Only a mildly difficult situation, just after a few opinions. my dd1's closest friends are two other girls in her class. Together they make up a group of three, which is difficult at times. They are 9 btw.
One of the parents sometimes chats to me if she feels her daughter is being left out or is unhappy, and between us, in a very relaxed way, we usually decipher what is going on and whether or not it requires intervention (usually not but it's useful to chat). I don't take it personally if she suggests that my dd has been mean to hers, or vice versa, because we both know they are all capable of that at times, likewise she doesn't assume that her dd is always innocent.
The third girl has always been a bit more of a domineering character, but she is great company and they are very good friends. My dd has often said that this girl won't let her play with other people, but I have tended to just give her strategies for being assertive without being nasty, and didnt' think it was that big a deal. I don't speak as much with the third girl's mum in terms of socialising out of school, but we have obviously spoken a lot over the years, so I thought I would include her in the loop with the most recent little mishap as I didn't want it to be that we were talking about her dd's part in it (first girl feeling left out and upset) and she didn't know, basically.
I told her that I had had a word with my dd about including the first girl in things, and that my dd had said that her dd often likes to play just with one of them. I was really diplomatic though - I said I thought they were all like this and that a three is often difficult, that her dd was not to blame, and that it is not always mine and hers leaving the other one out, etc etc. I suggested she could ask her dd what she thought about it and see whether she has a different perspective. I was hoping that we could then have open communication between all three of us rather than just two of us.
But she took it really badly and started saying that she thought the other girl was oversensitive (perhaps, but it doesn't mean it should always be ignored, imo) and that the other mum clearly blamed her dd and that's why she didn't bother to speak to her herself (they get on really well so I was surprised at that) and that her poor dd never gets to be my dd's partner because another (different) girl always gets in first, and that if this sort of hassle continues she'd ask the school to keep her dd away from them all
I diffused it all a bit, made a couple of jokes and remained upbeat, but she was still pretty peed off.
Should I have said anything at all? I would not be offended if someone said this to me... I would investigate and then make a judgement...
But would you be offended?
Have I done irreparable damage or might it have got the crap bit over with and from now on we can all chat about it?