How did you find it going from one to two?

[Minicooper]

I have one beautiful dd, just over a year old and just starting to feel human again! I never wanted an only, but dh has found this year really tough and is not sure he wants to go through it all over again. My biggest query is (and I know most people do it, so it must be possible!) how do you fit in looking after a second (or more!) and how did you help your pfb adapt to the fact that you now have other things to fit into the day as well as fulfilling their every need?!

mini, we half way thru assesment but who knows how long?

Great thread, there are some really reassuring posts here. Maybe the plan to have three under 5 is not so daft after all.

The gap between mine is 22 months and is not as hard as i though so far DS 3.5 DD 19 months! I steeled myself for a hard time and thought it would be horrific, and was pleasantly surprised! The logistics of two small ones can be annoying ie double buggies!! or toddler in buggy baby in sling etc and I missed the freedom of pram pushing everywhere but onviously that happens as eldest grows anyway! Where to put baby when toddler is playing and you want to nip to the loo etc ; takes a bit of getting used to but thats the same as your 1st really! I always had books on hand to read to DS when DD was BF and did baths and bedtimes together and still do! Now they play together beautifully its great to see! My SIL has 14 months between her two and deserves a medal! Very sleep deprived and at 1st like having two babies, but 1st child is a poor sleeper anyway and it looks like they'll be very close for ever more so is probably worth it... Im even slighty, ish considering 3 but fear that may upset the apple cart! good luck

I've got a 2.4 year gap and found it ok. Hard for first few months but got easier and easier.
I think a 3 year gap would actually have been a lot more easier. Ds1 is now 3.3 yrs and is SO much easier to handle than a year ago!!
Plus he goes to pre-school now which really helps us all.

Very interested to hear about your sleep training?? Who did you see? Was itvery expensive? and i guess it worked as your DD is now sleeping!
My DS2 is 11 months and still up lots of times every night. Would love to hear about the specialist!

2pt4kids, we saw Andrea Grace (you can google her) and it was incredible. She was lovely and knew I was very much against controlled crying. She has a gentle approach, but her suggestions made a huge difference. We had a bit of a setback due to colds and teething after a flying start, but are back on track now. Shame we had to pay, but we think it was worth every penny - esp with the follow up phonecalls to deal with any concerns or queries as we went along.

Interesting to hear about everyone's age gaps. Pluses and minuses for each, I suppose.

I have 14 months between dd's, and was terrified when I first found out I was pregnant, especially as everyone told me how hard it was going to be! I agree with people that say it was easier going from 1 to 2, than from none to 1. Going from being childfree to the world of baby is terrifying, but when i came home with dd2 I was already in world of baby IYKWIM.

Life is harder, in that there doesn't feel as though there are enough hours in the day (although i still find time to Mumsnet -funny that!), and I sometimes feel as though i need to tear myself in two (they are both very clingy). But it is hard to explain just how lovely it is to have the 2 of them and watch their relationship grow.

i had such a hard time with dd1, and so did dh. we struggled enormously to really accept the seismic change in our lives, plus dd1 was a very demanding baby. i didn't feel ready for no 2 until 18 months and i have a 2yr3m gap.

tbh- i think having two is easier than one! I mean, dont get me wrong, it's bloody knackering and very hard on your body- you never sit still and by the time you wrestle put them to bed you are ready to keel down and die! but there is a feeling of "fullness" to our life which makes it a breeze emotionally. i don't know if that makes sense! what i mean is, we are never bored, the dynamics of the day change all the time, and it's actually fun. as soon as dd2 was old enough to sit in her bouncer and smile occasionally dd1 was quite happy to "include" her in her day.

logistically, the hardest thing for me is putting dd2 down for naps, because she needs quite a bit of assistance to fall asleep and it can take a long time. dd1 watches far too much telly as a result.

overall, dd1 has been very jealous so paradoxically i am still finding that my relationship with her is the hardest bit of parenting. in that respect i think a smaller gap would have been easier for me, although due to the fact that dd1 never slept i couldn't have contemplated it (and i did see Andrea Grace, funny you mention her! sadly it didnt work for us...)

I think a lot of it depends on the personalities of the children you get and also how much childcare you have arranged. I found the first 6 months hideous and the next six months only a little bit better. But my second child was very high maintenance and would have been a nightmare whether he had arrived first or second. I also had no childcare for number one, so had absolutely no time during the working week to catch up on sleep (and there was a lot of sleep to catch up on).

For us, it all changed at about 12 months and now it is a delight to have the two of them. They get on brilliantly. In any case, it can't have been too bad because I'm now expecting number 3. (Or maybe I just forgot!)

Short answer - really hard, not initially but later on, esepcially when one is at playgroup/school and the other isn't.

Just under 3 years between mine. But I was 40 and a bit when my second was born so was bound to be tired!

Dd 2 and DS is 5 month. He only sleeps on top of me. Very stressful times! But he loves his sister and she's mad about him.

Am very new to having 2 children as DS2 is only 8 weeks old - DS1 is 2.6 so there is a 2.4 year age gap.

Tbh, contrary to a lot of these posts, I have found it incredibly difficult and probably harder than going from 0 to 1.

But, I think that is all due to DS1's personality - he is a very boisterous, lively little boy who needs constant entertaining. We realised VERY early on that we couldn't leave him alone with DS2, as although he clearly loves him, he is quite rough with him as he doesn't understand the concept of a baby - so DS2 now 'lives' in a travel cot when DS1 is around!! Fortunately DS1 has not shown any jealousy - is quite happy when I am feeding DS2, doesn't mind that DS2 stays downstairs when he goes to bed and that he sleeps in our room etc so I think we have been lucky that way. It literally is because DS1 is so full-on.... but I know it will be worth it in 12 months time when they can play together!

As another poster has said, I am only coping because DS1 is still in nursery the 4 days that he has always been whilst I was working - this means I get 4 lovely days to focus on DS2 and this means that I don't feel as guilty about leaving him in the travel cot at weekends etc when DS1 is around.

There are a few of us on my PN thread who all had children the same age - and we have all found it incredibly hard - but, the common theme is that they were all boys... I wonder if girls adjust better??

I think the hardest thing was that I actually started to resent DS1 for not dealing with it better (what did I expect in a 2 year old ) and not allowing me to love and spend the time I wanted to with DS2....but 8 weeks on, it is getting gradually easier - more of a one step forward, 2 steps backwards thing though.

I'm expecting it to be hard, but also really looking forward to being a 'family of four' - DP and I both knew we wanted two quite close together and although he had a 'never again!' blip soon after DD was born we're both really excited about it. We were talking about it yesterday and DP said "We'll be able to cuddle one each", which probably understates the potential difficulties but is still quite a lovely way of looking at it!

Hi I found the tiny baby bit easy with dd2 (have a 3 year age gap) but am finding it harder as they get older which I was surprised by (dd1 is 8 dd2 4.5).

What I miss is being able to have real quality time with each child - made harder by the fact I work full-time.

After saying that the girls love each other to bits and play really nicely together (MOST of the time!).

I couldn't have done a 2 year age gap - I wasn't ready physically or emotnionally but you just have to go with what is right for you

I found 2 easier than 1, but again my dd1 was very demanding and not sleeping through the night or anything so having a baby made little difference. But 2 to 3 - what a shock - and a year of three children waking in night. And its still really hard three years on. I think two children works really well later on. Not sure that three does.

i've found it bloody hard, but couldn't imagine not having two, and they are so close and have so much fun together (plenty of competitiveness and bickering too of course!) that it's been worth all the blood sweat and tears (and there were plenty of those!). i've got a 2 yr gap - a v hard work toddler who was just hitting her stride tantrum-wise when baby came along - there followed three tumultuous years! but being a unit of 4 feels just right and they are really good little pals.

ime two children are almost exactly twice as much work as one, in the early stages at least.

hellish

but som epeople do find it easy

Minicooper - sorry for more questions, I hope you dont mind me asking!!!
I googled Andrea Grace and it looks very interesting. Am definitely considering it.
Just wondered from your experience of speaking with her - if DS sleep problems are something that she would be able to help with?
Basically Ds is 11 months and usually wakes from 2 to 8 times a night. Most times he settles with a dummy but once or twice I have to give him a bottle to settle him. He refuses to drink any milk other than the ones he has at night/first thing in morning.
He goes to bed at 7pm and settles perfectly at bed time with dummy. Also naps once or twice a day and settles perfectly for those.
Do you think its something she woudl be able to help with??
Thanks!

Hi 2pt4kids - sounds like the sort of thing she could help with; dd was 11 months old when we went to her too and also waking lots in the night. If you're interested, she has written a book called 'teach yourself baby sleep' - you can get it on Amazon. At least it would give you an idea of her approach and you could decide if it was for you or not - and you never know, you might solve it with the book and save yourself the consultation fee! I found it worth seeing her though, just because her programme is then tailormade for you, taking account of your child, your situation and your parenting style. Good luck - and ask as many questions as you like!