6 year old fussy eater - it's becoming embarrassing and driving me up the wall. Any ideas?

[mum23monkeys]

My 6 1/2 year old ds is getting fussier and fussier about what he eats.He's never been easy to feed but over hte last year or so has narrowed what he is prepared to eat.

He's being invited to play with friends more and more which I think is great. He moved school this year (in Year 2) and I really want to encourage him to make friends, but when the mum's ask me what he eats, it gets difficult. I can't even say that he likes sausages for example, because there are only about 3 brands of sausages he will tolerate. I went ot pick him up on Friday from a friend and he was sitting at the table having not touched a mouthful of the food. It was chicken, rice and carrots. How can he object to that? Particularly as I know he likes all 3 things! But not the way this mum had done, obviously.

He's not rude, not trying to make a point, he just says he doesn't like it, and won't eat.

I would be tempted just to leave him hungry if he doesn't eat what's put infront of him, but he's not fabulously healthy and is very skinny at the best of times. I don't want to starve him. Neither do I want to cook separately for him, I believe strongly in food being a social family affair, and we all eat together. But at the moment, we all eat the miniscule variety of things he likes.

Does anyone else have a fussy eater? What do you do? I'm trying to be relaxed about it as I don't want to cause any long term issues about food, but it's driving me demented (particularly as his younger brother and sister will eat anything put infront of them)

Any books you can recommend? Anything? Help, before I go made and throw a perfectly edible sausage at him!!

I can understand how this would drive you crazy.

Is it possible just to carry on and if he doesn't it, well, ignore it?

And not let him go to friends' houses for meals. To play, yes but not for meals. If you explain that he's fussy and that it's easier if he just eats at home, I'm sure they'll understand.

Would he just go without food until he got ill, do you think?

It's getting easier in our house as our DS (7) is growing older (and therefore up).

What's (kind of) working for us:-

• Eating together and making a point of them having whatever we're having (or near enough) and NOT purely their "kind of food".

• Putting some dishes on the table for them to serve themselves veg/gravy etc

• I alternate days of food which I think he'll tuck into and food which may present problems (therefore giving me a bit less worry about weight/health issues).

• Don't forget to keep giving them the food they do like regularly so they don't have chance to go off it!

• Be careful how you answer, "EUGH, What's that?" - don't jump in with the name of a new dish - prepare them by listing the ingredients in it, which they like (and maybe omit to mention any invisible ones they don't!)

• When it does kick off, we clearly state what's expected and don't make a fuss. "Eat x amount in x minutes or go to bed". End of.

HTH

Oh, and we insist they at least TRY new things; if they genuinely hate it, they're not forced to eat it. We, the grown-ups, set an example by continuing to try things we don't really like, too. The kids love that, and seem more willing to reciprocate.

Have you tried letting him help prepare the food?

My ds prepares his own pizza for instance. Decorates them with all sorts of things.

Ask him to help you make a sauce, or custard, or cakes, or jacket potatoes. Get him to grate some cheese. Even if he won't try them this time, he might do if he helps you again.

definitely involving them in food preparation makes them keener to try it. for example i reckon i could put anything in a pie and dd1 would try it if she'd made and rolled out the pastry

Could the whole family take it in turns to choose what's for dinner? That could:

a) Show him he's not in control
b) Be fairer on everybody else
c) Make him try different meals.

He won't starve himself; please try not to worry.

The issue of not touching other people's food would bother me. I think I'd give him one more chance, with a warning that a repeat performance would result in a ban on going out for tea. It would be genuinely interesting to see if it made a difference.

Def second the make-your-own pizza!

I have a similar just 7 year old. I pick him up from parties an the worried parents tell me he's only eaten carrot sticks. He fills up on cereal when he gets home.

I have become better at not letting it stress me out as it was getting very difficult. His meals look very dull but that is his choice I guess.

The worst thing I find is going out for meals to restaurants - is a nightmare as he doens't eat pizza, only likes certain types of chips etc.

I just keep going by thinking that it won't last for ever.....

Just remembered, ds had a friend around for tea last year.

I did pizza bases and let them put on the toppings.

The friend said "I don't like cherry tomatoes" "I don't like ham" "I don't like pineapple" "I only want cheese"

Ok I say, put what you want on it. He put a bit of nearly everything on it, and ate it. His mother was quite shocked when I told her what he'd eaten. Whether it was because he was at a different house and he felt he had to eat it, or it actually gave him the little push to try something new, I don't know.

I sympathise, I have a fussy one too. Please don't be embarrassed - every child in the world has their foibles. If my son is going somewhere for tea, I always warn them that he won't eat much, but apart from that he is a model guest.

I spotted a book coming out soon about this so have pre-ordered it - have a look here

Thanks for the replies - some good ideas there. Some we already do, some we don't. He does help in a lot of food preparation at home, but it doesn't make much difference when it comes to eating it. He could chop mushrooms all day, but then not even let one touch the rest of his food or it all gets rejected.

I like the idea of giving him one more chance at friends' houses. He's going to play this Wednesday and I shall say that if he doesn't eat properly then when he next goes to a friend (and we already have the next date in the diary) then I will collect him before tea. I imagine that will have an impact!

He's not bad at eating my food, I think my style of cooking is familiar and less threatening (as if rice cooked by anyone else could possibly be scary!). I suppose the whole fussy eating thing is so alien to me. As a family we love food, good, healthy food. We all cook together, and the kitchen is the heart of our home.

I will also have a look at that book. It sounds just right - I need to get him to eat sociably, but don't want the battles. They won't help anyone.

Thanks for all your help