Feel like a horrible jealous cow

[frazzledgirl]

My friend had a DD this morning - she already has a 20-month-old DS.

I feel like crying. I have am amazing, adorable son (17 months) who I love more than I could ever express - but I always wanted a daughter (I'm very close to my mum and sister and would so love to experience that relationship the other way round, IYSWIM).

All my other good mummy-friends have daughters that I love dearly.

I don't even know if I'm ready for another one quite yet. But if I did, it would be my last (DH not sure about two, definitely against more). And I just have the feeling that I'm only going to have boys.

Don't get me wrong, I would fall totally in love with a new son I know. But I feel in mourning in advance for a daughter I can't have and almost scared to risk another birth because it feels wrong to be disappointed by a beloved DC (even if it's only for a few minutes till I adjust to the idea!).

I feel so stupid. Am I just being broody, or hideous?

bless, you just sound emotional, and a bit all over the shop.

Those broody pangs are almost primeavil, or however you spell it.

I can understand the longing you have for a dd.
xx

Thank you so much for making me feel less weird.

Riven, I don't know what to say apart from you've reminded me (in the gentlest way possible) that there is a much bigger picture, too. I hope that doesn't sound wrong, I've seen your posts before and so respect the way you get on with things.

Riven, did you order any new stuff for the chicken house floor?

Frazzle, I only ever wanted two boys and so, felt oddly disappointed when I was told DD was coming along (already had DS). BUT, now she's here, I cannot imagine and never think about it being any different!

I think, as you've acknowledged, once they're here, it's RIGHT and you get on with it, regardless of what you get!

I do know how you feel. My first 2 were boys and I felt that daughters would be forever out of my reach. I
would look at people with girls and wonder how they "did" it.
I would be envious of all the pretty and abundant girls' clothes in shops and curse at the meagre drab offerings of the boys' rail. Then I went on to have three girls!!( and another boy)

I actually find my boys much easier

Hijack alert!!!

Riven - just wanted to say that I read a post of yours yesterday about your mil! I had a peek at your profile and wanted to say that I love the picture of your dd where she's all wrapped up for the rain. What a fab smile!! And the duet looks great. Can you tell me how you pronounce her name, I've not heard of it before.

Frazzledgirl - I felt a little like you, but the other way round. I already had a dd, and wanted another one. I got a ds second time around and I did feel disappointed at first. But I soon got over it, and now....well, he's the jewel of my heart. I can't imagine life without him. He's my little soulmate.

That is such an honest OP and i do totally understand. I definately don't want any more children, i have two girls and wanted girls. But despite that, i am always extremely of pregnant friends and it does bring about a sad feeling - yes, im over the moon for them, but it makes me wistful, i love being pregnant (apart from the morning sickness, tiredness and indegestion!). Its funny though, as now i know that i wont have any more children - i wonder if there was or is (never say never) a little boy for me? You are very lucky to have such a loving relationship with your mum and sister and that is going to make you a fantastic mum to your wee lad.

"The jewel of my heart" - what a beautiful way to put it. That's what my DS is sniffles with maternal pride emoticon

I suppose I just feel like there's someone missing from the family.

I don't think you are being hideous or stupid but you could try putting a rational hat on and think that even if you had a girl there is no guarantee that you will have the lovely relationship with her that you had with your mother and sister. She maybe a really Daddy's girl. There are no guarantees.

You might have a fantastic relationship with your DSs and if you do have 2 DS's (as I have) it is lovely to watch their relationship together as they get on so well (well mostly) in a way that a boy and girl would probably not get on.

Have a good cry about it - nothing wrong with that but try to think of the bigger picture and that the reality may well not be anything like your dreams.

And you never know, you haven't even conceived yet. Maybe you will have a girl!

xxxxxxxxx

I hear you! Riven has given fab advice - smile, eat your feelings and then go home to cry.
I think being honest with your emotions is very brave of you. Whatever happens in the future regarding more children, sounds like your son has a wonderful, caring and sensitive mummy, lucky boy x

frazzle

I gaze at little girls and was convinced DS2 was going to be a girl. I feel terrible about it sometimes as I have 2 (3) gorgeous boys who I love from top to toe. I know how lucky I am that I have children and I that they are happy and healthy and yet and yet is is there.

When DS1 turned out to be a little girl to my utter shame I was gutted. It took me a while to bond with him (PND) and almost couldnt congratulate my friend who had a little girl a week later.

It sounds so pathetic and I love him to bits but I became a little obsessed wanting a girl.

We have 3 boys (one is my DSS) and I wouldnt change it for the world. But I think about my mum and our relationship (and now hers to the kids) and all of the MIL stuff on here.

My only bit of advice is that if you do go for another one make sure you a) would be happy if it is a boy before you get pregnant and b) go for a scan to find out the sex before hand.

I didnt get a scan for either and wished I had as I think I was a bit of a hormnal mess when he was born and if I knew he was going to be a girl earlier I would have got my head around it before he was born.

ps girls smell funny anyway and all that pink arrrgghhhh

I hate pink! I keep yearning after all the red and purple clothes in Tesco, tho (and getting cross about all the sludgy cr*p with stupid monster slogans on that apparently is appropriate for my darling son, but that's another story).

I sometimes think about being an MIL to a girl who doesn't want to know, and notice that my older friends see far less of their sons than their daughters.

Meh. I'm just borrowing trouble now, I know. No guarantees that my notional DD wouldn't naff off to Australia and forget how to use a phone...

It is the clothes that get me Frazzledgirl - so pretty, especially the baby and toddler stuff.

My MIL has three boys. She had two boys and decided to try for a 3rd to see if they would have a girl and ended up with another boy. She was desperate for a girl granddaughter but got 4 grandsons in a row. Then my BIL and his wife adopted two children, a boy and a girl and she got her granddaughter.

However, she is more of a tomboy than my two boys put together! She won't wear skirts, likes anything in khaki and black and loves football. She is a lovely girl but probably not what most of my MIL had in mind when she dreamt of that granddaughter!

You are right about there being no guarantees.

Frazzlegirl I could have written your OP myself,and have started threads on similar subject inthe past.I have 2 wonderful dss but am horribly jealous of people who have one of each as I've always yearned for a little girl. Have considered having a third in the hope of getting one, but decided against it as I don't think it would be fair on the child if it was a boy and I was disappointed (I know I would love it just the same, but there would always be a bit of me that felt upset). On past threads people have quite rightly said to not be such a f*wit and just get on with loving the children you have .Most of the time I do exactly that, but when I hear of someone having a baby girl all the old feelings come flooding back...

ohhhh i so relate, when i found out my sister was pregnant i cried as i was convinced she'd have a girl and her baby not due till july!

i've just had ds2, he's gorgeous i am sooo in love with him and blessed to have 2 gorgeous boys, but i find myself very very broody (ds2 only 8 weeks) for another baby. i will admit on knowing ds2 was a boy when pregnant i was already planning #3, it's just maddness and i have a feeling its because i do long for that mother - daughter relationship i never had (and all the clothes!) i know its not just hormones.

anyway i have moments of being sensible and deciding that I will enjoy my new family in the now without the interupptions of ttc, pregnancy etc... dh tells me that if we decide to start ttc then i'll no doubt be back to that "unfinished business" stage which was emotional and exhausting....

anyway, some very good advise on here! thanks!

Huh. All boosted by the lovely supportive comments and great advice, I tried to explain to my normally-very-sensitive DH how I was feeling.

His advice was, why don't we adopt a girl then. He said it puts a dent in his happiness to think I am not happy with our family the way it is and he is. And that if I feel that way I shouldn't get pregnant again until I know I can wholeheartedly welcome a boy.

All undoubtedly true. But a little handpat to start with would've been nice...

hi frazz ib was in your shoes about wanting a dd but hid my feelings and got very bad pnd i had 3 ds in a row each time hoping for a dd dont get me wrong i lov them all and am so proud of them that i made them but the yearning for the mother daughter thing was over welming i began to talk about it and was finaly settling on my boys as a complete family but kept feeling as tho someone was missing .well we decided to try for no 4 a got hold of a book called ..how to choose th sex of your baby ...and over 18 months i did loads of checks on my cycle avoided ovalation day 10 to 14 to concieve as girl .girl sperm swims slower boys faster and i now hav a 20 month old dd i am content and no pnd in sight .i didnt know i was carrying a dd i thought it was a ds (ash)his name so when dd was born i was gob smacked ..and i feel complete and she quiet often wears blue..

Just to say (FWIW) I don't think you're a horrible jealous cow.

i feel like this too. not really resentful or anything but deffinitely feel very !!! all my friends seem to be having dds at the moment and its hard but i dont think i'll get to have anymore now .