Breastfeeding dd2, how do I make this as easy for dd1 as poss?

[treedelivery]

Ok, lots of background but easy request!

DD1 is 4 and a few months. And the typical 1st born adult orientated child. Very able to express herself verbally, bright and all the usual. She is also, in my view, just like me and therefore a sensitive child. Things worry her.

DD2 is expected anyday now. She has known since 6 weeks and is very excited, involved and has in fact organised all the baby clothes and knows all about breastfeeding and nappies etc. She talks to bump and has named it, so lots of positives.
As the birth has got nearer and I've got more huffy and puffy and tired and less fun, she has got more worried about me and stressed I'll be tired/in pain etc. She's wanted me to play with her more etc, which if I'm honest has been like pulling teeth for me. Oh the guilt! It has though, I've just been knackered this 3rd trimester.

We have gently tried put a bit of distance between dd1 and me. So dh puts her to bed 50/50, whereas she would prefer me 100%. DH has been made redundant so he's home 100% for plays and crafts etc.
I'll climb mountains to ensure she keeps feeling secure, but the only non-negotiable is the bf, which is how I feed.

All tips on making this feeding choice easier for her appreciated! For example, the reality of the newborn period flogging is that I won't be able to do bedtimes sometimes, I'd hate her to blame the new baby iyswim?

I felt that creep in! I catch them shnuggled on the couch watching top gear and choosing their fav cars and think 'Oh....'

Hadn't looked at the sling thing in that way. Thats interesting. She'd hardly notice I was giving new babba attention really. Hmmmm I like it!

[got a crap back though but would be worth it]

I briefed family and friends to buy, & wrap up very small presents - which I put in a box (high up ) to present to ds whenever I needed him to be distracted for a bit - ie when feeding! Even if what was inside was uninspiring, the process of unwrapping and discovering kept him going for a while. And like loopsymummy, lots of snuggled up reading.

Someone (on here i think) also suggested always offering the first born a snack/drink before getting the baby fed - so that it feels first born driver - ie "well, now you've got a snack I think baby would like one too" rather than 'baby needs a feed, lets get you something to do whilst s/he feeds'

The best advice I had (& it sounds like you;re doing this) already was to remember that children don't always love babies, but they do find them interesting ... so engage interest rather than trying to engage love. Ds, for example, was obsessed with dd's poos "They are yellow like the sun!" - suggesting we change her nappy always got him going

More genius, especially first born first in snacks.

Oh I love mumsnet. Keep them coming people!

Am using washable nappies for this dc, so dd has put herself in firm control of folding inserts and stuffing pockets etc. No offers to help with laundry but I live in hope....

Suggest a book and a cuddle when you need to BF

C-Beebies or favourite DVD

TBH, I found I quickly mastered the art of bf dd2 during any dd1-nominated activity (Which often included her dropping her pants and weeing on the carpet in front of me... but that's another thread!)

Good luck and congratulations, btw!

Yes arm growing is tricky. Such a sweet story Mr Jackson, lovely memories. Name change to Mr Jackson?

sounds like you've done a fantastic job already.

feeding time could be a time for looking at all the baby's amazing little features. You could talk to her about what feeding is all about and what she was like as a baby. You could talk about feeding her when she was a baby and how special it was. You could alos make up a special story only for feeding time, all snuggled up on the sofa.

i'm sure your dd will be fascinated, mine was (but she was 22 months when ds born)

This is encouraging!! I'm getting quite excited about it. Thank you people!

I read that having a special basket of things for older child to do while your feeding baby is a good idea- things that are just for that time IYSWIM- so something nice to play with- a new jigsaw, or whatever she is into, a drink and a snack for the older child etc etc.

We gave DD a dolls hOuse for christmas, and I'm hoping that there will be lots of opportunity for her to play with that with me nodding in the background, and keeping up with the 'backstory'. We're also giving her a baby doll as her present from DS, so hopefully feeding and changing will be part of her routine with 'her baby' as it were - we can do the things together, as she loves to be like mama at the moment.

We're going to ruin our dd's Peach . Am thinking a steady stream of pressi's too! And a permanent craft table with paints out all the time. Seems to be the thing to do at the moment in our house.

They have been pfbs for 3 or 4 years... they are already ruined

How will I ever love another like her?

It sounds glib- but it's true! I said to DH the other day- what if he's just not as cool as her? And I meant it!
It's what scares me most I think- I have been reassured by people on here that I will have enough love for him (the analogy was- you're not dividing your pie between 2... you get a whole other pie too).
I just worry that he won't be as smart, or funny, or gorgeous, or curious, or adorable as her- and that I won't like him as much. It's going to be doubly hard as he's a boy... and so he is 3 chronological years behind, but further behind in terms of maturity etc.
I know- I overanalyse everything

I go in and check her at night, when she is deeply asleep, and looking utterly perfect- and I just cannot believe he will be that perfect- we got it so right once, what are the chances of it ever happening again?

I am so so there EachPeach. I could have written that post. Apart from boy bit
Dh said the exact same thing, what of she's not as cool as Jess.

We even said what you put, dh said that we had got J so spot on why do it again.

We must be normal. Hurrah!

or both crazy.....

I used to 'sort out' ds: i.e. made sure he was fed and watered and entertained. Usually he was happy enough to play on his own for a while while I was BFing dd, sometimes we read a book together during this time, as the beauty of bf is that you only need 1 hand. But then there wasn't much I couldn't do while bf. I used to walk around the house holding dd to answer the phone/door/check on cooking/... DS was 2.1 when dd was born.
Not all children are jealous of their baby brothers or sisters. Especially if you make sure that each day your firstborn gets a bit of one to one special me time with you too.

I was so worried about another baby, the effect it would have on dd and that I wouldn't have time for her. I also could not fathom how I could lovwe another one like dd.

My dh told me I was at the point of idolising her when in late pg and once ds was born. I had a difficult time bonding with ds even tho' it was a home birth, which went like clock work. I even resented him whcih was way out of line. But he just wormed his way into my affections. He was and still is an absolute charmer (not just me who says it). He makes my heart flip.

DH says now that I have got an obvious favoutire with ds but I know I don't, its just that ds is very attached to me and still bf'ing. I have special bond with both dd and ds, it's just these bonds are formed from differnt expericns and differnvct personalities (thye are like chalk and cheese.

Be assured that you will love #2 just as much but in a unique way.

Oh I can relate to this thread. I was sure that there was no way that dd could be as great as pfb ds. I too had slight feelings of resentment in the early colicky-couldnt-put-her-down weeks, and I feel terrible admitting that but am reassured that it's quite normal. Dh and other family members would take ds out doing fun things to give me some feeding and bonding time with dd and I felt sooo insanely jealous of the time they were spending with him.

Wrt bedtimes, I had to quickly learn how to do it with both children as dh works silly shifts. It was tricky at first but now (dd is 6 months) it's great because they both have a bath together then we sit in ds' bed for stories, then snuggle down. I can still lie with ds while he falls asleep as I always did, and dd will usually lie with me and bf to sleep. Luckily he's happy to have her there (for now!).

It's bloody tricky in the early days, I don't think anyone would say any different; some days you may even think you've made a mistake. But with a lot of love and understanding you'll all muddle through together. The best reward is when you see the two of them interacting. Ds rolls around the floor with dd and it makes her giggle her head off - no-one else can make her laugh! They make my heart melt (and I try not to think about all the bickering I've got coming in the future!)

The only thing that's really suffered from neglect since dd's arrival is the ironing!