Should I be wary of this man?

[Cheekster]

Not sure where I should have posted this, sorry if its in the wrong place.

This is a very tender issue so please be gentle with me.

Basically, a close family relative of mine has always been very friendly with children, perhaps too friendly IMO. Little things like hugging, kissing children who I dont think he is close enough to e.g. neighbours children. He also spends a lot of time playing with children on his street to the extent that he buys things e.g. water bombs, water guns etc to play with them. He knows all the names of the children in the street (which is a lot of children) etc But all the children love him!

But it has never really alarmed me TBH, just thought he was over friendly and loved children.

But recently what he has been saying has alarmed me. He mentioned that he shouted hello accross the street to a girl he knows and she ignored him. But a group of workmen saw what happened and he mentioned they might think he was a paedophile because she ignored him. He wont stop going on about it and has mentioned this on a number of occasions.
The other week he also mentioned an event when when a little boy on his street came over to his garden with no pants on and he told him he wouldnt play until he got dressed. He keeps going on and on about this too, he must have told me 4 times and Ive heard him telling others a lot too. It wouldnt concern me but he keeps going on and on about these 2 occasions?????

Also to add to this some of the neighbours on the street have become uneasy about him and have stopped their children from playing with him.

Anyway, my sister recently went on a child protection course due to her job and afterwards she spoke to me in confidence saying she is wary of this man. The course covered common traits and behaviour of paedophiles and he ticked every box. I cant stop thinking about this now.

He is a close relative, and would probably have contact with my ds - unsupervised too.

I hope Im overreacting and so is my sister. But would you be wary?

Sorry for the long story.

I'd be a bit wary and try not to let him have time alone with my children. A talk to the children about inappropriate behaviour and it's okay to tell wouldn't hurt either. I'm probably a horrible person but it's not normal for grown men to be that 'friendly' to children, or is it? Does he have some kind of learning difficulty maybe? No help am I? But I do think your instinct for these things can be quite useful.

no he doesnt have any special needs at all, would kind of understand his behaviour if he did.

I'd be a bit wary too, It's hard because you don't want to assume that someone who is nice, friendly and fun is automatically a risk BUT I would not be taking a chance with my child. As a mother, you are given an instinct, follow it. The fact that you are even asking for advice shows that you feel there is a strong possibility of inappropriate behaviour. You are in a difficult position if he is a relative, I was under 10 when my uncle started touching me and putting my hands on him, I'm 33 now and still haven't been able to tell any of my family! I don't know if he displayed any typical traits but I would not let any of my own DC near him, if there are any whole family events, I watch my kids and take them away from him if they or he gets too close. Find a way to make sure they are never unsupervised with him and don't rely on other family members to make sure that happens, people can be very complacent or may not take your concerns seriously.

Maybe he is perfectly fine but is worried people will think he is a potential abuser and that is why he is telling you?

Maybe he keeps saying these things as he's worried that is exactly what people think of him? He maybe worries about what people are saying about him because people DO have negative things to say about a man that actually LIKES children.

I think if the way he keeps on about these incidents is ringing alarm bells with you, then you have to act on that and be wary of him. Of course nothing you've described is any evidence at all, and it could all be perfectly innocent, but repeated protests about how people might misunderstand him would be ringing very big alarms for me too TBH, as it's a way of making it difficult for you (or anyone) to say something because he's already denied it IYSWIM. People who protest their innocence before they've even been accused can be doing it because they have a guilty conscience.

Awkward when he's a relative, but your first duty is to your child's safety, not to being polite to him.

This is all well and good, I feel sorry for him if he is genuinely ok and just likes kids and I may be cruel to assume the worst but what it comes down to is... are you prepared to take a chance??
Be careful how you handle it publicly, you don't want to start rumours. This kind of thing can ruin lives (if he is innocent)

In this situation I would say that instincts speak volumes. You were wary of him before, even more wary after speaking with him and now very wary after what your sister has said.

Tbh though, I've been on a child protection course too and there is no Paedophile Profile, there really isn't, so I'm not sure what your sister is on about. Perhaps she is using the course as an excuse to talk to you about her fears.

I really would go with your gut feelings. He will be reported by a parent sooner or later, you can bet your life on it, but for now give your kids a quick chat on safety and just keep your eye on him.