argh - someone has told me they think my childminder has 'a bit of a temper.'

[mooki]

My DD (currently 16 months) has been with her chldminder 3 days a week since she was 1. DD seems happy and childminder x seems very fond of her. Childminder's ofsted was good and she's been childminding for many years.

DD's diary entries are always thoughtful and we've had lots of lovely pictures etc. DD does still have a few tears on me leaving her on some mornings but I felt that was pretty normal.

Today (my day off) at a baby group, I was introduced to a mum I didn't know. When she heard my name, she asked if my DD went to childminder x.

Basically, she had taken her 3ish year old daughter away from childminder x a little while ago as she felt her daughter was scared of childminder x. When the mum asked at another play group , she said the playgroup leader said she felt childminder x had a 'bit of a temper' on her. Neither of them had seen her hit any of the mindees but the playgroup leader had seen her get cross.

I was upset at the idea that my DD might not be happy so I was crying a bit. The mum said she hadn't meant to upset me but had been annoyed that she only found out this info from the playgroup leader after she had removed her chld from chldminder x and thought I would want to know. She tried to make me feel better by saying her daughter was a sensitive type. I appreciate what the mum was trying to do and I'm not upset with her for telling me.

There have been 2 occasions when I have heard childminder x talk to an older mindee in a way I thought was a bit harsh. On the other hand I'm sometimes short with DD and childminder x must be on the go all day with the 3-6 children she has at different times. However, she shouldn't be doing the job if she gets ratty with the kids.

If this were you, would you try and talk to the chldminder about it? Try and talk to some of the other parents? Take your DC away straight away or leave them there on the basis that she seems happy??

mooki, if you are sure your dd is happy I would leave her there for the time being but be very vigilant.
What I always found to be very telling was turning up an an unexpected time to pick up the boys. On one occasion, when I turned up at midday. I heard a montessori teacher roaring at some toddlers in a way in which I know she wouldn't have done if she were expecting parents to be outside.
Also, ds2, as soon as he could talk, said "X shouted at me!" one day when I went to pick him up. She went bright red and said "No, I didn't!" as if butter wouldn't melt but I did mention this as well as some other problems we had with her to the nursery owner and X was dismissed soon after that!
Did you ask the playgroup leader about it?

Chipmonkey - thanks, DD is generally a chirpy little thing and always gives chlidminder hugs and kisses when we leave.

I talked to my husband about it this evening and we've agreed pretty much what you suggested - leaving her there for now but maybe going a bit earlier now and again to try and do an unexpected drop in.

I will try and find out which playgroup it was.

Thank you for replying. I was starting to feel like I had a black mark against my name that was only visible to others. I don't post a lot on other people's threads (I'm not always confident enough), so was wondering if I had bad thread karma as a result.

Hi - didn't want you to think your OP was being ignored - I've only done one OP and nobody answered me...I hid for a fortnight!

Chipmonkeys approach sounds like a good one - can understand you feeling upset, I would be the same. I've just changed DD1 from afterschool club to a childminder because she was unhappy - its so worrying.

mooki, I've been here 4 years and I still get ignored! You need a thick skin round here!

thank you

Agree completely about doing an unexpected drop in...its always difficult to know what goes on when you arent around.

The main thing that you have to remember is that your child seems very happy.

I would however keep my ear to the ground.

BTW my DS who is similar age has recently started getting a little bit clingy when i leave him at nursery which i know he LOVES!

Think its normal at this age.

I would be careful about listening to gossip. These ladies might have meant well but you telling me that ypu have never shouted, or been short with dd. I know its her job but atleast if your in an office you can go and take 5 mins.
If your dd seems happy leave her there and follow he earlier advice of turning up early.
What one might consider shouting, someone else might say firm iyswim

Hi Lisad123, Yes I am sometimes short with DD, I said it my original post - I'm not expecting CM to be super-human or blessed with saintly patience.

The person who told me emailed me later (I'm on the same mums' group list) and explained with great care that she hadn't been gossiping about the situation but had been talking about childminding with one other mum, who was training to be a childminder, about having once taken her daughter away from a CM. When she mentioned to this second mum who it was, the second mum, who knew me, said my DD was going there. Original mum then vowed if she ever met me (which she did for the first time yesterday) she would let me know.

I specifically don't want to react in a hysterical way because so much of this is subjective but at the same time there's a small panicky part of me saying 'there is a risk to your daughter, don't ignore it'.

I agree with Lisa - we all shout at our children at some point. They don't melt or explode if we do so. But it is very important that you feel comfortable with your daughter's care and quite honestly I think you are always going to fret about this now. I would leave her there but look at alternatives and if you find something you like better then move her. The problem is that we always want to think of our childcare as perfect 100% of the time and that just doesn't exist. There are dealbreakers for everybody but we also have to accept that everybody cares for children differently.

It's not necessarily just about raising your voice though. What I was told was that this mum felt her daughter was scared of the CM.

Then again, apparently, when I was little, I took a violent dislike to one of playgroup helpers and got stuck on the top of a climbing frame because I wouldn't let this bloke help me down.

The mum has offered to say in more detail what her experiences were but I'm not sure I want to know.

Why didnt the other mums report her if they thought she had a temper and took it out on children?? If they were that worried surely they would have done.

I worked in a nursery and sometimes raised my voice at the children. Not shouting but enough for them to understand IYSWIM.

Great idea about unexpected drop ins. Could you listen outside for a little while before going in without her seeing?

lauraloola I don't know. I asked the mum who talked to me if she had addressed the issue with the CM but she said she didn't, she just took her daughter away. She also said the playgroup leader described an unpleasant incident to her that she felt should have been reported. All I know is that there is nothing in the CMs ofsted register.

I don't want to go around asking people about the CM behind her back, but it's not the sort of thing I can really ask the CM directly either, not without dropping this other mum in it, which I don't think is fair either.

I will just have to be extra vigilant as you all say.

I do feel a little better having heard all your reactions - the majority seem to be erring on the side of caution rather than instant reaction.

All this 'information' has come from the one mum who may have personal grievances with the CM.For all you know it could have been the CM who terminated the contract.
If your DC is happy, then until you have some evidence that she is unsatisfactory I would let him stay with her.
However I think it is always a good idea to turn up at any childcare setting unexpectedly now and then