Maybe I'm being totally over protective...but I really don't think so. What do you think?

[TheGoddessBlossom]

My 4 year old DS plays with a boy at nursery - he is a recent addition to the nursery, been there a few months I think. They seem to get on very well.

Picking DS up yesterday, this boys mother was there, singled me out, very friendly and said "Oh you are H's mum, J would love H to come back and play, have tea, stay the night, bring a car seat, I'll collect them, pick him up Saturday morning ok?"

They live in a town half an hour away - I have never been to their house, met her before, or her husband, family or anyone else that might be in the house - DS has never stayed at anyone's house without me, aprart from friends he has known from birth.

I am not keen on the idea of him staying over night - perfectly happy to drop him off for tea and a play.

What do you lot think?

I wouldn't even consider my 4 yr old staying away for the night, no. Why don't you say that your DS isnt that keen on being away from yo at the moment and suggest a straightforward playdate instead? Or a meet-up in the park and lunch in a cafe, with you there, too? Will give you a chance to get to know the mum better, too, so you feel more confident about playdates in future.

Gosh, J's mother is very presumptuous .

Be firm and bright and say that you and DS will come over at X o'clock for an hour or so and you will stay with your DS as it is his first playdate at J's house.

FFS what is this obsession with toddler sleep overs? Dd was asking what a sleep over is the other day and she's only three .

I think I'd stick to meeting up at a soft play for starters TBH.

Sleep over for a four year old unless a very close friend or relative is ridculous IMO (and believe me I'll take any opportunity to palm my two off!!) So no not over protective at all

I wouldn't even vaguely consider it. I might consider DS (4) sleeping over with his best friend, who he's been at nursery with since they were about ten months old and whose family we know pretty well. But I'd have to give even that some careful thought (it seems to me that all it would add to a normal "going over to play" day would be two exhausted children the next morning, because I rate the chances that they'd sleep much at all as very slim, and having a tired and cranky DS dropped back the next morning does not appeal).

From someone I don't know (and DS doesn't know) at least that well? Not a snowball's chance in hell.

I don't think I'd allow it until I had at least been to the house myself and met the rest of the family. There's no reason for 4 year olds to have a sleep over, I'd be happy with a play thing after nursery and some tea but no way overnight with a perfect stranger.

You're not being over-protective at all. You're just NORMAL.
Drop him off for tea and a play. Has he been at anyone else's house for tea and a play? IF not, I would ask if it's okay if you stay with him, just to make sure he's all right.
Ask if you can save the sleepover for a later date (Until you can suss out what they're like).

You are not being over protective at all.

My DD who is now five used to stay at her friend's house when she was four. However, friend's house is three doors up from ours, we all know each other well and the kids have been in and out of each other houses since they were babies.

No way I'd want a child of mine to stay without me at an unknown house. In fact I probably would want to start with a short playdate during which I would expect to stay even if my child was a bit older than four.

other mum sounds a loon imo

Goodness, how forward?
DS1 is almost 5 and has never had anyone stay/stayed anywhere (except for family).
His closest friend at school is hopefully going to stay over soon, but I know him and his Mom very well anyway.
I don't blame you at all for feeling over protective. I wouldn't let DS1 go on a playdate even without knowing the family, let alone sleep over.
Go with Anna's suggestion.

Too young IMO. Both my dcs went on lots of playdates but at that age I'd only let them stay the night in a place they knew well. I'd feel sorry for the hosts having to deal with a hysterical 4-yo at 2 a.m.

yes. I thought she was being a bit weird. Spoke about it as if it were a total foregone conclusion!

That's wildly forward. And I'm foreign and famously forward myself.

Seriously, why the hell would anyone have a child over for a sleepover when they've never had them over before? Tea, a playdate, whatever, first, surely?

Exactly. You work up to it slowly.

Sleepover at 4? fine at close friends or family but not at a complete strangers house!!

I'd say yes to the playdate, but would drop him over myself so I knew exactly where he was, and say I'll be back at x'o'clock to get him.