Help - toddler getting increasingly stressed about poo

[LuLuBai]

My DD is 21 months old. We've been chatting about pee and poo for ages. She was telling me when she filled her nappy by 17 months, so I got potties and a potty seat for over the loo.

I never put any pressure on her to start using them, I just told her what I was doing when I went to the loo and popped her on the seat every so often (eg when I was running her bath).

Over Christmas she decided she wanted to use the potty seat and was very pleased when she managed to poo in the loo. Was obviously excited by the achievement and was cheering mummy and daddy when we did poos. I thought we were well on our way but then there were a few set backs:

1. We went away for New Year and she wouldn't go to the loo at service stations on the way there and back or at the house we stayed at. Got very distressed about holding it in and then eventually exploding into her nappy.

1. A few days later she had an accident in the bath. She absolutely freaked out about it. This has now developed into a fear of having a bath at all. She even works herself into a state if I have a bath (which I have been doing a lot to try and reassure her). She is convinced there are poos hidden and lurking around the bathtub and starts frantically pulling on masses of clothes the moment a bath starts running, as if to emphasise the fact that she is not getting in.

She is getting more and more worked up every day about the whole nappy thing. Ripping them off and asking to sit on the potty seat, howling for another one to be put on. She is on and off the potty seat all day long with tears rolling down her face and seldom any actual success. She then gets really upset if she poos in a nappy.

The only time she stops stressing is if she is totally distracted. I take her out to play somewhere fun (e.g. soft play), she runs around and forgets all about it. The other day at softplay she just came over and told me she'd filled her nappy. I changed it and she ran off happily to play again. But at home it is a full time fixation.

Any ideas what to do? I'm quite worried as I think she is holding it in for too long. When she does poo they are coming out the size, shape and solidity of raw new potatoes (sorry if TMI).

There is a lot going on for us at the moment. We are living at my mother's while building work is done, I'm heavily pregnant with number 2 etc etc so she may be stressed about other stuff too.

Any suggestions or similar experiences would be hugely gratefully received.

Thanks.

I'm not really sure what to suggest, but hopefully someone else will know. DS1 had a thing about poos, and refused to sit on the loo but used to hate doing them in his nappy. Then he started only being able to poo in his nappy under the dining room table and would get very anxious until he got under it. Then after a while he decided he would poo on the loo but only after he completed stripped off, as he was petrified about getting poo on his clothes - which meant a trip to the toilet could take a long, long time whilst he undressed and redressed.

I was at a complete loss, but in the end we didn't force it and just went with it although I times I got very frustrated. It will possibly just pass with time for your DD too - just try and keep really calm (if you can!) and not make an issue of it, and maybe suggest no baths for a while. If she's getting constipated that could be making it harder for her, so could you speak to your pharmacist or GP about something to soften the stools a bit?

Good luck

Thanks for reading my whole essay and getting back to me. I haven't pushed the bath thing (although I'm dying to wash her as she has felt-tipped all over her self. Toddlers - eh!)

DD is doing a lot of stripping off too. Interesting. It's hugely reassuring that your DS got through it all. I am finding the whole thing really torturous but trying to paint a smile on my face to reassure her that it is all fine.

Maybe a little diluted prune juice will help make the whole thing less painful.

If all else fails I will point her in the direction of the dining table .

I hope it goes well for you. DS1 is now 11, and we laugh about it now - albeit through gritted teeth on my part! DD had no real problems, thankfully, and it remains to be seen whether DS2 (also 21 mths) will go down the same road (or should that be under the same table?!) as his elder brother. I do hope not...

You're doing the right thing...repeat the parent mantra "it's just a phase" over and over and keep smiling

Thanks for the moral support paolosgirl. She seems to be getting slighly less panicky. Over the weekend she has started pooing in her nappies without creating red alert pandemonium about it. We are back at square one in terms of potty training, but at least she is not stressed and constipated.

Still haven't got her to have a bath though. Filthy child.