tantrums getting me very low

[bumbly]

feel so inadequate

hubby and i argueing too as a result

does anyone else feel low and angry after/once lo has a tanturm and sets the mood for day as a nightmare

i know it is not lo fault but when oyu have a screaming 18 month old and you are always alone and have no help and life sometimes it really gets to you

anyone else fele the same or am i the only one

Not really to be honest. I try and empathise with them as it must be frustrating being small and they can't really articulate their feelings. Sometimes I laugh because they look cute/it is funny. Sometimes I am just firm and ignore them but I don't really feel angry or low, no.

PS. Don't think you are the only one or should feel inadequate though, bless ya!

Please don't feel inadequate bumbly, it is all part of the rich pattern of a toddler, it is just farking hard on us Mums! Sometimes I want to ring my husband or mum or just cry, then I realise it is not logical to argue with a 21 month old and I need to rise above it. This sometimes entails me standing outside in the cold whilst I could to 200 and breathe deeply!

I try to sympathise but DD is hitting me all the time when she cannot get her own way and it is doing my swede in! I know, I know, move away and let her get on with it but somehow I get drawn into the 'don't hit' 'don't hot' argument when in fact if I just walked away she would not have the motivation to have the last word and would see that it was getting her zero attention. However, it is not that easy eh?

I feel I am a rubbish mum as she hits, so, how do you stop it? How do you stop tantrums? I don't think there is a magic wand to wave but sometimes I struggle to bring myself out of a bad mood when she is laughing and playing 2 minutes later!

blue - you couldn't have phrased it better

i too been struggling to get over it esp when lo then turns into angel - usually cuz dad turns up

and this weekend been upset both days and all ruined

Just wanted to sypathise. My DS has just started having full on tantrums and I feel at a loss with him and close to tears. I also feel it sets the mood for the day. I hate the looks I get when I drag him out by his arm kicking and screaming. (I am pg and not supposed to lift) I have been through this before with DD and I promise you it does pass but I know how difficult it is in the short term

thank you

yes the tantrums just seem to set th emood for the day and i can't fight it

as low and lonely adds to worsening feeling

any tips advice?

Bumbly - I know what you mean hun. My DH tells me to 'detach with love' and not allow her tantrums to affect the whole day but it is hard. DD is a real Mummy's girl, I have to do EVERYTHING at her insistence, however, when she does get me all to herself she can be very hard to love!

Perhaps try my doorstep thing? The moment i start having trouble with DD putting on clothes, nappy, coat etc I go outside where she cannot see me, just for a minute or perhaps a minute and a half if I am truly desperate. Usually by the time I return to the room she is so happy to see me the tension has gone and i feel much better.

We went to soft play today, I have avoided these for ages as she has been too young to understand the whole concept. What she cannot get yet is to get to the top of the slide and have fun we have to climb up. She just wants to climb up the slide bit, however, there are loads of kids hurtling down almost flattening us both so i have to grab her out of the way, try to avoid her flayling arms and sit her down alone and walk away where I can see her and know she is safe but let her know it is not acceptable.

The books say to hug them close until the tantrum has died down, however, I like to avoid the slaps I receive so I am really trying to go for the the 'No - don't hit Mummy', walk away and count then ask for an aplogy and a kiss. You would have thought after ten times of doing this duing a two hour session she might just have gotten the hang,..... but sadly no.

Bumbly, you have my total sympathies. You're really not alone in this.

It's awful. It's so hard. You feel like the child is in control of the day, your marriage and your home.

My DS has been raging for 2 years plus now (he's nearly four) - at least twice every day - and every weekend is strained, stressed and full of upset for everyone.

Of course, he's an angel at nursery or with relatives so nobody believes us how bad it can be.

We just can't handle it either. We've tried everything from talking to him, hugging, hugging him in a darkened room to calm him, ignoring, taking toys away, distracting.

When he's in a fury, it seems we cannot get through to him. And he is expert at divide and rule over DH and I. We're suckers for that and it's affecting our relationship.

One thing that did seem to work for a while was sitting him on the step "to think about what you're doing," but I think your LO is too young for that.

Sorry not to be more constructive.

I have a 'naughty front door mat' but by the time she has given me a face pat to say sorry (too young to articulate0 and a kiss she is off with the minxy fairies again!

Whatever you do you need to be consistent and agree with DH so that you can't be played off one against the other.
The tantrums are getting exactly what the DC wants-attention. Give zero attention when having a tantrum-make sure they are safe and ignore. Make sure that you give positive attention and play with them when they are pleasant.