discipline dilemma - MN jury help please

[blondehelen]

dd (9) is not achieving at school because of her behaviour ie talking, not listening, fussing etc.

she had a reward system before Christmas which showed some improvement but she has severely slipped this term

dh and I have decided we will stop extra curricular activities but here's the dilemma

Stop them so she has to earn them back

or

Give her 2 weeks to improve then if no improvement then stop them

Am popping out to pick her up from Cheerleading but any help appreciated

Ta

Give her 2 weeks to improve t if no improvement then stop them, and let her earn them back.

Both!
As tamarto said already

How are you measuring improvement? How frequently? Are you contacting the school, or just gauging her general behaviour?

I'd make her earn them on a week by week basis on a reward system, one week in arrears - two clear days means yes to activity 1 next week, three clear days means yes to activity two, four clear days out of five means yes to everything.

What kind of out of school activity do you mean?

Is there anything else that would motivate her?

I would the latter give her a chance to improve and let her know you mean it

Thanks - I met with her teacher in September and said that I was concerned that dd achievement was being affected by her behaviour. I did that because of her school report at the end of last year which had the theme

X has achieved xyz but could have achieved much more if behaviour better etc

We set targets and she did improve somewhat but not perfect (had another meeting with teacher in Nov)

Has severely slipped, potentially worse that ever, since going back after Christmas

Had an inkling things had slipped from things dd was saying the last couple of weeks so went into see teacher tonight, who confirmed things were as bad as ever

So she does Drama Monday, Brownies Wednesday, and Cheerleading Friday. Do I let her go to Drama on Monday, but only if she has behaved at school? or give her 2 weeks to turn it round

bump after more info

If it were me i'd give her the two weeks to turn it round, then if no joy i'd ban all activities and let her earn them back with better behaviour in school and or at home.

All the while making sure she is completely aware of the consequenses etc.

I presume that since you have spoken to the teacher several times and tried a reward system that DD is aware of your concerns.
I think you should nip this in the bud while she is at an age where parental approval is still very important. It will be much harder to do that when she is 13.
I would ground her for a specified period, make it clear exactly what is expected of her and when. At nine years old I think she's old enough to for this. Then, if she can show for the whole of the agreed period that she can behave then you restore the priviledges.
She will hate you for it but sometimes it's your job as a parent to be tough.

I would want to know what the underlying reason is for her behaviour in school.If this behaviour is consistant then there must be a reason why she is avoiding the work.Why isnt she listening, why is she talking etc. Is she happy at school, is she finding the work difficult, is she being bullied? Is everything ok at home?

Children usually disengage themselves for a reason.Personally I wouldnt go down the reward system until I had explored all avenues for her behaviour.

What sort of behaviour are we talking about? Why can't the school deal with it? Is the seating arrangement ok?
I would not withdraw extra curricular things as a punishment- she needs to have the chance to do well and behave in other environments than school, especially when things are not good there. I would withdraw tv and screen time as punishment of choice, if punishment is really needed. You can tell her it's a chance to read and practice art and maths and the other activities that she's missed by being silly at school. Sounds kind of low level though, Not sure why the te4achers are letting her away with it.

The talking has been a theme throughout her school life, but her teacher previously have been able to get a grip of it. We moved from Kent to Wiltshire last December so this is a relativelmy new school. She has friends and settle well, but this year they mixed up the classes and she is in a blended yr 5/6 which may have unsettled

I think if you go the 2 weeks route she'll be good for 2 weeks and then slip again (I would have ) what about dropping 1 of the activities and if she's good for a while she can get it back but if she's not then she loses another one? You could also do weekly motivators to keep her on track - like if you're good this week you can choose a video to watch or have a special dinner of her favourite foods?

I agree with Oonagh. As a teacher I know behaviour like this often has an underlyning cause.
Is any of the work too hard or too easy. Does she have problems with writing or spelling or organisation.
Does she have lots of friends and high self-esteem.
What is she fussying over ?
When you have ruled out these causes - give this approach a try
With the teacher choose one key behaviour you want to change - concentrate one at a time.
At the end of each day give her a reward if she has achieved her target and lots of praise.
Constant reinforcement and measure in short blocks - not half termly but daily.
Two weeks is a long time for a nine year old especially if she is a bit impetutous
Good luck