Can anyone please please give us some advice?? 5 year old torn between 2 parents and having real trouble....

[QueenofVenus]

He has a great relationship with his dad, and his dad has fought long and hard to gain joint custody, but he has a very tense relationship with his mother and her boyfriend who displays alot of anger towards him, and refers to him as the "little f*ker" or the "little sht". Understandably this little boy is very frustrated at having to go back to his mum every week, and displays ALOT of anger and frustration himself. His dad is very anxious and upset at how much his ds is suffering, and finds it hard to help his ds understand whats happening. What is the best thing for my df to do? Is there anything he can do? Where can he go for help???? TIA xxxxx

i dont know if anything is going on there but i would get in touch with social sevices. im not saying this is the same thing or that its happening but we have to becarefull as this sounds simiula to baby p please dont get angery with me suggesting it but you can never be to carefull ..

Is it the mother or the mother's boyfriend that refers to the wee soul like that?

presumably this has all been gone through with the joint custody? is the dad speaking to legals about full custody or trying to sort out and settle the exisitng arrangements? how long has the current agreement been in place? are things settling down or getting worse?

when you say 'refers to him' do you mean in his hearing or not? not sure if df suspects any other forms of abuse?

when you say 'understand what's happening' do you mean generally in terms of his parents splitting up and the whole joint custody issue, or in terms of the ds's relationship with the mother's partner?

what is the relationship like between the mother and your df? do they still talk?

I would suggest the dad tries tro get residency.

Poor child. Wht can not the mother put the child first?

In his position I'd go for full custody. The boyfriend sounds worrying.

Its my partners son, he spent ALOT of time and money gaining the joint custody that he has now. His ex wife is very very bitter towards him, and her boyfriend is, a rude violent nutcase, who has was on bail for GBH just before xmas!! DP is worried sick, when he was in court going for joint custody the cafcas (sp???) report was damning for her, stateing she consistently showed emotional abuse towards dp's ds, and that she showed great lack of respect for the law, and the courts rulings. Even if dp is 10 minutes late returning his ds to his ex, she calls the police and her bf meets him at the front door f'ing and hurling abuse at dp AND his ds!!!! and she just stands there watching. If he's there on time she just opens the front door and walks away for him to let himself in ffs!! - he's only 5!! Dp get upset, he truly dotes on his ds, and he gets on very very well with my 3. Its hard knowing what he's going back too!! Dp is very worried the his ex's bf does anything other then call him little sht or little f*ker (that is within his earshot too btw as neighbours have confirmed). He is not my son, but im worried, he is a lovely caring kind little boy, and im scared that this 'input' he receives at his mums is going to be very detrimental in the long term, he already displays alot of inner anger and frustration!! Dp says he cant afford to go back to court anymore - to gain joint custody cost him almost £7000!! he's finding it very very hard

Oh thats awfully sad QoV. Is there anything that social work involvement might help with? . I'm sorry I don't have any practical advice for you but it def sounds as if the poor wee fella might be better off with you and his daddy!

Was this guy on the scene when your partner was awarded joint custody?
Am just wondering (assuming he wasn't) that now he's in the picture, with the neighbours having witnessed what amounts to verbal abuse and his GBH charge (I assume he lives with your man's ex-p), it would probably be considerably quicker and more straightforward (and therefore cheaper) to pursue full custody now, if that's what you want - especially with the CAFCASS report being negative about his ex as well.

Would you not qualify for any sort of legal aid? I would seriously consider involving social services TBH - it's definitely abuse, albeit not physical (yet?). It won't be nice in the short term, but if it gives him a better future in the long term it's got to be worth it.

There's a guy on the step-parent threads who offers really good advice on self-representing at residence hearings, and appointing a free Mackenzie Friend - yerblurt, I think he's called? He succeeded in gaining residence, I seem to remember. That might be a cost effective route. This poor little boy needs something done. Good luck.