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Parenting

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Original poster

advice for a new mum

20 replies

pinkroses · 03/04/2005 01:14

Hi. I was chatting with a friend today who is gonna have her first baby in a few months and has read loads of books about the pregnancy...but nothing about the baby.

SHe asked me for advice about how a baby changes your life...and I wasn't sure how to answer her. My life has changed so much....my marriage is different, my sex life non-existant and most friends without babies has up and ran away. But, the main thing I found that changed was my mum and mil's attitude towards me.

So, can anyone think of anything I should tell her...both positive and negative. I think she would like to know what to expect form life with a baby.

Hope you can help.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

lucy5 · 03/04/2005 01:22

I think you can tell her all your experiences but she will never truly understand until she has done it. I always wish that someone had told me to make the most of being pregnant, relaxing, staying in bed, spending more time with dh and going for a wee alone whenever you want, hahaha, because you are never on your own again. Having said all that you could tell her that it was the best thing I ever did and i never knew that I could feel such overpowering love. Sorry not really very helpful.

KirstyG · 03/04/2005 03:16

MMmmm, this is a great topic. I am a new mum myself, Dylan is 17 days old. My advice would be:
Don't listen to any advice. According to 'someone' you will be doing it wrong. You can't please everyone all of the time.
Sleep as much as you can.
Do things the way you think, not your mum or mil or anything else - you will know what your child needs.
Love is immeasurable until you have a child of your own - now i really know the meaning of love.

Socci · 03/04/2005 03:23

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NotQuiteCockney · 03/04/2005 07:26

I always tell people, the first six weeks generally sucks. Ok, some mums really enjoy staring at their newborns, but lots of mums (including me) just find tiny babies annoying.

But I also tell them, the first six weeks ends, and things improve, and keep on improving.

saadia · 03/04/2005 08:00

I always tell people that of course there's the tiredness and boredom with routine, which is more than compensated for by the overwhelming love you have for the baby, and often a battle with family to do things your way, but for me, the biggest thing was the responsibility, all day, every day and for the rest of my life. I had a shock moment a few weeks after ds1 was born when I thought "OMG what have I done!!!" Now I have to worry for the rest of my life, about my kids, their happiness, their education and careers, their kids, the planet, society...It's not that I worry all the time but you do have the urge to want to protect them from any kind of pain and sadness.

Original poster

pinkroses · 03/04/2005 16:10

very true saadia. I was out with a friend a few weeks ago and she has a dd under 2. She allowed her wander off and put rubbish in a bin, which was out of sight!

I suppose I'm over-protective, but i wouldn't allow my dd to wander out of sight.

There are some great comments on this site. I may print it of for my friend to see...it won't just be my opinion then

OP posts:

Newbarnsleygirl · 03/04/2005 16:22

I would say to try and get to those Mother and baby classes or Post natal groups so that she can make some new friends who will be in the same boat as she. There was a thread on here the other day about it and it suprised me how many people had kept in touch.

Like others have said do what you feel is best for your child, don't let others persuade you or tell you to do other than what you feel is right.

If you feel that your getting stuck in a rut and sick of the routine of staying in, plan ahead and make some dates to get out the house. It's suprising how much better you feel for getting out of your own 4 walls.

Also just before the baby is born either buy some frozen ready meals or make some meals up to freeze because the last thing you or your patner will want to do is cook when you have a newborn. You'll just be able to get out a meal, stick it in the microwave and dinner will be served!

Final tip, if you don't have a microwave, get one!

Original poster

pinkroses · 03/04/2005 16:39

How true!! I wish I had been told that when I brought my baby home. I don't think I ate for a few weeks.

One thing that was a shock for me was using formula milk. Dd wouldn't breast feed{didn't like my milk} so dh bought formula milk, but it didn't occur to either of us that you had to make it up!!! That was an experience!

OP posts:

Newbarnsleygirl · 03/04/2005 16:45

That is another thing.

I was adament I would BF but luckily we got a steriliser and bottles and all the equipment for expressing. Anyway it turned out I couldn't BF and decided just before I came home we would bottle feed.

Thank goodness we had all the sterilising equip. The only thing we had to do was nip out for formula.
If you are bottle feeding I would familerise yourself on how to make the bottles up because it is a bit confusing at first and get your partner to make some up ready for your return from hospital, then you can put your feet up when you get back.

unicorn · 03/04/2005 18:04

No-one will ever have the same experience of bringing a child into the world.

All you can do is share what it was like for you.

You cannot possibly describe the complete life change it may be (for some)whereas for others it may not have made a blink of diference (allegedly).

Basically I don't there is much you can do to prepare - tis a baptism of fire!!!

colditzmum · 03/04/2005 18:09

If you have a partner, make him be involved. It is so easy, when there is a besotted new mother doing all the work, for men to feel un-needed, unwanted, and as if nothing has changed for them personally. A lot of involvment in the early days should lead to free time for mummy in later days.

Dahlia · 03/04/2005 18:42

Buy some dummies just in case. They were a godsend for us first time round and the only thing that would get dd1 back to sleep in the wee small hours.
Don't spend a fortune on lovely baby clothes. Mine lived in a babygro and cardigan for about the first three months at least. Much easier than faffing with fussy outfits and they look just as lovely.
Buy tons of bibs, preferably the pull over the head ones. Easier and quicker to put on.
Buy a stash of teabags, coffee, and biccies so you've got plenty for the hordes of visitors!

feebie · 13/04/2005 00:25

If anyone (apart from close friends who you share everything with) asks if baby is sleeping thru the night, say YES. You may have to tell white lies for a long time on this one (my dd didn't sleep thru the night until she was 17 months old!). Nobody can give you unwanted advice that way. Also, if a pro breastfeeder asks how it's going, say fine, no problems! If you are bottlefeeding tell them you're just supplementing with bottlefeeds or expressed milk etc.!

Bottom line, if you feel that someone is closing in with unwanted advice (for some reason, anyone who's had a baby feels they have the right to give advice to all mothers... sure, just look at me doing it now, just agree with what they're saying and/or pretend you're already doing it. Trust me, it'll save you a lot of aggravation. This advice should also be used with mothers and mil's.

SamN · 13/04/2005 00:52

The first six weeks are definitely very hard and you have to downgrade your expectations. I recently bought a booklet from the Association of Breastfeeding Mums and it's called 'Your Survival Plan'. Whether or not you're breastfeeding, I think it's a really good booklet. Full of tips like those below about getting out of the house and preparing meals etc. I read some of the parenting 'manuals' when I had ds1 and to be honest, this is far more down to earth and realistic.

I also agree with the posts below about following your own instincts - but it can be very hard. I know that I took ages before I actually felt confident enough to ignore what the health visitors were telling me.

On the more positive side, I really love my children and ultimately, my love for them comes before everything else. I could never understand those bits in films where people gave up everything for their kids, I thought it was a bit over sentimental. But now I understand completely and those bits make me cry

kama · 13/04/2005 01:06

This reply has been deleted

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kama · 13/04/2005 01:09

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bibiboo · 13/04/2005 07:57

I'd add:
get ready to suddenly dislike your MIL a lot more, find her even more interfering
and
prepare yourself for the emotion of it all, especially convincing yourself that everyone else thinks you're inadequate when they're offering to help you (again, MIL)

triceratops · 13/04/2005 08:25

If you are still howling for no particular reason after six weeks you need drugs.

And stock up on biscuits. You have no idea how many biscuits a breast feeding mum and a houseful of clucking visitors can get through in a week.

beansontoast · 13/04/2005 08:33

a hair dryer is better than a lullaby in the early days

dropinthe · 13/04/2005 08:38

Bibiboo-LOL-even three years later!!

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