How to start - late talker who doesn't do bribes.

[DefNotYummyMummy]

My ds is 2.5 and he is only just starting to talk. His understanding is fine. I am a little unsure how to start potty training. He's quite a big boy and so seems quite awkward on a potty. He drives me nuts as every night without fail 99% of the time he'll have a poo just after we put him down. I can sit him on the loo and promise the world and he wont do anything. 3 seconds later he has had a poo in his nappy. I know I need to be patient, but he obviously knows what he is doing.
Where do I start ? In the Summer I was planning just to get him some pants he has chosen, throw away his nappies and open all the doors and see what happens. Is this the way to go about it ? Or do I just wait until he prompts me to use the loo ? I am worried as he will be the youngest in his class as he is a late august baby and obviously he has to be trained by then. I know it's a long time away, but time is going quickly and from what I read potty training can be a long process.

try not to panic - IME when they start late and are stubborn they tend to crack it surprisingly quickly, as when they do cooperate they are fully ready. and actually 2.5 isn't that late these days. If no progress, I would give it a go in summer the way you have suggested, see if it "clicks". Kids can be very funny about pooing on potty/toilet for some reason - so would focus on the wees first anyway.

My DS didn't even get started till 3.5 (mild SN) and was fine in plenty of time for schoo, so try not to panic.

btw DS didn't have much speech when he started to train - he would just take himself off to the loo at home/nursery when he needed to, or clutch at himself. When out and about, you just ask at regular intervals. So it is perfectly possible to train them before they can say "I need a wee!".

2.5 is early to average for a boy I think.

We have a lot in common (language, August-born) save that I'm exactly a year ahead of you and he still isn't trained. We sit on the loo twice a day just to practice it but have never managed more than a fart.

Total - have been thinking of you in relation to this as remembered your lo cracking it at 3.5. We are coming up to 3.5 now! When we wees in his pullups he says "DS2 getting wet" whilst it's happening which is a bit more progress I think. It just seems too cold to try it just now.... and DH and I are awful at dealing with accidents - it really stresses us and the boys out.

I'm also wondering when to try as dd (2.2) isn't talking yet but I think might be ready to have a go otherwise.

She sometimes sits on a potty at nursery and whe I got one at home she removed her nappy, sat on it and had a tantrum when I tried to get her into the bath. Had to put the potty away as ds was about to arrive and didn't want to be potty training with a new baby!

Am encouraged that language isn't absolutely necessary for success - might have a go when the weather improves in a couple of months.

That sounds very positive, like awareness is improving - but not as if he is ready right now - as of course he needs to be aware in the moment BEFORE he wees! Sympathies re:accidents - do you have laminate floor in any of your rooms, that has been a lifesaver.

thanks total you are always encouraging. Can you remember what the "stages" were with your DS before he cracked it? And where he was with language at the time? Was he in sentences then?

stage 1 - 3.0 - 3.4 - wanting a wet nappy off immediately

stage 2 - 3.4 - copying me on the toilet, but not actually produce

stage 3 - 3.5 - 3.6 - reliably producing wees on the toilet, relatively few accidents. So nappy free at home. would just toddle off to toilet as required

stage 4 3.7 ish - nappy free at nursery. could point to groin and say "wee!" to them. when out and about, I would have him nappy free once off public transport, at museum/zoo/toddler group etc. And would keep on asking - he could answer yes or no reasonably reliably to "do you need the toilet".

stage 5 3.10/3.11 - would poo on loo instead of nappy

It wasn't until stage 5 that he could actually say "I need the toilet".

We are at stage 2! And at 3.4. Could your DS have a word with my DS about stage 3 please?

He can say "mummy, do you want to go to the toilet?" (pronoun confusion is emerging but that's another topic!) so it's not the language that's the issue any more.

we went very quickly (within a month from stage 2 to stage 3) so fingers crossed - but not legs LOL

Thanks for all the posts. Glad to know that I am not alone. I shall try with gusto in the Summer. I think we may have a fight on our hands !

Forgot to ask - shall I still try with the loo or will it confuse him if he is still in nappies. He has produced 2 poos about 2 months ago (but it was obviously a one off) and a couple of wees, but he can be reluctant to sit in the loo (I do think it is cold). Also if he does a little wee by chance should I reward that ?

Do you reward everything ?

dammit a problem. DS2 is now frightened of toilets that are not ours. He was lovely in the supermarket today except for screaming in real fear when he thought I was going to put him on the toilet.

At least he doesn't start school till 5

yes, lots of rewards, chocolate is the answer to everything! definitely reward even sitting on the loo at first.

lingle - presumably you don't put him on the loo outside the house usually anyway, so he should be OK once he realises that you aren't going to do so?

No, I don't Total. I suppose I could point at them and say "that's not DS2's toilet" in my "what a silly idea!" voice that works on both my boys.
On a positive note, he was screaming: "I don't WANT to go to the toilet!". I was hugely impressed that he could do a full sentence whilst distressed (wouldn't have happened 6 weeks ago).