Potty Training - help needed

[UmSami]

I'm trying to potty train my 2 year 10 month old ds...
He's normally very bright, and quick to grasp things but potty training is proving to be a real headache.
He's been pretty consistant with doing bowel movements in the toilet/potty for over a year/year and half, but recently we seem to be going backwards...yes I have a 10 week old DD and i'm sure this isn't helping but there seems to be more.
He has never achieved urinary continance at home...although he does like to do noisy wee wee's (ie standing up wees) in the loo at bath time...he normally does a poo then too. But during the day, when trying to train I can literally go through 5 pairs of underpants in 30 mins...
when I ask him where should he do weewee he tells me, in the toilet, he promises that he will tell me when he needs to go, I keep asking do you need to wee, do you need to wee, NO NO NO...puddle. He will wee, shower, change, promise...wee...I resort to nappies.
If i try to force him to the loo, tantrum.
Over the last few months he's gone back to doing the odd poo in his nappy (also before sister born)...what am I doing wrong?
The most frustrating part is that he goes to nursery 2.5 days a week...they say he is perfetly clean there, he even sleeps swithout a nappy...he's the youngest in his class and apparantly prompted the training himself when he realised his pers were clean...i find the lack of accidents so hard to believe...we literally get through the door, battle to go to loo, puddle.
Sorry this is long, but i'm getting very frustrated...if there were continance issues at nursery it would be easier to understand...right now I'm thinking the fault is with me...maybe i'm doing it wrong...maybe i'm expecting too much...maybe i'm too quick to clean and change him...do I have to let the mess bother him...
we live in a warm climate so i tend to just let him run in underpants...maybe I need to leave him in wet clothes but cant bare idea.
He's also been known to get his mop and clean up his own mess bless...please help!

you mention tantrums and frustration...

am no expert but think a short break might be a good idea? his world has been turned upside down by the new baby and he is still quite young for all this?

a friend's son (same sort of age actually) is perfect for his nanny (no accidents, asks to go etc) but whenever the nanny isn't there he gets through about 5 pairs of trousers a day...

so what would i do? well if this is getting you down, then maybe stick to pull ups for a while at home? and then maybe buy a new potty together - there are some good one for boys which are shaped like cars? - and introduce some kind of start chart/reward system? chocolate buttons/the promise of toy car always worked well with ds.

think the key is to try and remain calm and remember - they all get it in the end...

Agree with gladders, he is obviously upset by the arrival of his sister. I would put him back in nappies, explain to him why you're doing this. Then try again in a few months time, when you and him will have a calmer approach.

Thanks for the wise words...to be honest I also of the mindset that maybe its just too much too soon, I'm happy to leave it but am surrounded by 'helpful' people saying their precious sproglet was potty trained by 12 month old ... well i start thinking i'm being too soft/procrastinating/lazy...its been suggested that i should let him stay dirty for a while so he 'feels' it..any thoughts on this...
the main thing that is pressing me is that nappies here are rubbish, and despitecopious amounts of sudocrem, antihistamines and topical steroidsand emoliants ds has a rash on his bumtha i can only relate to where the lining of the nappy changes...
and while getting a lil sis is obviously very stressful for him, and im sure just plain annoying sometimes i dont think he's 'upset', he adores her, as far as i can tell, wants to sleep next to her, and is v protective...

ignore the 'helpful' people!

disposable nappies normally trap the wet so children cannot 'feel' dirty - unlike with terry nappies. in the UK you can get potty training pull ups which are designed to make them more aware of wetness, but am not really convinced about this personally? making children feel they are dirty and unpleasant doesn't sound v constructive to me?

whereabouts are you - the nappies sound rubbish and i can see you would want ds out of them asap... if sudocrem not working it might be an infection and need didderent cream (dd had thrush once and it looked like angry nappy rash).

was not suggesting he didn't love his little sister - just that however happy and protective he is, his world has been changed drastically by her - potty training at the same time may be too much for him.

i'm currently potty training my 2.5 yr old DS, and i'd say 80% of the time he goes in the potty. I found ditching pull ups and nappies were the key- he has a 'night time nappy' for bedtime, and 'big boy pants' for the day. He has a reward chart which he gets ticks on for using his potty, if he has an accident we just say 'never mind, good try, you'll get it in the potty next time etc'

It could be a mixture of new baby plus you stressing a bit? I'd say take a break for a couple of weeks, then let him chose some underwear with his favourite character / colour on, and try to not resort back to nappies if he some accidents- maybe sending mixed messages?

Also, i make DS1 sit on the potty before a walk / trip to the shops, even if he says he doesn't need to, and he usually does do a bit of wee anyway. This has helped us reduce accidents here.

Good luck- it is hardwork, especially with another baby to look after

We're in the middle of potty training (DD is 2.6). She saw a friend of her do it last week ans she suddenly went on potty. No accidents at friends house... Went out and got her 'Pippa Pig Pants' (pink!) but we are struggling.

She got so distressed when she had a wee on her highchair She also gets the mop to clean up her own mess

Am trying to praise the successes and ignore the mistakes. Will try a few more days and then decide....

I have not tried to do it with a little baby around as well (you have my sympathies it mus tbe v difficult) but if his issue is with the attention and the upheaval of having her, then perhaps go for distraction? Carrying a potty everywhere is perfect because then he doesn't have to get to the toilet or even think about it too much, as soon as he starts wetting you can get his pants down and sit him on it. I also bribed dd1 with smarties shamelessly . If you make an enormous fuss about the potty/loo and the treats he'll get and what a fabulous boy he is for doing it and all that stuff then perhaps it will also make up for the lack of attention. We decorated dd1's potty with stickers, it was her best friend for a few weeks! And we had a wee in the potty song and dance for everytime she did it. (I mean everytime, people thought we were mad)

I don't think leaving him in the dirties would help either, but you could ask him if it feels uncomfy when you clean him, then he might start to realse it doesn't help his sore bum?

I guess my approach would be a little different, so I offer it here as an alternative.

First, I do agree about giving it a break for a couple of months til he, you and the new baby are settled down a bit more. It'll be a bit warmer then which is also helpful.

Then I'd ditch the nappies/pull-ups (except for sleep) for good. For the first few days I'd take him to the potty/loo every hour or so and reward anything produced (I our case chocolate buttons overcame a lot of resistance). If he wets in between times just change him (or better yet get him to change himself if he can). Suggest in an offhand manner that he might want to get to the potty in time next time (and make sure there is one to hand). After a week or so, reduce the number of enforced trips to the loo and chuck in a couple of reminders instead. Then move to just the occasional reminder, except when about to leave the house, get into the car etc when some insistence may be necessary.

Never show any annoyance about accidents - just give a total non-reaction/bored reaction 'oh dear, that's a shame. Better get yourself changed then, eh?' (all said in a toneless voice whilst inwardly seething in my case). Don't drop everything to deal with said accident (we found most occurred when I was dealing with the baby). On the other hand a success in the potty got huge amounts of praise and attention (plus a chocolate button if requested).

Anyway, it worked for us!