Dh and I have very different parenting styles and unsure what to do!

[Sails]

DS1 is a totally normal 3 year old who asks why about 100 times a day! DH loves him to bits I know he does! But dh and ds1 seem to be at constant logger heads. Every time we spend a day no an hour together as a family dh just ends up stressed to the eye balls and so very very angry constantly saying I'm fed up with it just had enough of it. I am not talking about dangerous things but little every day things. For example if he asks for a snack or even milk too close to meal times. Both of these we will try to limit as he has a small appetite at the best of times. However dh will answer with an abrupt and sharp NO. When asked why he just says because I said so! Before I know it I have a full scale temper tantrum from ds1 on my hands and world war 3 had broken out!!! DH gets more and more angry and aggressive shouting etc and ds1 gets into a dreadful state. More that once he has come running to me with mummy pick or daddy frightened me! The thing it if he spoke to me like that which he doesn't he would frighten me so what must a 3 year old think I don't know! My mum has witnessed him behaving like this and has accused him but to me not dh of being a bully! Thing is ds is a little boy who does listen to reason eg if I say you can have the biscuit after lunch he doess accept it and remind me later so there is no need for it imo. However if I try to explain when he has asked dh he says daddy say it! So what do I do?

all you can do is talk to him and explain that shouting really isn't working and its best to get to ds level and talk calmly to him

you need to find out why he loses his temper so quick over minute things as yes toddlers can be stressful but not to react that way at them all the time

i wont say i never shout but i do know that talking calmly works best

maybe initiate play with them thats fun and build up the bond again it sounds like he has forgotten how to be a child himself and doesn't know how to react or get on your ds level

all you do know is he cannot continue treating ds this way as later on it will have an affect

tell him to pick his argument sa gentle no and then if ds says why because were having dinner soon and thats it don't debate and don't argue with a 3 yr old
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it sounds like there's more going on with your dh so best to get to the bottom of why he has so much stress and anger and then work from there start with few minutes of play together and build there bond back up maybe take over if you see dh begin to lose it then when ds is not around pull your dh up and tell him its not right

its ok to stress sometimes but if its all the time as it sounds then it needs to be dealt with

First of all, is your partner himself frustrated with the situation?
Does he realise that he is the one with the problem?

I think your DH needs a bit of therapy, probably.