Right, APers, please come and talk to me about getting ds out of our bed

[phdlife]

We started co-sleeping when ds was cutting his first lot of molars as he was so utterly miz and, frankly, I needed the sleep. Then we emigrated and I didn't think it was a good idea trying to persaude him to sleep alone when we were in a different bed every couple of nights.

We've been here a month now and he coped with the move really, really well, but #2 is due in 13 weeks and I kinda think it'd be a good idea to have ds sleeping in his own room before then.

What do you think? Is it a good idea or unnecessary stress for all of us? Ds is 21m btw, will be 2 about a week after my edd. Tips for moving him, if you've got any?

We started co-sleeping for very similar reasons. We wanted to get him in his own bed as we were ttc, and his presence was a bit of a spanner in the works...
He was coaxed into his own room at about 19m by a trip to Ikea- we let him chose a toddler bed, duvet cover and a little lamp for his bedside. We put posters he really liked all around his new bed, and spent a weekend really making a fuss about his new room. Was a bit of an expense, but well worth it, as he couldn't wait to sleep in his new bed. We also found that a bed had an advantage over a cot for the transition from co-sleeping, as when he woke in the night, either me or dh could lie down next to him in it until he went back to sleep.

Couldn't recommend it more highly, it wasn't stressful for us at all, and it might not be for you!

thanks, that's a good idea. we've been given all that stuff (have just moved into a new place) but so far it's just been piled with toys etc. We could spend a couple of days making a big show/fuss over getting it ready...

anyone have any other tips?

I think lovelybirtha's advice is very good, make it a milestone experience for your DS, play up the 'what a big boy you are' in a very positive and proud way rather than 'your a big boy now so you should be on your own..' Make sure you do it well before your newborn arrives, you don't want him feeling as though he has been turfed out. If he feels big and grown up he may associate sharing with you as baby behaviour ( although don't suggest that if he is anxious) However you do it be consistent. Once he is in his own bed, he has to stay there otherwise your hard work will be wasted. If you give in once he will try again. I would do it asap as you don't want to be dealing with him room hopping once you have a newborn to keep you up all night.
Good luck, remember he is likely to be a bit unsettled with the new arrival coming so lots of positive praise but no pressure.

thanks honeybunmum. I think I am going to be more stressed about it than he is. Since we moved he has been becoming more independent in leaps and strides, from a very clingy baby. I am the pathetic sook who likes having him in there with us and would really struggle to be consistent in returning him to his own bed. But I take your point and will work myself into a Firm frame of mind...

See I am the opposite, I can't stand DC in bed with me and never sleep if they are. I don't even let them in bed with me in the morning because once or twice when I have done, they have woken up earlier and earlier asking to come into my bed (((shivers with fear))) I know I'm horrible but they get all their cuddles etc when we are all up and they sleep really well with no trying it on so I'm happy. You and your DH will have to be singing from the same song sheet if you want this to work. Just remember, if you can be strong, the benefits will be worth it for all of you. He is at the age where he wants to be independent so he probably will cope with it better than you, try not to baby him, you'll have another one soon.

Same as LovelyBertha. Ds went into his bed at 26 months after being a full time co-sleeper. If he woke in the night one of us would get into his bed, or, if he wanted to come in with us in the middle of the night we let him. We never forced him to sleep on his own if he felt unsure about it.

Are you planning on co-sleeping with the new baby? we have a cot with the side down next to our bed which dd sleeps in, it means that if ds wants to come in there's still plenty of room. We often end up with 4-in-a-bed by 5am!

I love having a family bed (luckily!). In fact I feel very twitchy and don't sleep at all well on the nights that ds sleeps through in his own room!

Hi phd, wow can't believe your baby is due so soon. Hope the move has gone well. I can't give useful advice as dd is still snuggled up to me at night, but just to say we've done the ikea thing (before xmas - bed is still in box of course) - Ive heard from lots of people that this works. My only thing is that if you're going to do it I would do it NOW and not closer to the birth. I think it would be a bad idea if your ds came to associate the change with the arrival of the new baby - it would feel like he was being pushed out. For that reason, I guess I'd be a bit softer than others say - if he comes into you in the night you could try and settle him back in his bed but i guess (and i'm a softy who still feeds dd back to sleep 700 times a night) i wouldn't push it too hard - just seems unfair when he's about to have a rival.

Good luck!