, do a weekly online grocery shop and cook the evening meal. It really shouldn't be so hard should it ? It's just being at DS beck and call 24/7 for 14 weeks with no end in sight (and my mother telling me that from 6 weeks he shoud have been sleeping through the night and implying that I must be doing something wrong)is soooo draining.

He did take a couple of small bottles from DH yesterday evening and went to sleep at 11 but then woke in the night at 2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 when I finally gave in and got up. I don't feel too bad at the moment (he's sleeping) but I know that if he's miserable and high maintenenace all afternoon and into the evening, I will be at my wits end again. This is what makes me think it's probably exhuastion rather than PND as my feelings and tolerance change according to how tired I am.

I do feel as though I am the only person in the world having a bad time as everyone I know (family and friends) have found it a breeze and had their babies sleeping through the night by 8 weeks and other than a small blip here and there no stress at all. It brings me to conclude that I must be doing it all wrong But I'm doing the best I can, the only way I know and despite everything DS is thriving, it's just me whose not !

They are either lying or just lucky!

Mine didn't sleep through until 6-7 months and I was still feeding them once a night up to then.

Motherhood can be a lonely time if you feel that everyone else has it easy. Maybe they are feeling just like you, but hide it well?

Nothing is as hard as motherhood.

If your ds is thriving, you're doing everything right! Noone prepares you for how difficult it is.

It may well just be exhaustion. On the other hand, it could be something else. Once I got treatment, I could clearly see the difference between 'normal' extreme tiredness (only to be expected when looking after a baby who wakes up 5 times a night) and the horrible, leaden, bone tired feeling of being totally drained of energy.

All I'm saying is if it carries on, don't sit there thinking 'this is normal' because it may not be. And treatment can help enormously.

When dd was 3 months I was thinking 'what the bloody hell have I done?' but now (8 months) it's brilliant and I'm really enjoying her. Hope things get easier for you soon.

can i recommend homestart
i had a lady when my ds was 7 months
i had very bad pnd
she means the world to me
i thankgod she helped me
take care xx

I'm with raspberryblower - nothing can prepare you for how hard it is. But it will pass. Dont listen to what anyone says about 'how it should be', every baby is different. Sleep when he sleeps in the day. Try to enjoy the night feeds, they wont last forever. I remember thinking how much more can dd drink, it was 2 hourly for 4 months and then I put her on a bottle.

If you have a nice doc, have a chat, thay have a list of q's to determine PND so shouldnt automatically stick you on AD's.

My dd was born around the same time as you. In another couple of months you'll be at the park with a fab little toddler.

Can you cook enough one night for two meals, so you can have an evening off? I'm sure DH wont mind heating up a dinner every couple of nights. Or if you are feeling up to it, make bigger batches and freeze some for next week etc.

Where are you?

agree with others: they are lying. It is unbelievably hard, I used to compare it to a love affair with a Taliban chief: you love the person and are committed to them but they won't let you out of the house or do anything!

Could you try to get your milk supply up? then the baby might get more satisfied and go longer between feeds. I found resting helped, plus really making sure I was eating and drinking well throughout the day (which is not easy with a small baby I know as you go feral and just grab handfuls of stuff out of the fridge). I also found small glasses of stout really did get the milk going. Also massaging boobs, having hot showers and imagining lots of milk building up etc helped. I appreciate that the more tired you are, the less milk etc. but it's worth a try. Also, does he fall asleep during feeds? then you can try the old opening the window, tickling soles of feet and hands technique to get him to take that bit more.

IME 3 months is the time when you think they should be going longer and everyone tells you annoying stories (anything told to you by your mother or mother in law can be immediately discounted as the rose tinted granny goggles), but they aren't quite going longer yet. My DS did finally go longer at 4 months, by which time I was at my wits' end.

Also, this is probably the last thing you feel like but any way you can take a bit of exercise every day, just walk round the block, Scouts pace or a mini jog? This saved my sanity to some extent. even 10 mins on your own in the fresh air brings your sense of perspective back.

hope you feel better soon and remember it will get better, and this time is only temporary, honest!

Maybe hearing your mum say he should be "sleeping through" is making all this worse?

You said "went to sleep at 11 but then woke in the night at 2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9..."

Sadly IMO that is waking twice - 2am and 5 am which is REALLY good for a baby as little as him!

The 6,7,8 & 9 feeds were just dozing snuggly feeds not part of a broken night!

Just as tiring but if you know your day starts at 6am then 3 hours (6-9am)resting in bed feeding hourly looks more like a "lie in" than a sleep problem like your mother seems to be suggesting?

(I'm a glass half full person - you might have spotted that )

Lots of good advice here. Just wanted to add my sympathies, as I remember feeling like this when my first child was around this age - totally sleep deprived and miserable. I know (I know) it's not what you want to hear right now, but it will get better.

Sending you lots of positive energy and hugs x