My post concerns my 4.5 yr old son and his close 'friend' and neighbour who is a few months older than him. She has always been bossy and demanding and her favourite game is 'babies'. I used to think she liked babies until I realised that she just liked my son to be a baby so she could boss him around. They have played together loads since they were toddlers, and went to preschool together, so she's become one of the key people in his life and now they're in the reception class together.
Now, I'm afraid this next bit is rather shocking. He came home from her house a couple of weeks ago rather upset and said she had made him play a game called 'mouths, winkies and bums'. He then gave me a very graphic description of what this 'game' entailed. She put her finger in his bottom (yes actually in his bottom) and then his mouth (yuk) and then stretched his willy. He said that it really hurt and he asked her to stop but she wouldn't. This little girl is very controlling and manipulative and she gets him to do things by telling him she won't love him any more. I discovered that they also played the 'game' in the summer with another younger child. Apparently him and the other child had to take it in turns whilst she, er, abused them. I gather that it was a terrible ordeal for him. The poor little love thought it was a real game, like 'hopscotch' or 'pin the tail on the donkey'. He's a bright boy, well ahead with his reading, but rather too trusting for his own good.
First I was furious. Then I was worried. Had this little girl been abused? Was she acting something out? I rang her mum, a very respectable middle-class type, and gave her my son's very graphic account of what had happened. I was expecting her to be shocked or disbelieving but she totally under-reacted. She just said it must be a little phase they were going through and she'd ask them to play downstairs in future. I was thinking 'My son is not going through a 'little phase' he has been assaulted!' but I didn't say it. I think she could tell I was pissed off though.
I dwelled on it for a few days then I marched up to the school. How dare she do this to him and then boss him about at school! I couldn't bear the thought. Also I felt that she could be a danger to other children and could be in danger herself. I would put it in the school's hands, maybe they would contact social services. However, the headmistress is friendly with the girl's mother and they have decided between themselves that it was 'unusual play' and will not be taking things any further.
The girl's mother is furious with me for telling the school what happened. She told me that I have 'ruined her daughters life' by having her labelled as a 'monster'. I now dread every trip to the school. At one point I even apologised to her because I couldn't bear the hostility. (We were previously on good terms and she is my closest neighbour.)
Now we are taking our son out of school for a few months to get him away from her controlling behaviour. We have realised that he is too attached to her to break away, even though he is now too scared to go to her house because of the 'nasty game'. (He is not allowed to anyway of course.)
'Assault' or 'unusual play' - what do you think?